Heavy Heart

heavy heart
slow start
sleep beckons

sorrowful soul
body cold
life disappoints

ringing ears
ideas barren
numbness seduces

painful thoughts
medication bought
alcohol drowns

aching hands
wasted woman
moral sinks

walking dead
throbbing head
lover demands

fighting air
lying cares
family abandons

heavy heart
forgotten part
dream reckons

I Don't Mind the Quiet

I don't mind the quiet.
There's enough noise in my head.
When all is chaos the quiet is my friend.
I try to sort through all my thoughts and find the ones I've forgot.

I don't mind the quiet.
It brought me this song.
A soft reminder of my gentle soul.
I enjoy the moments of soundless bliss.
The comfort of quiet is refreshing after the busy of the day.

I don't mind the quiet.
I spent the last hour staring at the rain hitting the window.
I don't know where it all goes.
I think more when I can't hear you.

I don't mind the quiet.
I do get lonely sometimes and bored.
But after some time in silence I feel better.
I think the quiet washes me clean and prepares me for another day.

I don't mind the quiet.
Sometimes I do nothing at all.
No thoughts, no sorrows, no pain just quiet and calm.
This world spins so fast and the quiet never lasts.

I don't mind the quiet.
I miss it when I don't get it.
I need these tranquil moments to listen to my heart.
I know the quiet is a friend that never overstays its welcome.

I don't mind the quiet.
I wish I could have more, but life is loud, it wants to be heard.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
The quiet will leave me soon enough, but now I relish it!

More Than We Deserve

i want to ease your pain.
i want to carry your sorrows away.
your happiness matters to me.
i don't want to be a burden to you.
i don't want to be another chore.
i know i worry too much.
this love is moving faster then the speed of light.
i want this to be the last love i have.

i tend to forget to remember it's only been a little while.
my desire to please you sustains me.
when you don't respond quickly i get tied up in a knot,
but you unravel me easily, with a word or touch!

you've become my whole world, but i'm not yours.
we aren't balanced against each other's hearts.
it hurts me to still be separated from all of you.
and to know i can't yet share every part of you.
my patience is being tested and i want to pass!

i feel like i pressure you too much sometimes.
i hold my breath, afraid to let go to this emotion.
i want to give you all of me, but you can't handle that yet.
i don't want to screw this one up.
i love you too much!

today i found out you're allergic to cats!
how did i not know that!
what else don't i know about you?
time is the cruelest tease.
it promises forever with you but moves so slowly;
i grow anxious.

my own mind stacks the deck against me.
i won't let my insecurities doom us.
you are the sun and i revolve around you.
my heart is on board but my doubts are working hard not to be ignored.
i work myself up into a fear frenzy for no reason, but your voice calms me.

you settle my nerves.
i know one day soon we won't be apart anymore.
our worlds are destined to merge!
our love will grow stronger because we both love each other more then we deserve.

Better

tied to a butterfly's wings my anxiety flies away.
the wind and rain pound onto my heart in vain.
my strength waivers at times but i maintain i matter.
today i feel better!

happiness has never defined my life.
my personality teeters between crazy and crazier.
i give each man i love all i got but it ain't ever enough.
today i'll do better!

mood swings and personal demons take their toll.
i'm hard to like and harder to love.
the medication only destroys what makes me shine.
today i'll be better!

lonesome tears stain my cheeks.
life's sorrows overfill my cup.
on each horizon i see the road i should have been on.
today i'll choose better!

tomorrow brings unpredictable feelings.
i might be happy or i might be sad.
there's no way for me to make any kind of guarantee,
but today i was better!

Undivided Affections

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth:
for thy love is better then wine." SS 1:2

my mind hangs on the magic of your touch.
these thoughts of mine are backsliding to the sweet sins of flesh.
vanity is unholy and i've underestimated your pull.
there's a fire raging in my heart and fear dancing on my nerves.
i have to find strength to reject this evil.

my madness spreads through to my soul.
i have lost the wisdom of the truth.
my devotion has become a lesson in fragility and sorrow.
the advesary is gifted in disguising lust as love.
God is jealous and demands my undivided affections.
i know where my duty lies.

the afterlife will be bleak if i die steeped in lies.
i am sane right now.
i keep this moment as a souvenir.
i must be blunt with myself.
the way i desire him is the signature of the devil himself.
these temporary obsessions of mine are destructive.
more proof to me that my journey toward heaven will be long and arduous.

"For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing,
whether it be good, or whether it be evil." ECC 12:14

every thought that has ever been in my head;
every desire that has ever twisted in my heart;
is under review, so i have to learn to control myself more.
i have to pray harder then ever before to resist these temptations.
God deserves my undivided affections.

God's Work

the softness of the dog's fur when i pet her
the coldness of the morning breeze
the saddness of an acoustic guitar plays
the stillness of my self as i meditate
the beauty of the moment sinks in
days like today i appreciate being lonely

the warmth of the sun upon my face
the roughness of the patio concrete against my feet
the sweetness of a cherry coke on my tongue
the songs of the birds in the trees
the simplicity of life washes over me
days like today i admire God's work

the quiet of my mind
the focus of my thoughts
the joy of my heart
the smile i have right now on my face
the faith i am feeling
days like today i remember why i breathe

the sorrows of my mistakes ease
the passions of my heart are pleased
the confessions of my soul are addressed
the questions of my mind are answered
the miracle of contentment settles on me
days like today i am thankful to be alive

Stray Bullet

i'm packing up the emotional baggage you left me
i'm unloading all the crap you piled on me
the sky is clear and blue
there's too much living for me to do
for me to waste away hanging on to you.

good bye, simple and complete.
i've taken your memories and set them free.
i know you no longer think of me.
now it's time for me to say Good bye.

you ripped into me like a stray bullet from a drive by
and now i'm the one picking at the scabs.
i broke myself down, wiped myself clean.
now i'm rebuilding myself better then before.

i'm throwing away the pictures.
i've deleted all the digital links between us.
the sun is shining and it's warm,
i've got myself jazzed to be alive.
there's no more reasons to cry.

good bye, no conditions or exceptions.
i've turned off my misery.
i was struggling like a person on crutches
and it was weighing me down with sorrow.
i feel jubilant and buoyant.
now that i am focused on tomorrow.

good bye to you and your critical world.
good bye to you for good!

What I Know Is Me.

let's walk away from the window,
like we don't have a care.
let's leave behind our sorrow,
let the birds carry it into the air.

there will be other lovers.
there will be other heartaches.
cuz what i know is me,
and i always repeat my mistakes.

let's go on about our day,
like nothing hurts.
let's run around and play,
let the laughter kill the pain.

there will be other break ups.
there will be other chances.
cuz what i know is me
and i always repeat my mistakes.

let's go to bed and dream away,
like we are happy.
let's wake up and start the day,
like it's exciting.

there will be other tears to cry.
there will be other nights were we feel like we are dying.
cuz what i know is me
and i always repeat my mistakes.

Unrelenting Sorrow

the brightest tomorrow can come undone by unrelenting sorrow.
i miss you my friend.
my heart won't stop crying.
my misery knows no end.

the blue sky mocks me.
the sunny weather taunts me.
the world doesn't stop
because you broke my heart.

the happiest memory isn't enough to dispel this unrelenting sorrow.
i cannot contain my pain.
my soul is burning.
all my joy has fled.

children's laughter rings hollow in my ears.
a baby's cooing brings me despair.
no one cares
that you broke my heart.

this unrelenting sorrow won't ever let me go.
so i sit here and mope.