Overrated Kansas

is anybody out there?
what are you doing?
i'm trapped, wrapped, stamped defective.
i'm discarded, a human life wasted, oh the humanity!
i tried dialing 911 to help me escape, but i got a busy signal.

cover up your ears, i'm about to pop this bubble of ignorance.
my pain's boiling over.
my anger's rising to dangerous levels.
my explosion is imminent.
i put it off for far too long.
my volcano of pent up emotions is erupting.
i'm spewing all the feelings i was told i shouldn't have!

where's my yellow brick road?
toto shit in my ruby slippers.
the tin man took all my vicoden.
the scarecrow makes me itch
and i swear, if that lion bitches one more time, i'm hitting him!!!
my kansas was overrated.
my home was a womb of love, for years i was handled with kid gloves.
i was protected, doted on and adored, then the world came knocking on the door.

i met a boy and went straight to hell.
i took a whirlwind ride on the sin wagon.
i was flying high, out all night, having a hell of a time.
i was making every body who loved me cry.
my momma said, she's gone boy crazy.
my daddy just hung and shook his head.
my teachers said such a shame, she's so smart.
she was going to shine brighter then the brightest star.

i was my parent's whole universe when i went super nova baby.
got knocked up at 17, no time to make amends.
daddy's little angel got kicked out of heaven.
sh, don't tell. just hide yourself behind your hair.

i was so alone and scared.
everyone was staring at my bulging belly.
going to be a mom, i have no idea what's going on.
still in high school, kid's pointing, adults won't look me in the eye.
i'm now a fucking statistic, unwed, pregnant teenager.

my future just went on dim.
all because i met him.
he'd kiss my hand and stroke my hair.
he told me he loved me and like a starved ethopian,
i couldn't get enough of the bullshit he was feeding me.
we were doing it like rabbits and now i'm multiplying.
i found out he was lying.

there's no fairy tale here.
he's been to jail before, no license, no diploma, no job, no prospects.
just booze, cigerattes, and playing grab ass.
i was blinded by my lust for him., in my hormones i trusted.
now i'm totally fucked and stuck in a corner.
everyone's ashamed of me.
i'm the perfect example of the good girl gone bad.
now i'm a welfare mother walking down the high school halls,
wondering if i can even be a good mother when i'm just a kid myself?

(note - i got pregnant at 17. i now have a beautiful 20 year old daughter. i went to college. i got a degree. i make good money. i work hard. i never gave up. i did it all for her. she was my motivation, my inspiration, and i am hopelessly in love with her.)

Magical Elves

lately my mind wanders down memory lane.
i fondly remember playing from dawn to dusk.
my smile is bittersweet as i recall the ones who never got to grow up.
i carry their memories like a precious rare gem.
i hoard all the moments i had with them.
their love goes on even though they don't.

sweeter was the ice cream in the summer.
the sun shined brighter and the nights were darker.
i got in a hurry to grow up and i can't remember why.
i thought i was missing something as a teenager,
but now i kick myself for not taking the time to just be a kid.

i can't reverse the forward march of time.
but i can't help myself to dream of lightning bugs and hugs.
is it because i'm lonely now?
or maybe my responsibilities are wearing me down?
i used to think being an adult meant doing whatever i wanted.
now i laugh at my ignorant youthful self.
i have a chore list so long it never is done.

i watch my daughter struggle against growing up.
she is 20 now.
i tell her that the time has come to give up childish things.
she clings to her youthful ways like life raft.
i remind her at her age i had a 2 year old.
my daughter is well aware that there are no magical elves to clean up after you.

i don't push her to hard.
i am jealous of her.
i wish i had taken more time to have fun.
i was arrogant in my youth.
i thought it would last forever.
so i'll let her hang on to her's just a little longer.