Hannah Nicole

i'm feeling neglected but it's because i miss you.
my patience is wearing thin waiting for our Hannah Nicole.
i see us clearly holding her in the near future.
a little pink bundle of joy with my blonde hair and your hazel eyes.

i'm feeling lost but it's because you aren't here.
my heart is on pause until you are near.
i know this is an adjustment i need to make
and when our Hannah Nicole gets here it'll be okay!

i'm feeling tired and worn out because your energy is gone.
my body needs your love to stay strong.
i know in my heart we belong.
we will be rewarded for our time apart when we see our Hannah Nicole at last.

i'm feeling hope spring up inside of me because you love me.
my soul is yours because i love you.
this love is our bond.
our Hannah Nicole will show the world we aren't wrong!

The Love They Got

you won't find my heart in the high priced aisle's;
it's stuck in the back, marked down, got to go,
almost free & it don't even got to be to a good home.
i watch the people pass me by
and i wonder if i'm too tattered and torn
to ever get the love they got.

i went fishing for a committment
using a baby as the bait.
my uterus let me down.
now i don't have a shot in hell of keeping
either man from running away from me as fast as they can.

you won't see my soul singing hymns up in heaven.
it'll be dancing in hell fire, almost burnt beyond recognition,
numb to the pain, and smoldering with sin.
i watch the righteous on the tv
and i know i'm too broken and forlorn
to ever get God's love like they got.

i filled my head up with happy endings.
i was giving my love away like it didn't hurt me in any way.
my hopes of someone falling in love with me
has every one laughing at me behind my back.
you won't see me out begging.
the love they got i don't want it anymore!

My Lost Hope

you were a hope i never got to hold.
this morning my world came apart.
my heart has frozen solid and stopped.
this is how it feels to lose a child.
i never got to see you born.
God gave me the possibility of you,
but then God took away the reality of you.

i still have the booties and the sleeper.
i'm trying to wrap my mind around not being able to keep you.
i'm devastated and hurting.
the physical pain will fade as you bleed out of me,
but the sorrow i feel will never fade.
i'm sorry i wasn't able to stop you from leaving.

i've been reassured this isn't my fault,
but i feel as if i'm being punished by God.
i don't even know if you were a boy or a girl.
my lost hope, i love you still.
i feel literally empty without you.
i'm the only one who wanted you.
i would've cherished and adored you.
my little angel, rest in heaven now,
i will always miss you.

Overrated Kansas

is anybody out there?
what are you doing?
i'm trapped, wrapped, stamped defective.
i'm discarded, a human life wasted, oh the humanity!
i tried dialing 911 to help me escape, but i got a busy signal.

cover up your ears, i'm about to pop this bubble of ignorance.
my pain's boiling over.
my anger's rising to dangerous levels.
my explosion is imminent.
i put it off for far too long.
my volcano of pent up emotions is erupting.
i'm spewing all the feelings i was told i shouldn't have!

where's my yellow brick road?
toto shit in my ruby slippers.
the tin man took all my vicoden.
the scarecrow makes me itch
and i swear, if that lion bitches one more time, i'm hitting him!!!
my kansas was overrated.
my home was a womb of love, for years i was handled with kid gloves.
i was protected, doted on and adored, then the world came knocking on the door.

i met a boy and went straight to hell.
i took a whirlwind ride on the sin wagon.
i was flying high, out all night, having a hell of a time.
i was making every body who loved me cry.
my momma said, she's gone boy crazy.
my daddy just hung and shook his head.
my teachers said such a shame, she's so smart.
she was going to shine brighter then the brightest star.

i was my parent's whole universe when i went super nova baby.
got knocked up at 17, no time to make amends.
daddy's little angel got kicked out of heaven.
sh, don't tell. just hide yourself behind your hair.

i was so alone and scared.
everyone was staring at my bulging belly.
going to be a mom, i have no idea what's going on.
still in high school, kid's pointing, adults won't look me in the eye.
i'm now a fucking statistic, unwed, pregnant teenager.

my future just went on dim.
all because i met him.
he'd kiss my hand and stroke my hair.
he told me he loved me and like a starved ethopian,
i couldn't get enough of the bullshit he was feeding me.
we were doing it like rabbits and now i'm multiplying.
i found out he was lying.

there's no fairy tale here.
he's been to jail before, no license, no diploma, no job, no prospects.
just booze, cigerattes, and playing grab ass.
i was blinded by my lust for him., in my hormones i trusted.
now i'm totally fucked and stuck in a corner.
everyone's ashamed of me.
i'm the perfect example of the good girl gone bad.
now i'm a welfare mother walking down the high school halls,
wondering if i can even be a good mother when i'm just a kid myself?

(note - i got pregnant at 17. i now have a beautiful 20 year old daughter. i went to college. i got a degree. i make good money. i work hard. i never gave up. i did it all for her. she was my motivation, my inspiration, and i am hopelessly in love with her.)

Perfect World

i'm getting lost inside my mind.
i sit and conjure up my own happily ever after.
there's a big house full of screaming kids and
a man that loves me more then anything,
in my perfect world.
time are good and laughter is free.
there's no where else i'd rather be,
but my perfect world is just a dream.

the place where i breathe isn't everything i'd thought it would be.
i sleep along, i eat alone, i talk to the dog.
the one kid i have is grown
and it's just me, with nothing to do but kill time.
so every chance i get i close my eyes to escape to my perfect world.

in my perfect world, there's water fights on hot summer days,
and cuddling in front of a fire on a cold winter nights.
there's a dinner table full of my babies.
someone spilled the milk and another one yells dibs on the last roll.
there's no place else i'd rather be,
but my perfect world doesn't belong to me.

the real world is eight hours surrounded by cubicle walls,
coming home to an empty house,
heating up dinner in the microwave,
just me with nothing to do but kill time.
10 pm is bed, my favorite part of the day,
when i close my eyes and fade into my perfect world.