Clean and Clear or Sunday's Call

sweet child of God raise your sleeping eyes,
hear my holy spirit urging you to rise
and begin the day with my son by your side.
come to me in your place of worship.
you'll find peace inside the chaos of your mind.
my promises are uncompromised for you to receive your blessings just drop your guard.
all will be clear when you surrender to my love.

walk into my arms sweet child of mine.
the sins repented through your sorrowful tears.
let the fear go.
i am in every beat of your heart.
walk into my arms sweet daughter of mine.
all will be clean for you again.

you are not unworthy to ascend to the heavenly gates.
intelligence and science are of the tactile world.
there's no place in faith for statistics and facts.
only love can lead you through all the temptations.
all will be clear when you surrender to my love.

carry me in your every thought.
wait for me to guide you.
the voice of my spirit is soft yet firm.
focus on that solace and put your doubts onto my shoulders.
feel again daughter of mine.
feel your joyous salvation.
all will be clean again for you.

amen, amen, amen!
be blessed.
pray.
read my words every day and go to church.
this will heal your fractured heart,
whirlwind thoughts and tormented soul.
it's simple.
all will be clear once you surrender to my love.

When I'm Not!

if you ask you shall receive,
but i don't know the question i need to ask.
if you seek you shall find,
but i don't know what i'm looking for.
there's only confusion here.

God promises love and eternal life,
sounds like Heaven to me,
but fear whispers you'll never get there.
if this is all there is,
i worry that i'll never be blessed.

my nerves communicate to my brain
that my body is in a lot of pain.
i need to be part of God's salvation.
i fall every day into self-abusive ways.
i just want God to love me,
but it never seems to be enough for me.

if i'm a better servant for the Lord,
he will shine His grace upon me.
i don't know what to do
to find a piece of peace within me.

i run from what i can't comprehend.
i know prayer alone can't save me.
i need action to bring His love to me.
my heart needs to surrender
and let the Holy Ghost come home.

if believing wre enough,
i'd be golden.
if God were easy,
then Jesus' sacrifice wouldn't have been necessary.
i acknowledge there is greed in my heart.
i've tried to rise above the pettiness,
but i succumb to the basic temptations.

i am a child of God,
even when i think i'm not!

Magical Elves

lately my mind wanders down memory lane.
i fondly remember playing from dawn to dusk.
my smile is bittersweet as i recall the ones who never got to grow up.
i carry their memories like a precious rare gem.
i hoard all the moments i had with them.
their love goes on even though they don't.

sweeter was the ice cream in the summer.
the sun shined brighter and the nights were darker.
i got in a hurry to grow up and i can't remember why.
i thought i was missing something as a teenager,
but now i kick myself for not taking the time to just be a kid.

i can't reverse the forward march of time.
but i can't help myself to dream of lightning bugs and hugs.
is it because i'm lonely now?
or maybe my responsibilities are wearing me down?
i used to think being an adult meant doing whatever i wanted.
now i laugh at my ignorant youthful self.
i have a chore list so long it never is done.

i watch my daughter struggle against growing up.
she is 20 now.
i tell her that the time has come to give up childish things.
she clings to her youthful ways like life raft.
i remind her at her age i had a 2 year old.
my daughter is well aware that there are no magical elves to clean up after you.

i don't push her to hard.
i am jealous of her.
i wish i had taken more time to have fun.
i was arrogant in my youth.
i thought it would last forever.
so i'll let her hang on to her's just a little longer.

Invisible Death

helpless and fragile with broken lungs,
no one to console,
a guardian angel asleep at the wheel,
your life so brief, it's only a footnote.
i remember little things in blurry scenes,
it was so long ago, when you had to leave.

memories play to their own tune.
yours is out of sequence, faded, and worn.
i wonder sometimes if you'd be fearless,
you never were afraid when others were.
but we are here today and you sing with the angels.
is it too high a price to pay, to live with what could have been?

i don't think we'd still be friends.
maybe a cursory connection through a facebook trend,
but i'm haunted to this day.
you were never coming out to play again.
boucing on old mattresses in meemaw's backyard.
laughing like crazy when we fell down.

i was a kid too,
unable to process death.
is that why i remain so affected by it?
i never thought i was invincible.
one too many funerals i've went too before i was ten.
life folds, bends then breaks apart at the end.
i look at myself in the mirror
and ponder how much time is left in my hour glass.

i shouldn't miss what never came to be.
is it the crazy in me that wants to get lost,
switch back to a time when i could just be
and death was invisible to me?
i think i'd be a different human being,
if i hadn't had to bury my innocence so soon.

Hello My Dear

hello my dear.
don't you fear.
mommy will always be near.
sleep tight baby of mine
sweet dreams, beautiful child.

hello my dear.
your grades are dreary.
your attitude blustery.
and your mouth full of mockery.
teenager of mine,
please rewind back to sweet child.

hello my dear.
a new phase is here.
no longer little and scared.
you are fully grown,
but not ready to be on your own.
daughter i love you.
rest easy today, the day of your birth.

hello my dear.
it's time for me to be clear.
twenty years have passed.
it's time to get off your lazy ass.
get a job to pay your way.
i say this with love,
but with firmness i swear
it's 24 and out the door for you my dear.

Still

Images of you keep floating in my mind,
It's like another time.
I keep tripping on the past,
wondering why we didn't last.
I still miss you.
I still love you.

I think we could make another go of it.
We could figure out loves tricks.
Be together again; I don't know where you are.
You're in my heart.
You're on my mind.

I keep searching for love, but it's always been you.
I dream about you all the time.
I wish you were still mine.
I am looking for you.
I adore you.
I hope I find you soon.
I hope you remember me too.
The way I remember you.

I love you still.
It's been so long for us to be apart.
It's time we give it another start.
We've been on different roads for a long time.
It's time we circle around to each other.
My love for you has never died.
It's been waiting.
I've been anticipating the day I get to kiss you again.

Your blue eyes haunt my nights.
Day in and day out you're in my thoughts.
Are you happy?
Are you missing me too?
I should've been the first one,
but we missed our chance to imprint each other for life.
You loved me since the 5th grade.
I loved you since the 7th grade.
Why didn't it ever work?
Why did I turn away?
Was it not our day?

I still miss you.
I still love you.
I still want you in my life.
By my side for good times and bad.
No one else has ever stirred up my passions this bad.
I still hope one day we can still be.

Everybody Knows

Pretty pink polish on her little toes
Pretty blue eyes and a cute upturned nose
She’s beautiful today
And she knows she’ll be gorgeous when she grows up
And it shows
In her smile
In her giggle
In the way she flips her hair
She’s a woman in waiting
Eager and confident to discover her charms
She knows the boys will love her
When she gets all grown up
She’s learning the walk
And someday she’ll get down the talk
It goes by so fast
Mommy’s little girl loves dolls today
But mommy knows it will go away
No more little girl ways
She’s beautiful in every way
And tomorrow she’ll be gorgeous
Everyone knows

My Beloved One

I could stare into your eyes all night.
My beloved one.
You’re the fire in my eyes.
You’re the hope in my heart.

Nothing starts without me thinking of you.
My beloved one.
There’s only you on my mind when I dream at night.
You’re my miracle.

Life would be dark without you.
My beloved one.
I can’t pretend I’m Mozart writing perfect music to be remembered forever.
I’m all thumbs.
I mess up a lot.
But you still love me.

You’re still here.
My beloved one.
I couldn’t live without you.
My days would collapse and the nights would laugh.

If you ever left me they’d have to bury me.
My beloved one.
Without you I’d come undone.
Love is fickled.
You can take it or leave it.
You’re the reason why I bother to breathe.

I look into your blue gray eyes and the world grows brighter.
My beloved one.
Let me love you forever.
You’re my priceless treasure.
You’re my universe.
You’re the glue that keeps me together.

I’d shatter into nothingness if you left.
My beloved one, your voice calls to me.
Your laugh is music to my ears.
We can live happily ever after in the middle of the middle class.
I’ll hold you tight.

Your heartbeat against my ear fills me with joy.
My beloved one, stay.
I love you today and I’ll love you tomorrow.
You will always be my beloved one.

I’ll covet every minute I get to share with you.
My Beloved One.
I’ll store up your love to see me through the hard times.
I know one day even you have to fly on your own.

My beloved one, never forget your way back home.

Gabrielle, My One True Love

see the blue sky above you. see the horizon layed out ahead of you. there's no shadows to scare you away. feel with your heart. find a life of your own. i packed your angel's wings and all my love to see you through the hard times. never forget you're destined for greatness.

my only true love. you're the only one i'd turn around for. i've built into you strength and compassion. here's an envelope filled full with hugs and kisses. freedom's calling out to you. step out and into your future.

see all those doors open to you. see the possibilities layed out at your feet. you don't need a safety net. i've given you all you need to jump right into life. i won't push you. but i refuse to hold you back. you are what the world needs. never forget you're destined for greatness.

my only true love. there's nothing i wouldn't do for you, but every mother knows a day comes when we have to let go. fly high. never doubt your intuition. here's some letters i wrote to you when you were little. if you get lonely they'll keep me near. freedom's calling out to you. step out and into your future.

my beloved only child, my light, my muse, my miracle, Gabrielle, i believe in you