Button

he should be angry but he's not.
i should've found a button to push by now, but i've not.
he's unpredictable and it's freaking me out.
he zigs when i zag.
he'd driving me mad!

desire flares my nostrils and dilates my pupils.
physically he provokes uncontrollable responses from me.
emotionally he confuses the fuck out of me.
i can't figure him out.
maybe he's playing me, but i got to find out.

he says one thing and does another.
i say i'm done, but i can't walk away.
he's never what i expect him to be.
he brings out every side of me.
he's always one step ahead of me!

happiness makes me smile and laugh.
cosmically he makes me feel alive again.
mentally we're acting like teenagers.
i'm unable to process all these emotions.
maybe it's time to run!

Marching Forward

from new paris to eaton to middletown to monroe to liberty township to canal winchester has been the path of my yellow brick road.
step to the rhythm of the FM radio, i fell deep into the credit card mania.
got swept away on a wave of debt and credit reports never forget.

took a few turns on the merry-go-round of love.
four men, i thought i'd live happily ever after with,
four men, and only one i decided to wed and he let me go, he let me go!

sweet is the world through the eyes of youth.
bitter the pill of reality.
a statistic in the fucking usa today, a teenage mother,
but i beat the odds, i did good.
i made it through college degree in hand and a plan.

time wears off the polish and your life begins to mold.
hope is shot dead by fear and you don't know which way to go.
examin the map that's gotten bigger then you thought.
the heart broken, the hands calloused, and a minding shutting down;
today seems like 16 years ago.

now it's back to square one.
one day at a time.
survive, sustain, and shut down the heart to outsiders.
look back inside your soul to find the gold.
let go. let go.
head down and keep marching forward on this yellow brick road.

Disaster Ahead

i can still taste you at the back of my throat
every time i swallow your saltiness is on my tongue
i lick my lips automatically to savor your flavor
there's something about you that has me hooked

i think these love bites on my neck are going to bruise
we're not passed the oral stage in the play
but each production brings my house down

i know there's no happily ever after with you
my libido doesn't care if you marry me
i'm like a horny teenage boy these days
i just want to get laid every day, all day long

i'm sexually charged out to the max
and your touch sends me into full climax
all the warning signs are here
watch out woman, there's only disaster ahead,
but i keep letting you do what you you want to do to me!

Power Over Me

you'd think after all these years i'd forget what you did,
but it all comes back to me too easily.
once you've been violated it never leaves your memory.
now i weep because someone i love now knows the pain i've tried to let go,
but the pain never forgets my name!

i remember the sounds and the smells of that day like it was this morning
your words still whisper to me in the middle of my night terrors
i was so young and naive
i thought it was innocent fun, but it got ugly so quickly.
i walked out of your bedroom in silence.
i still can't talk about it.
we never had sex again!
you haunt me and i'm sick of your fat ass'd ghost hanging around!

time is supposed to heal all wounds,
but i'm so scarred it's ridiculous.
every man i'm with i wonder if he'll hurt me like you did.
i've tried to move on, but it creeps into every relationship i've ever had.
the damage is mine to keep.
i'm not sure i helped her, but it's more then i did for myself.

i've wasted too much time in the past.
i need to move on.
the injuries that remain are all psychological.
he never thought he did anything wrong.
i wasn't strong,
but now i know how to make a stand.
the statue has expired,
but i'm done with it!
i'm over being his victim.
he no longer has any power over me!

Bully

12:30 am the phone rang and the world went crazy.
i didn't say hello, i went right to what's wrong?
i've gotten this call before from dad, last time my mom had died, this time my neice is in icu!
i went from sound asleep to wide awake in one heart beat.
she's going to physically get better, but her mind is in a real bad place.

i've been depressed enough to try it.
i know exactly where she's at right now.
my heart is breaking with her pain.
i want to hold her tight and let her cry it all out.
that boy is a poison!
these are boo boo's i can't kiss away.
this precious child is being bullied to death by a boy that told her he'd love her until the day he died!
if i had my way that day would be today.

the teenage drama has gotten out of hand.
the new girlfriend travels in a pack of mean girls.
they're spreading lies, they tell her they are going to kill her.
the school did nothing, the 5 said they were innocent.
5 against 1 is not a fair fight.
my neice is a sweet and sensitive soul.
she hurts when she thinks you are mad at her.
she takes after my mom on that.
it's no way to live to put your happiness into other's hands.

it is time for her to heal.
hell is being raised at the school.
she will need to change and grow.
it's a hard way to learn to stand up for yourself.
God, help her, and help us to help her.
bring me the words to say to her.
send her the holy ghost to comfort her.
we will be here for her.
she can overcome this and be strong.
she will live through this!

Overrated Kansas

is anybody out there?
what are you doing?
i'm trapped, wrapped, stamped defective.
i'm discarded, a human life wasted, oh the humanity!
i tried dialing 911 to help me escape, but i got a busy signal.

cover up your ears, i'm about to pop this bubble of ignorance.
my pain's boiling over.
my anger's rising to dangerous levels.
my explosion is imminent.
i put it off for far too long.
my volcano of pent up emotions is erupting.
i'm spewing all the feelings i was told i shouldn't have!

where's my yellow brick road?
toto shit in my ruby slippers.
the tin man took all my vicoden.
the scarecrow makes me itch
and i swear, if that lion bitches one more time, i'm hitting him!!!
my kansas was overrated.
my home was a womb of love, for years i was handled with kid gloves.
i was protected, doted on and adored, then the world came knocking on the door.

i met a boy and went straight to hell.
i took a whirlwind ride on the sin wagon.
i was flying high, out all night, having a hell of a time.
i was making every body who loved me cry.
my momma said, she's gone boy crazy.
my daddy just hung and shook his head.
my teachers said such a shame, she's so smart.
she was going to shine brighter then the brightest star.

i was my parent's whole universe when i went super nova baby.
got knocked up at 17, no time to make amends.
daddy's little angel got kicked out of heaven.
sh, don't tell. just hide yourself behind your hair.

i was so alone and scared.
everyone was staring at my bulging belly.
going to be a mom, i have no idea what's going on.
still in high school, kid's pointing, adults won't look me in the eye.
i'm now a fucking statistic, unwed, pregnant teenager.

my future just went on dim.
all because i met him.
he'd kiss my hand and stroke my hair.
he told me he loved me and like a starved ethopian,
i couldn't get enough of the bullshit he was feeding me.
we were doing it like rabbits and now i'm multiplying.
i found out he was lying.

there's no fairy tale here.
he's been to jail before, no license, no diploma, no job, no prospects.
just booze, cigerattes, and playing grab ass.
i was blinded by my lust for him., in my hormones i trusted.
now i'm totally fucked and stuck in a corner.
everyone's ashamed of me.
i'm the perfect example of the good girl gone bad.
now i'm a welfare mother walking down the high school halls,
wondering if i can even be a good mother when i'm just a kid myself?

(note - i got pregnant at 17. i now have a beautiful 20 year old daughter. i went to college. i got a degree. i make good money. i work hard. i never gave up. i did it all for her. she was my motivation, my inspiration, and i am hopelessly in love with her.)

Hello My Dear

hello my dear.
don't you fear.
mommy will always be near.
sleep tight baby of mine
sweet dreams, beautiful child.

hello my dear.
your grades are dreary.
your attitude blustery.
and your mouth full of mockery.
teenager of mine,
please rewind back to sweet child.

hello my dear.
a new phase is here.
no longer little and scared.
you are fully grown,
but not ready to be on your own.
daughter i love you.
rest easy today, the day of your birth.

hello my dear.
it's time for me to be clear.
twenty years have passed.
it's time to get off your lazy ass.
get a job to pay your way.
i say this with love,
but with firmness i swear
it's 24 and out the door for you my dear.