A Colony of One

you'd think with all the hearts i've been through,
i'd learn a thing or two about love.
i'm surprised by the outcome every time.
i've established a perimeter around my heart.
i will defend it until i die.
no one is getting behind my lines!

i'm emotionally challenged
and sexually damaged.
i can't translate body language.
my eyes are transperant,
because my soul has grown cold.

calm down, panic serves no purpose.
the sun will come up tomorrow.
i have assembled a shield of steel.
i would recommend you retreat.
there's no shame in giving up.

i never reach critical mass.
my mask is super glued to my face.
my flesh is covered with scars of my past.
i feel no pain, like a leper, my system is numb.
i reside in a colony of one
and right now i feel it is over crowded.

Backlog of Debt

i miss being young and full of hope
life's highway has taken me to some strange places
they holy ghost closed his eyes and
broke his arms trying to hold me

i thought i could coast through life
leaving nights with a stranger's kiss unscathed
but i forgot that with every promise not kept
you build up a backlog of debt

every day i grew further from the truth
i let thousands of regrets go unchecked
my ocean of nothingness became hard
i began to linger where i wasn't wanted
i was sailing at full speed on low tide
fading away into a lonely existence

my heart is empty now
from the distance i look normal
but the closer you get the less you see
i've scattered too many pieces of my soul
to every hope to be whole

i watch the light go out of the sky
night brings the darkness i know
i am lost in my own thoughts
i am trying to right my course
but my compass spins endlessly

there's no closure to be found
i seek solance for a damaged soul
God doesn't speak to me anymore
i see my scars against the stars
my battle is a bit of dust in a giant's eye

i used to be able to pretend i don't care
but now i feel every stare
i wrap up my thoughts without consequences
the path i take from here is the one i fear
because today i dare to change