Marching Forward

from new paris to eaton to middletown to monroe to liberty township to canal winchester has been the path of my yellow brick road.
step to the rhythm of the FM radio, i fell deep into the credit card mania.
got swept away on a wave of debt and credit reports never forget.

took a few turns on the merry-go-round of love.
four men, i thought i'd live happily ever after with,
four men, and only one i decided to wed and he let me go, he let me go!

sweet is the world through the eyes of youth.
bitter the pill of reality.
a statistic in the fucking usa today, a teenage mother,
but i beat the odds, i did good.
i made it through college degree in hand and a plan.

time wears off the polish and your life begins to mold.
hope is shot dead by fear and you don't know which way to go.
examin the map that's gotten bigger then you thought.
the heart broken, the hands calloused, and a minding shutting down;
today seems like 16 years ago.

now it's back to square one.
one day at a time.
survive, sustain, and shut down the heart to outsiders.
look back inside your soul to find the gold.
let go. let go.
head down and keep marching forward on this yellow brick road.

Backlog of Debt

i miss being young and full of hope
life's highway has taken me to some strange places
they holy ghost closed his eyes and
broke his arms trying to hold me

i thought i could coast through life
leaving nights with a stranger's kiss unscathed
but i forgot that with every promise not kept
you build up a backlog of debt

every day i grew further from the truth
i let thousands of regrets go unchecked
my ocean of nothingness became hard
i began to linger where i wasn't wanted
i was sailing at full speed on low tide
fading away into a lonely existence

my heart is empty now
from the distance i look normal
but the closer you get the less you see
i've scattered too many pieces of my soul
to every hope to be whole

i watch the light go out of the sky
night brings the darkness i know
i am lost in my own thoughts
i am trying to right my course
but my compass spins endlessly

there's no closure to be found
i seek solance for a damaged soul
God doesn't speak to me anymore
i see my scars against the stars
my battle is a bit of dust in a giant's eye

i used to be able to pretend i don't care
but now i feel every stare
i wrap up my thoughts without consequences
the path i take from here is the one i fear
because today i dare to change

Rain

I got a speeding ticket, 95 dollars I don't have gone.
An ice cream carton hit me in the jaw on Sunday,
Only I can get hurt like that.
I got dragged by a great dane and fell.
Today it's supposed to rain.
But it's been raining on me all week.
Rain keeps pouring down on my soul,
beating me down until I feel so low.

I couldn't crawl out of this hold my mood has fallen into.
Rain keeps pouring down on my soul,
drowning all my hopes.
I'm so damn depressed.
Rain, Rain,it's raining down on me.

I replied to 16 personal ads online and no responses.
The car is falling apart.
My credit is in ruins.
There's a judgement against me and I don't even know what that means.
I'm swimming in rough waters of debt without a life perserver.
Only I could screw up my finances this bad.
Today it's supposed to rain.
But I've been getting rained on for days.

Rain keeps pouring down on my soul,
sweeping away all of my dreams.
I'm so damn depressed.
Rain, Rain go away.
Rain, Rain stop raining down on me.

I hate rainy days.