Winter in Late March

the wind cuts through my three layers of clothes as if i've come outside naked.
i turn the corner and my breath catches and my heart stammers.
the briskness of my walk fails to warm me and i come back in unable to feel my extremities.
i clumsily peel back the clothes to confirm i still have my fingers and my toes!

i cover up in three blankets and a 30 pound puggle.
an hour has lapsed and the chill still permeates every cell of flesh i have.
the winter has been a bitter enemy;
the spring an unwilling ally.
the snow begins again bringing more dread with no end.
even the ghosts of my past have been frozen solid.

i sit still in the quiet hoping to be forgotten.
the extended grey skies have crippled my enthusiasms.
now the only appealing things in my world are heat and sleep.
no one smiles or looks up between their mad dashes from heated cars to heated stores to their heated houses.
we are being held prisoner by winter's unyielding wrath.

i dream of a sun filled paradise.
palm trees, swimming pools, pink drinks with umbrellas and a tan all dance around in my head.
the mirages never stay and every morning the cold stabs my hope to death.
i'd fly away if i could afford it, but winter knows i'm stuck and delights in my misery.

the sun is out and mocking me with its shine, but no warmth it provides.
my aches have aches.
my pains have pains.
every movement triggers a tormenting throbbing of every muscle.
i crank up the thermostat and grit my teeth.
the dollars lost hurt almost as much as my fingers do.

wintertime i beg of you, move on to some other country.
i've had enough of your attention this year.
my life is on pause until you leave.
please die so i can live.
my soul is suffocating under your unrelenting gaze.
you use to be my favorite time of year, but your welcome has passed.
winter it's not you it's me!

In Between

i'm sitting here thinking about my life.
there's been so many up's and down's.
i've had high's and low's around every guy,
but lately, i feel hung up in between heartbreak and happiness.

there's no tears or screams this time.
i got all i need and most of what i wanted.
i'm tired of reaching beyond my means.
i may not have everything but i'm in between rich and poor.

the quiet surrounds me and i'm content.
i've gotten used to the mundane.
there's nothing wrong with me.
i enjoy the moments of solitude.
i like being in between over and under whelmed.

some would complain that all the passion is gone,
but i adore the peace in my heart.
no amount of money could buy me this mellow groove.
i dance around humming an upbeat melody.
i'm going to savor every in between day!

hurry me up or slow me down,
i'm not going to complain.
there's a complacent tone in my soul.
there's a smile on my face.
so you can be in between my good side and bad side,
and i won't get mad.

the holy spirit isn't whispering to me today.
my thoughts are coming at a good pace.
i've got my time lined up nice and neat.
i'll stay in between busy and bored this week.

you might joke about my obliviousness.
i'd walk past a fire in complete calm.
i'm centered and complete.
if i could stay in between heaven and hell for the rest of my life,
i'd be okay!

Glory, Money and Applause

i am a fake.
i copy what's around me.
i take in what i hear and throw it up butchered into what i believe to be my own thoughts.
as i listen to a song, i take a line or an idea to twist into my own verse.
i am a sponge.

i want to believe i'm a creative force undiscovered in the literay world.
a diamond waiting to be cut and polished to shine;
then put out for display with a huge markup.
my value assessed.
my artistic prowess confirmed.
but i just reiterate what i myself am unable to create.

i want the glory.
i want the money.
i want the critical beatings and the audience applause.
yet i will never see anything but lawsuits, court rooms, and heads shaking in disappointment.

i made up every word.
true or not, i heard it in my thoughts.
i grabbed it and wrestled it onto paper.
i pat myself on the back for my accomplishment.
but then i read somewhere that what i have has already been done.

i'm in deep into my mental disorder.
i saw him go from poor me to hearts dancing in his eyes.
love sweet love offers me a rest from the daily frustrations of my own life.
but he tells me he's not real.
another figment of my imagination floats away.

i am a fake.
i will never be published, but i will be heard someday.
maybe all this will end up in the dumpster when i die.
after i'm gone there's no guarentee these words will live on.
i am a sponge.

Dollar and Cents

day in and day out, same old crap to whine about.
i watch the shadows fade in and out.
one more day sitting at a generic desk.
this job robs me of who i am,
but feeds me what every one else demands.

one more day with a boss breathing down my neck.
i always screw something up,
but it's never enough to get me canned.
playing footsie with unemployment.
if there's no cause, i still get a check;
my life is nothing more then dollars and cents.

i go through the motions every day.
i check the tasks off my little cheat sheet.
this is how i mark the passing of time.
squeeze in some spider solitaire,
to wipe my brain free from others' complaints.
is it friday yet?

i watch the clock wind down.
i'm burnt out by 3pm.
one more day being a clog in a dysfunctional machine.
i always miss a detail,
but it's never to send me packing.
playing chicken with the man.
i got to dance to get that check,
because my life is built on dollars and cents.

another bill came in the mail today.
a stack of overdue notices in the trash can.
1-800 numbers fill my call history.
i don't even care anymore.
i don't feel anymore.
i shut down and shut up,
keeping my heaad down,
because i just need to exist,
so everyone else can get what they want!
i'm only worth the check i bring home,
it's all about the dollars and cents!