Two Percent

caught up in my emotional hurricane,
never stopping to take a break.
one day i'm going to cave.
trying to hold up against the storm.
board up the windows and lock the doors.
i just got to wait until it fades.

no amount of prayer can bail me out.
the damage is all around me
and i can't find a way out.
i pick up the pieces
and try to clean up after myself,
but at the end of the day i am not done.
i worry it'll never be okay.

the clock has run out on me.
i can try but never do.
the rain pours down on me.
my inner winds never die down.
i've built up a person
i can't support.
there's nothing i can do,
but watch it all burn.

caught up in the wildfire of my mistakes.
unable to see through the smoke.
i'm trying to put out my misery,
but it's only two percent contained.
trying to hold off the collapse,
but the firing is rolling in,
and i don't have enough to put out the flames.
this the day i finally cave!

High on Hope

like the randomness of my ipod on shuffle,
i chose you to hold my heart in your hands.
i held my breath waiting for you to come around.
i passed out starved from the lack of your attention.
in that second of oblivion i was floating, high on hope.
i came to and found hope had run itself into the ground.

it seems like i'm always on hold with you.
i'm not sure if you do it intentionally.
you aren't aware of the impact of your words,
and you think i'm clueless.
you're absurdly beyond oblivious.
i think you need some help!

like my dog sniffing for the perfect spot to poop,
you can't figure out why i feel like your dumping ground.
i mention my emotions to you
and you hijack the conversation to make it about you.
i'm trying to get a grip on what you want,
but i keep running out of rope with you.

it seems clear to me now.
you can't see me without the overlay of your ex's worst attributes.
the silhouettes are blurry to you.
and i'm sorry you're too blinded by the past
to see the future we could've had.
i think i'm getting help!

i was high on hope, but now i'm just depressed and alone!

Before

I don't know what to say.
How do you begin to understand
the horrors this world hands out,
to innocent bystanders, sudden victims?
You're scared and crying.
How do you capture the moments
BEFORE
before the pain?
before you were destroyed?
before your heart was ripped out?

We all hope there's some explanation,
either in our faith or the laws of human nature.
We cling to any possibility that we are right
and those who disagree are wrong.
There's a second of calm between dusk and the last bit of daylight.
If we could freeze the world
If we could reverse the tides of carelessness
If we could stop the wave of selfishness
and remind the world what it's like to serve
the good and kind
the just and the innocent

They are all stripped and powerless against the darkness of the world today.
No one is safe anywhere anymore.
There's no magical line you can cross,
to where the devil can't bring chaos to your door.
No escape from the doubt and the fear that cloud our vision
and cause our tears.
How do you capture the moments
BEFORE
before when it was simpler times?
before when your word was your bond?
before when you could take people at face value?
before when you could leave your door unlocked?

But not anymore, those times are gone for good.
Just a memory in some old man's head,
or a story to read at bedtime to the kids.
Before the world was stained by lies.
Before free love became twisted and died.
Before I was born.
I don't have any recollection of the time before.

No Point

an alluring pariah crosses another liar off the list, scrunches it up in a mental fist, tosses it out with the bitter taste he left in her mouth. yes, it's difficult to keep track. yes, i'd rather be in traction then be attracted to you.

close the blinds, put on the depression, it fits likes a 2nd skin. is there no end to the parade of losers i've let in? the adventure is never as fun as the reviewer said it was. i fall into the trappings of love like a junkie whore looking for a fix. i keep recycling my heart with used spare parts, and i've yet to love someone for good.

i'm running along the freeway, my mind is passing me by and my heart is going to burst, but i can't change my mind on a dime. i've gotten too deep into your neck of the woods. the whispers get to me and the stares bother me. everyone knows you better then i do. will you ever let me in so i can let you go?

a clueless genius, i swear i've found the cure for a broken heart, it's forgetting and leaving in the dark. i got holes in my conscious that i refuse to fill. there's no right or wrong when you live beyond black and white. just leave me the f*ck alone!

shut down the computer and crawl under the covers. everything is better after the pills kick in. i survive just to piss you off. i'm only playing. didn't you understand me? i lie, cheat, and kick people's teeth in.