At War

i follow the doctor's orders to the letter to feel better.
i need to apply the same principal to the 10 commandments to save my soul.
in my system, good goes gray and bad hangs around me in a purple haze.
i can't find my center.
the wii says i'm always leaning to the right,
but i'm always wrong!

there's an emptiness looming on my horizon.
i live two hours away from anyone i care about.
i have a lot more time coming into my hands.
i need some good directions,
but all i got is a high speed internet connection.

i'd love to have unlimited resources, but i don't.
money will be tight for awhile.
this is my time to do something for me,
but i don't know what i want.

i feel anxious, nervous, and confused.
it is an illusion they sold to me.
answers come with age, is what they told me.
maybe, i'm just not old enough yet!

i click on one button to post this to my blog.
i have not been able to find such a button inside me to push to motivate myself.
in my head, words become weapons and emotions liabilities.
i can't locate my safe haven.
the good book states that peace begins within,
but i'm always raging my own internal war!

Life is Simple

sweet sunshine pouring down on me
all the problems float away
there's no one here to rain on my parade
i'm inhaling the fragrant scents of nature's products.
this is a moment of bliss.

i'm not going to fight you anymore.
i'm letting go of your ghost today.
i said a prayer to forgive us both.
these memories are being packed away.
finally,, i feel like my old self again.

the birds are singing a joyful song.
all my worries have disappeared.
no on can steal my uplifted spirit.
i'm embracing every simple miracle i see.
this is a moment of victory.

i'm focused on righting my wrongs.
i'm enjoying life without guilt bring me down.
i feel a peace descend upon my soul.
these days of contentment are here to stay.
finally, i've overcome my own prison.

life is simple, people make it hard.

An Empty Tank

a thursday afternoon will never be as good as a saturday one,
just like i'll never be the right one.
the fate's have been funny and cruel to me.
i fall in love and it falls through.
he moves on and his next love sticks,
while i get older and lonlier by the minute.

my cup always needs refilled.
i'm never half of anything.
i'm all or nothing all the time,
but no matter how many times i falter,
i go on to the next one with hopeful optimism.

i'm the girl no one remembers.
i sail through life riding every little wave like it's my last.
but i sink fast and no one rewards me.
if i could unlock my full potential, i'd be a saint,
but i'll never get anywhere,
because i'm always running on an empty tank.

Goldie Oldies

i'm playing at work, wishing i had a good book; debating w/myself about the current state of my life; what's wrong & what's right; i don't know anymore; i keep walking into closed doors; w/no where to go, i greive the parts of me that never got to be.
....
i'm dwelling on the past; the love i had that didn't last; it's all slipping through my fingers, like sand through the hour glass; why & how go unanswered; it's just the way it is; no more blame to place; only memories to tease me about what might have been.
.. ..
my heart burns when it's yearning to be loved; when at night the lonliness surrounds me & it's silence is drowning me; i think, is this the 1/2 way mark; am i on a down hill slide? do i try to recapture what i miss? or stay cold, wrapped up in my pride?
.. ..
why is it so hard to tell someone you still love them? is it the years that have gone by? or the fear they'll laugh at you? i just want to taste his kiss one more time; and have it take me back to 17, when life was easier.
.. ..
it was the 2 of us; wrapped up in each other; that 1st love is like no other; wild; free; passionate; intense; covered in youth; dipped in stupid and totally unrealistic fantasies; nostalga washes over me & sweetens my dreams.