Revolve

my life is being lived backwards.
i began young with grown up ways.
now i just want to have fun!
i'm feeling greedy and hungry!
love me, need me, feed me!
i'll wrap myself around you and take you into me.
just let me have all of you
and i'll give you my everything!
i want you to focus on me.
put me in the center of your world.
revolve around me baby!
revolve around me!

i'm bubbly and so alive!
your life just jumped off its boring track.
hop onto me and never look back!
i ride every wave of ecstasy you bring.
you carry me away with every breath.
love me, want me, eat me!
you'll fill me up with your seed and i'll be what you need.
this isn't your typical affair.
fate brought us together on the luckiest of days.
now we take this path because we dare!
together we can rule this world!
revolve with me baby!
revolve around each other forever!

His Will

life is hard, but today that's alright.
i've kicked back on a chocolate sofa.
i'm enjoying life's simple comforts.
a gentle spirit has nested in my heart.
it's not perfect, but it's a start.

i'm delighted to be here.
it's a miracle to be born.
the way all the stars lined up.
how your mom and dad fell in love,
makes you believe in fate.

sadness robs us of God's warmth.
i've spent too many years in the darkness of despair.
i felt i had to be some impossible idea.
the perfect saint dressed in pure white,
but my white clothes all have mustard stains on them.
it dawned on me that i had to let go of perfect.

every day God's touch is within our view.
the blooming tiger lilies outside my back door.
the birds singing their beautiful songs.
my daughter watching reality tv.
all of it is evidence that God is here.

i thought i had to climb to the top of a mountain
or visit some exotic land to see God's hand,
but now i realize he is everywhere.

i am humbled.
i understand so little of his plan.
faith will have to guide me through.
i cannot see him, if i am not looking.
i cannot hear him, if i am not listening.
so today i sit still,
waiting, hoping, and praying to do his will.

An Empty Tank

a thursday afternoon will never be as good as a saturday one,
just like i'll never be the right one.
the fate's have been funny and cruel to me.
i fall in love and it falls through.
he moves on and his next love sticks,
while i get older and lonlier by the minute.

my cup always needs refilled.
i'm never half of anything.
i'm all or nothing all the time,
but no matter how many times i falter,
i go on to the next one with hopeful optimism.

i'm the girl no one remembers.
i sail through life riding every little wave like it's my last.
but i sink fast and no one rewards me.
if i could unlock my full potential, i'd be a saint,
but i'll never get anywhere,
because i'm always running on an empty tank.

Returning an Unwanted Favor

it's okay dear, all your tears have been cried.
it's okay here, we've dumped your fears to the past.
no one knows the way home.
stars shoot across the blackened sky
just like the fire light that dances then dies.

you trapped yourself up on a pedastool.
i knew you'd never admit defeat.
i captured the whole fiasco on tape.
i had to prove to you he was more then you could take,
but i received hate instead of thanks.

it's okay dear, i get it.
it's okay here, i already forgave you.
no one knows their fate.
dogs howl at every moon,
just like you fall in love with every fool.

i was here before too, hooked on lies.
blue eyes that hypnotize,
you pulled me to safety before i drowned.
you had to prove to me i was wrong
and i never said thank you,
but i'm returning the unwanted favor now.

it's okay dear, i won't let you drown.
it's okay here, there's always tomorrow to find another happily ever after.

Naked All the Time

i'm not in the mood to play today.
you're so fine, i want to make you mine.
but you are unaware that i'm still here.
i'm too full of fear to make a move.
i try to chase away the doubt with a few dozen beers,
but i'm still sitting on the couch.

i don't know how to make our lives intersect.
if i'm bold and take the leap,
rejection's cold sting will make me weep.
no one is perfect, but i bet you come close.
i'd love to be the only one to tell you so.

i'm fond of the clinical approach.
i've searched the web for the best antedotes.
i'm coming up with a plan to force fate's hand.
of course, i'd understand if i am disappointed.
the objects of my desire usually fail to live up to the hype.

but it's all in my mind,
you running around naked all the time.
i dare not risk my own exposure.
i don't even know if you remember me.
the years have been kinder to you then me,
but i'm not who i used to be.

we aren't kids anymore.
i could never tell you then
and it appears i can't tell you now,
that i wanted to be more to you
then the brat who lives down the road.
but i've never been brazen
when it comes to dumping my emotional loads.

i still walk around naked all the time.
you used to tell on me for that.
now there's just more of me,
and i doubt you'd enjoy looking at it.
so i'll keep my little fantasies to myself.
and ever so often, check in on you from afar.

if fate wants to play with me,
maybe it can find a way to have us meet again.
but until then i have to wait
and have another beer.
just sitting here on the couch, naked again,
me and my fears.

October Knows

I'm losing track of time.
I look out the window and watch a day fade from blue to black.
Leaves are changing colors and falling to the ground.
The throes of death are all around me.
Winter will be colder without you around.

Natural selection has left me standing alone.
If only I had a blue print, I'd cut myself out to your specifications.
But life isn't custom made and I'm not like that.
I say what I think before I stop to edit.
You always yelled at me for that.

Last week seems like this week just the numbers have changed.
I cross out the days on the calendar with no emotion.
I go back to bed in the middle of the day.
I want to feel again, but I've forgotten how.
The happiness has left me.

Fate is something others believe in.
I believe you are always at the crossroads.
And I'm getting some bad directions.
Every choice I make leads me the wrong way.
Who can I trust when I don't trust myself?

This isn't about what I should've done or what I didn't do.
I am looking into the future, but it's too dark to see anything.
I'm scared.
So I'll settle down into another empty night and pray it'll be alright.