About a Man

my life has become a one sided conversation.
i speak to you but you're not even here.
the disaster is evident in the pill bottles scattered on the bathroom counter top
and the dropped pills on the floor.
i never bother to pick them up because there's always more.

i drown a little every time you reach out to hit me with your angry words.
i sink below the surface of your hate even more.
i broke under the weight of your expectations.
just when i begin to show some progress, you pop up and drag me under once more.

i'm a good person trapped in your bad mood.
the perpetual shifts in your demeanor swing me until i get sick off all the emotions.
let me go. let me down. let me out of this miserable relationship and your twisted revenge.
life is simple for most, but for me it's always been so damn confusing.

yes, as usual, it's all about a man!
it always has been.
the current mistake hurts the most.
i thought i'd gotten it right, but i was kidding myself.

7pm

last night as i laid in bed at 7pm,
i let my mind wander over what could have been.
i am wasting my days playing these what if games.
i am still aching over losing you.
i wonder how many months until i feel good?

i had a sad song stuck in my head.
all night long, i hummed along.
even when it started hurting my head.
i couldn't remember who sung it
or even the name of the song,
but i hung on to it,
like a life raft, i clung to it.
i hoped it would keep me from drowning in my memories of us.

last night as i laid in bed at 7pm,
i cried into my pillow again.
it's been nearly two months now,
i feel like a ghost of my former self.
i am haunted by your smile and voice.
life was so good for a little while.
i wonder how much longer must i endure,
until i feel whole again without you?