Favorite Chocolate Bar

i'm inhaling the leftover scent of your cologne.
i try to capture your intense presence in a jar.
your hazel eyes inspired me to fall.
i want to take this feeling and hang it up like a poster on my wall.
you could be my idol and i could be your doll,
but i'm not grammy material.
and the music we made ended on the wrong note.
now your voice is lost to me!

i want to recycle my memories into toys for poor kids
or maybe turn myself into your favorite chocolate bar,
then you would love me as much as pooh bear loves his honey.
please change your cooling affections!
it's sunday maybe by thursday you'll want me again.
i'm nowhere without your hands dancing with desire over my skin.
i feel like i've fallen into an empty pit of despair;
instead of you keeping me warm i wear thermal underwear.

take a laser and carve you out of my brain.
be thorough, i want to forget every little thing.
why couldn't you like me the most?
if you were a drug i'd be your abuser.
the words growled under your breath fester like open wounds upon my flesh.
open up my chest and remove my heart;
it's not important to me if you aren't here for me to love!

Embracing the Small Stuff

i'm finding thoughts that linger.
i'm feeling emotions in slow motion.
my eyes are catching every glimmer of hope.
is this how a microbe feels under a microscope?

i'm seeing every subtle shade of color.
my nose is smelling every scent in the air.
i stare at my hand in wonder as it moves like magic.
the world is like a gift i've just opened.
the best of life is in embracing the small stuff.

i've been lackadaisical in how i live.
i close my eyes and let my ears rediscover
every little sound my home utters.
the sound of a furnace running in May.
the music's melodic twists and turns.
the birds that sing and flutter around confused.
i am embracing every little noise like it's the first time i've ever heard it.

the nuances jump out at me today.
life is a delicate balance
wrapped up in a complicated yet perfect web.
i had feared myself lost to sorrow's kiss,
now i'm reborn with a joyous attitude.

the worry is gone and i feel strong.
doubt tries to insert itself but i resist it.
even if this epiphany is brief,
it's been the freshest breath of air i've ever breathed.
it has brought me tranquility.

i don't know where i'll be in five years,
and for once i don't care about it.
i have found a moment of complete calm
and i'm going to wallow in it,
happier then a pig in mud!

7pm

last night as i laid in bed at 7pm,
i let my mind wander over what could have been.
i am wasting my days playing these what if games.
i am still aching over losing you.
i wonder how many months until i feel good?

i had a sad song stuck in my head.
all night long, i hummed along.
even when it started hurting my head.
i couldn't remember who sung it
or even the name of the song,
but i hung on to it,
like a life raft, i clung to it.
i hoped it would keep me from drowning in my memories of us.

last night as i laid in bed at 7pm,
i cried into my pillow again.
it's been nearly two months now,
i feel like a ghost of my former self.
i am haunted by your smile and voice.
life was so good for a little while.
i wonder how much longer must i endure,
until i feel whole again without you?

The Music in My Head

Dancing to the music
The music ONLY I can hear
I sway and spin
My head in my hands
Just being me
Whatever that’s for
Whoever that is
Just being me
And living
And breathing

Spilling my woes
In the nearest sympathetic ear
Words pour out
Cluttered
Unorganized
No one knows how it goes
Inside my head is an empty dread
The mystery no one wants solved
I feel so unwanted
I am NOT needed

Guilty as charged
I screwed up again
It wouldn’t be a day
Without say Oops for me
So here it goes
Don’t exactly know
What’s up from down
But I try
That’s better than some