Stalled

stalled out in the fast lane
no where to go
no escape
i watch the crash happen
i see it all unfold
i can't stop it
the pain
the blood
the burning
capture every tear
store every smell
watch the aftermath
see everyone collapse
find the hope hiding behind the fear
lives forever altered
five minutes turns into an eternity
everyone disappears
dispersed to clear the road
until the next collision
wrap up the bloody clothes
put up a white cross on the side of the road
find a new love
wait for it to end
hold my breath
pray this one doesn't hurt
thank him for the lesson
leave your heart in the slow lane
look both ways
cross at your own risk
broken hearts stop traffic
stalled out in the fast lane

A Lot to Learn

i thought i was finished.
that was my mistake.
the work i need hasn't even begun.
my whole universe is a major construction zone.
i keep taking the detours,
but i never end up where i wanted to go.
i keep passing orange cones,
hoping to see the end of my road,
but there's more work to be done.

the glasses of youth let us see our potential.
the future is a secret so we don't lose hope.
if you were told by 40 you'd be fat, broke, divorced and alone;
your motivation to live wouldn't exist.
our immortality is a mere footnote on a census report.

i had goals to achieve.
i didn't plan for the mistakes.
i let people use me.
i let people hurt me.
i was so broken hearted i could not see
that these tests brought out the best in me.
i speak gentler now.
i am kinder now.
i've turned my own pain inside out.
i've flipped the sorrow over to help others.
my lessons are many, but i still have alot to learn.

How Bad can Hell be?

you shook me to my epicenter.
as i rebuild myself from the ruins,
i worry about possible aftershocks.
you've been quiet for awhile,
but in the back of my mind,
there is a whisper, he'll be coming back around.
i don't think i can withstand another encounter with you.
i'm thinking it's time to change my number and move.

paranoia isn't pretty
and maybe it's more likely my pride
telling me you aren't done with me,
because you left so abruptly.
i have to steel myself against your charms.
i have another demon to slay.

i found out a secret.
it is killing me to keep it.
but it's not my story to tell.
and i'm afraid i'll cause damage
and i do adore this person so much.
they are good and warm and friendly.
all this work on becoming a better person is exhausting.

how bad can hell be if entry to heaven is so hard to attain?
i've broken at least 7 of the 10 commandments so far.
i commit 2 out of the 7 sins on a regular basis.
is it the little sins that add up that doom you?
or is it the real big ones just being done once that get you?
Is God an all or nothing type?
it hurts my head to linger on such matters.

i've got to balance myself again.
i fall so easily on the slightest whim.
i cut myself over and over again.
when is the lesson learned?
my whole life has been filled with trials and hardships.
i have to break my bad habits.
I can't love you ever again!