Hannah Nicole

i'm feeling neglected but it's because i miss you.
my patience is wearing thin waiting for our Hannah Nicole.
i see us clearly holding her in the near future.
a little pink bundle of joy with my blonde hair and your hazel eyes.

i'm feeling lost but it's because you aren't here.
my heart is on pause until you are near.
i know this is an adjustment i need to make
and when our Hannah Nicole gets here it'll be okay!

i'm feeling tired and worn out because your energy is gone.
my body needs your love to stay strong.
i know in my heart we belong.
we will be rewarded for our time apart when we see our Hannah Nicole at last.

i'm feeling hope spring up inside of me because you love me.
my soul is yours because i love you.
this love is our bond.
our Hannah Nicole will show the world we aren't wrong!

Leftover Mentality

i look at myself through stangers' eyes
and i realize i live my life with a leftover mentality.
i don't think i deserve anything new.
i buy second hand clothes, used cars, and repurposed furniture.
i try to take what has been neglected,
even when i have money i feel poor.

my newly uncovered flaw
shows me my greastest weakness of all;
i can't bestow kindness upon myself.
i believe in forgiving others debts,
but the message i've forgotten is to be merciful to myself.

i use my own emotions against me.
i weld my fear like a weapon,
going on the defensive when someone gets to close to home.
i bad mouth myself all the time.
it's hard to be thankful when i am the problem.

i have to let my inner hatred die.
inside my soul i have faith,
faith i am a good person.
i have to free myself from the chains i created.
i have to find my passion for living again!

In Progress

i hear myself through others ears
i see myself through others eyes
i want to realize i'm not who i think i am
but i can't keep from picking myself apart
it's hard to stop once it starts
i can't pick the age from the years
it's all interconnected to my fears

please don't take what's on the outside
and assume it's what i see in my mind's eye
somewhere along the way i picked up shadows
and they magnify everything i hate about me
now i'm trying to grasp that i lie to myself
i see the way i keep myself off limits
it's all tied to my deepest committments

i am tuning into a new frequency
it's more upbeat and easy going
time is slow to catch me up
but i want to follow this new road
write a new map upon my torn soul
there are detours threatening my recovery
it's an apathy i can't control rolling over me

you seem to want to shake me up
you can't stomach my self pity
but you can't pick me up
i have to want to pick myself up off the floor
your patience will be tested
my growing confidence stressed
i see a list of sins confessed

the question i ask is can i change
when i've failed here so often
the door of change neglected
i need proper guidance
and a firm hand on my doubts
when going through the darkness
i'm merely a work in progress