Fat and Blame

i've backed myself into the corner again.
i sit there likes it's the only place that ever felt like home.
my troubles replay on an infinite loop.
the more i change the more i end up here.
my hopes are washed away by my tears.
the fears harbor me and i hold them near.
i begged myself to let go of the past, but my chains are pure titanium!

faces and places lose their impact.
i can't remember what i forgot.
all the nonsense makes sense to me.
my thoughts form but never sink in.
i'm treading water but afraid to swim.
i want one person to accept as i am, but no one cares!

i laugh for no reason.
these up's and down's are my seasons.
i could convict my soul for high treason.
i handed out my heart like it's replaceable.
i keep getting angry at my disgraceful behavior, but i'm addicted to the danger!

fat and blame circle my bones like a vulture.
i can't continue to sustain this new me.
i feel my pounds creeping back onto me.
i can't say i'm eating out of misery because i'm so damn happy!
i fear this will come to a bad end, but i can't walk away from him.

Unfulfilled Desires

my heart doesn't know it's been broken.
i've been abandoned faster then a sinking ship.
the emptiness of your lies make me a laughing stock.
the high of your touch blindsided me.
you yanked my chains and pulled my hair.
we breathed as one, lust upon lust.
i felt your desire press against my ass.

i couldn't wait to taste you again, then it just ended!
abbreviated, i was truncated.
you robbed me of a new level of trust.
the lowest of the low crashed lower then ever before.
your hickey has faded, but your imprint remains.

i can't wait for this to pass.
the brief moment in my kitchen corner is over.
i scrubbed the counter over and over.
you had a dilemma, but i gave up before it began.
i lied to you, because i saw how she looks at you.
i don't steal, but i still feel.

i can't wait until she finds out about you.
i can't stay away.
you're the bug zapper and i'm the bug stupid enough to fly into you.
i'm not enough, even though you set me on fire.
you just walk away and watch me burn.
your kisses tasted like heaven.
your passion ignited dead desires.
now i'm yearning for your enthusiastic tongue against my breasts again!

i'm not waiting for you to come around to me again.
i'm adding another mistake with your name to my list.
a pattern is emerging, i'm putting this fire out.
i can't turn you around, so i'll just peddle faster to get over this hump.
i deserve more then you can give to me.
i am always the one doing all the sacrificing.
i'm lying in bed tonight with only my unfulfilled desires to keep me warm.

Leftover Mentality

i look at myself through stangers' eyes
and i realize i live my life with a leftover mentality.
i don't think i deserve anything new.
i buy second hand clothes, used cars, and repurposed furniture.
i try to take what has been neglected,
even when i have money i feel poor.

my newly uncovered flaw
shows me my greastest weakness of all;
i can't bestow kindness upon myself.
i believe in forgiving others debts,
but the message i've forgotten is to be merciful to myself.

i use my own emotions against me.
i weld my fear like a weapon,
going on the defensive when someone gets to close to home.
i bad mouth myself all the time.
it's hard to be thankful when i am the problem.

i have to let my inner hatred die.
inside my soul i have faith,
faith i am a good person.
i have to free myself from the chains i created.
i have to find my passion for living again!

Lead the Way

i'm taking your hand.
i'm letting you lead the way.
you're so sure of the path we are on.
i'm letting go of my doubts and fears.
i'm taking this leap of faith.
i'm hoping we land on solid ground unscathed.

perfection is just flaws you can live with.
love alters your vision.
i no longer see errors when i look at you.
i never want to come down from this high.
i'm flying through the air on this trapeze
with no safety net to catch me.

i'm spinning around on a dance floor.
you're leading the way.
your confidence eases my insecurities.
i can say i love you while looking you in the eyes.
i'm taking this as a good sign.
i pray for years of happiness to come.

affection is a choice you make to show
your love holds no hostages.
i no longer hesitate when you reach for me.
i never want this feeling to end.
i'm jumping from the airplane
with no parachute to break my fall.

i'm not hung up on uncertainties.
i'm letting you lead the way.
every day i wake up knowing you're the one.
i'm finally breaking away from my chains.
i know now you can't plan love out!