Favorite Chocolate Bar

i'm inhaling the leftover scent of your cologne.
i try to capture your intense presence in a jar.
your hazel eyes inspired me to fall.
i want to take this feeling and hang it up like a poster on my wall.
you could be my idol and i could be your doll,
but i'm not grammy material.
and the music we made ended on the wrong note.
now your voice is lost to me!

i want to recycle my memories into toys for poor kids
or maybe turn myself into your favorite chocolate bar,
then you would love me as much as pooh bear loves his honey.
please change your cooling affections!
it's sunday maybe by thursday you'll want me again.
i'm nowhere without your hands dancing with desire over my skin.
i feel like i've fallen into an empty pit of despair;
instead of you keeping me warm i wear thermal underwear.

take a laser and carve you out of my brain.
be thorough, i want to forget every little thing.
why couldn't you like me the most?
if you were a drug i'd be your abuser.
the words growled under your breath fester like open wounds upon my flesh.
open up my chest and remove my heart;
it's not important to me if you aren't here for me to love!

Leftover Mentality

i look at myself through stangers' eyes
and i realize i live my life with a leftover mentality.
i don't think i deserve anything new.
i buy second hand clothes, used cars, and repurposed furniture.
i try to take what has been neglected,
even when i have money i feel poor.

my newly uncovered flaw
shows me my greastest weakness of all;
i can't bestow kindness upon myself.
i believe in forgiving others debts,
but the message i've forgotten is to be merciful to myself.

i use my own emotions against me.
i weld my fear like a weapon,
going on the defensive when someone gets to close to home.
i bad mouth myself all the time.
it's hard to be thankful when i am the problem.

i have to let my inner hatred die.
inside my soul i have faith,
faith i am a good person.
i have to free myself from the chains i created.
i have to find my passion for living again!