Lonesome Soul

the name calling has started, it's a sign the end has come.
you don't believe me and i don't trust you.
we sit in our separate houses to stew.
there's no mercy in a battle of bleeding hearts.
you're ripping my dreams out through my uterus.
my period has become a badge for all my failures.

the voices surrounding me mock my choices.
i sit behind a closed curtain waiting endlessly to be seen.
my hurting doesn't even matter to God.
my prayers are dying under the weight of my regrets.
i lost my grandmother yesterday.
my joy has been overcome by my pain.

i remember her devotion to God and family.
she seemed so fragile, but her spirit never would break.
i'm sucked up into a restless life.
i'm not content unless there's strife.
my mistakes get worse with every breath i take.
these burdens are burning me at the stake.

i'm certain i'll die a lonesome soul.
cold, destitute, barren, depressed, shattered and alone!

Cut and Paste

i wish i could cut you out of my life and paste in someone that wouldn't destroy me.
i want to erase your memory, but the photographs remind me.
i loved you too much and now it's killing me.
i walked the same path every day for so many years and i never saw it,
but now i'm seeing everything.

my heart is shattered and you're a free man.
no matter how many tears i cry;
nothing will change the fact you're gone, you're gone.

people change.
people grow.
people drift apart.
so every keeps telling me, but i don't care about people.
i only care about you.

when did we lose each other's pulse?
when did we get out of step?
i still remember every dance.
in my heart, we aren't that far apart, but you're still gone, you're gone.

i scream.
i lash out.
i get mean.
but after all the rage runs out,
nothing has changed, you're gone, you're gone.

i'm cold.
i'm alone.
i'm empty inside my heart.
why?
why?
why are you gone?

Past the Point of Super Glue

i'm in a cage built with my own hands
time slipped by me unaccounted for
one day i was young the next day i was old
tricks of light made me thingk i was getting somewhere
but i've not gone anywhere

until the end i'll be going backwards
i'm caught up in what i ought to be
i never dreamed i'd fall so short
and just how badly failure hurts

on the outside no one is looking in
i'm invisible without any friends
i hang out on the fringes of normal
i know their language but i'm not fluent in it

i'm not accepted but i'm not outright rejected
so i dangle over this line
knowing someday i'll drop and die
so many mistakes i put them in my scrapbook
the pictures remind me why my heart keeps getting broken

i'm shattered into so many pieces that i'm past the point of super glue
i want what i will never have
i see it but i never get to feel it
but i can fake it for a little while
but then i get tired
until the end this is who i've always been

Dance in the Ashes of Me

it all comes rushing in on me
my insecurities, my self-hate,
i forget sometimes who i am,
but then the bad thoughts circle around again.
they're never far from the surface.
lying in wait for a second of quiet,
to pop any calm i've obtained.
and then they dance in my pain.

dance in my misery.
dance on the ruins of my dreams.
dance with disappointment.
dance around with glee
reveling in the ashes of me.

i hear strange voices over the air.
they say mean things to me.
enjoying the barbs and taunts,
my hope for a minute of peace
is shattered so i dance in my pain.

dance above my dashed hopes.
dance around my low self-esteem.
dance in the darkness of my soul.
dance around with glee.
dance in the ashes of me.

i've lost it.
there's too many people around me
to be cleaning out my closet.
i slam the door on the shadows,
pushing away recovery's hope,
jumping down the slippery slope.
and you jump up in glee,
because you can keep dancing in the ashes of me.