The Love They Got

you won't find my heart in the high priced aisle's;
it's stuck in the back, marked down, got to go,
almost free & it don't even got to be to a good home.
i watch the people pass me by
and i wonder if i'm too tattered and torn
to ever get the love they got.

i went fishing for a committment
using a baby as the bait.
my uterus let me down.
now i don't have a shot in hell of keeping
either man from running away from me as fast as they can.

you won't see my soul singing hymns up in heaven.
it'll be dancing in hell fire, almost burnt beyond recognition,
numb to the pain, and smoldering with sin.
i watch the righteous on the tv
and i know i'm too broken and forlorn
to ever get God's love like they got.

i filled my head up with happy endings.
i was giving my love away like it didn't hurt me in any way.
my hopes of someone falling in love with me
has every one laughing at me behind my back.
you won't see me out begging.
the love they got i don't want it anymore!

Adieu

i'm growing weak from the havoc you create
you disguise your lies as a lover's appetite
my heart can't be sustained with you as my mate
my hopes are flying away like a runaway kite

i built you up and you tore me down
it hurts when you don't respond
your rejection slaps me around
i dumped your belongings into the pond

my tears echo in these empty hallways
your memory haunts every corner
i let you rule me with your dominant ways
my foolish pride made me a slow learner

your anger is the only part of you i knew
it's been long overdue to bid you a final adieu

Only God Knows

i'm trying to stay positive.
it's hard when negativity hits me every day.
how many blows to my soul can i take?
only God knows. only God knows.

i try to be optimistic.
i got bad news today.
how many times can i be disappointed?
only God knows. only God knows.

i try to be helpful.
i always offer a helping hand.
how long can i withstand all the rejection?
only God knows. only God knows.

i get worn out.
my life seems endlessly tough.
when will my trials end?
only God knows. only God knows.

i dare not forsake my faith.
i can't always feel good.
how will i move forward?
only God knows my heart.
only God knows me.

Past the Point of Super Glue

i'm in a cage built with my own hands
time slipped by me unaccounted for
one day i was young the next day i was old
tricks of light made me thingk i was getting somewhere
but i've not gone anywhere

until the end i'll be going backwards
i'm caught up in what i ought to be
i never dreamed i'd fall so short
and just how badly failure hurts

on the outside no one is looking in
i'm invisible without any friends
i hang out on the fringes of normal
i know their language but i'm not fluent in it

i'm not accepted but i'm not outright rejected
so i dangle over this line
knowing someday i'll drop and die
so many mistakes i put them in my scrapbook
the pictures remind me why my heart keeps getting broken

i'm shattered into so many pieces that i'm past the point of super glue
i want what i will never have
i see it but i never get to feel it
but i can fake it for a little while
but then i get tired
until the end this is who i've always been

Missing Love

I'm not going to accomplish anything else tonight.
But I don't want to go home.
I don't want to be alone.
Everything about me screams loser.
My dreams fled long ago.

There's not alot of options for people like me.
I am hanging on by a thread.
My hope has deserted me.
My heart doesn't speak to me.
My depression sinks me to new lows.
It's hard to want someone who doesn't want you.
It hurts to watch them find love without you.

I keep finding myself in the same situation.
Driving down the wrong way on a one way street.
Too scared to stopo and ask for directions.
I flirt with diseaster.
I tangle with emotional distress.
I fall in love with love.
I must confess I am a mess.
Screwed up beyond repair,
I look around for relief from my despair.

Happy couples surround me.
I want to vomit.
I want to run.
I keep looking for a gun.
I want to rip my eyes out.
I don't want to see what they have is something I'll never get.
It's love returned.
It's a blessed event.

Here I am empty handed again.
My heart shredded by my mislead directions.
I've been ejected before I ever moved in.
I just want to be loved.
I miss being in love.
I want to be loved.