Heat in a Moment

it's a dark night, stars and moon are out of sight.
our cooling bodies entangled in the sheets.
the distant worries begin to accumulate.
life is altered from how we've known it.
all in the transfer of our body heat in a moment.
the passion ripples inside our bodies but my heart is unmoved.

i waited years to touch and kiss you.
i wanted you for so long i had almost quit,
but events unfolded like a treasure map.
you were led to me and i embraced you.
i'm not one to think things through
and now that our heat in a moment is at an end...

it's quiet as we lay side by side staring up at the ceiling.
the house could be on burning down and we wouldn't move.
the magic spell of passion's heat in a moment has been broken.
we both are wondering where do we go from here!

this adventure wasn't as fulfilling as i had dreamnt.
i built this moment up in my fantasies and reality tore it down.
my attention span has been redirected and you haven't even left my bed.
as the night slowly turns into day, this heat in a moment fades away.

i'm running like i always do, until another man catches my eye.
i love having a new one to pursue.
the chase is the heat that builds slowly before it ignites me.
one day i'll stop and regret all the love i've let pass me by,
but now i have to tell you good bye.
there's this really good looking guy i want to try!

My Lost Hope

you were a hope i never got to hold.
this morning my world came apart.
my heart has frozen solid and stopped.
this is how it feels to lose a child.
i never got to see you born.
God gave me the possibility of you,
but then God took away the reality of you.

i still have the booties and the sleeper.
i'm trying to wrap my mind around not being able to keep you.
i'm devastated and hurting.
the physical pain will fade as you bleed out of me,
but the sorrow i feel will never fade.
i'm sorry i wasn't able to stop you from leaving.

i've been reassured this isn't my fault,
but i feel as if i'm being punished by God.
i don't even know if you were a boy or a girl.
my lost hope, i love you still.
i feel literally empty without you.
i'm the only one who wanted you.
i would've cherished and adored you.
my little angel, rest in heaven now,
i will always miss you.

Marching Forward

from new paris to eaton to middletown to monroe to liberty township to canal winchester has been the path of my yellow brick road.
step to the rhythm of the FM radio, i fell deep into the credit card mania.
got swept away on a wave of debt and credit reports never forget.

took a few turns on the merry-go-round of love.
four men, i thought i'd live happily ever after with,
four men, and only one i decided to wed and he let me go, he let me go!

sweet is the world through the eyes of youth.
bitter the pill of reality.
a statistic in the fucking usa today, a teenage mother,
but i beat the odds, i did good.
i made it through college degree in hand and a plan.

time wears off the polish and your life begins to mold.
hope is shot dead by fear and you don't know which way to go.
examin the map that's gotten bigger then you thought.
the heart broken, the hands calloused, and a minding shutting down;
today seems like 16 years ago.

now it's back to square one.
one day at a time.
survive, sustain, and shut down the heart to outsiders.
look back inside your soul to find the gold.
let go. let go.
head down and keep marching forward on this yellow brick road.

Perfect World

i'm getting lost inside my mind.
i sit and conjure up my own happily ever after.
there's a big house full of screaming kids and
a man that loves me more then anything,
in my perfect world.
time are good and laughter is free.
there's no where else i'd rather be,
but my perfect world is just a dream.

the place where i breathe isn't everything i'd thought it would be.
i sleep along, i eat alone, i talk to the dog.
the one kid i have is grown
and it's just me, with nothing to do but kill time.
so every chance i get i close my eyes to escape to my perfect world.

in my perfect world, there's water fights on hot summer days,
and cuddling in front of a fire on a cold winter nights.
there's a dinner table full of my babies.
someone spilled the milk and another one yells dibs on the last roll.
there's no place else i'd rather be,
but my perfect world doesn't belong to me.

the real world is eight hours surrounded by cubicle walls,
coming home to an empty house,
heating up dinner in the microwave,
just me with nothing to do but kill time.
10 pm is bed, my favorite part of the day,
when i close my eyes and fade into my perfect world.

Lost to Me

i'm under constant surveillance.
that's not my paranoia speaking.
my sub-conscience is under duress.
it's so silent and peaceful
here in the darkness.

everything is out of control.
i make on list after another,
trying to put order to the chaos.
i'll never forget,
but i'm working on forgiveness.

i've been asking my mind to show
my heart some mercy.
i fear a mysterious death at the hands
of an unknown foe.
and all that'll be left behind by me,
will not be worth remembering.

my introspection came up empty.
my conscious unable to fill the smallest measuring cup.
my past is a compilation of confabulations
with nothing real to cling to
i fall further into dispair.

i'd build a mountain to climb
to prove i'm still alive, but
every night i put my dreams on rewind.
i disconnect from the disappointment of my reality.
i indulge in the delusion of happiness in my dreams.

my sickness masks my creator.
i have my own will and cannot submit to another.
i'm inauthentic in my thoughts,
arranging them to expedite my trip
through this finite and painful existence.
i fret my psychosis is all in my head.

the words won't come to me anymore.
i search the corners of my soul
for the inspiration i once knew,
but all is gone, lost to the holes
in my brain, lost to time, lost to me.