Silent

i don't know where to start
and i have no idea how to end it
this is wrong no matter how you spin it
the words come and go but none capture the moment
i'm silent

my ears heard you say it
i saw the expression on your face
you were serious and full of intentions
i'm not sure if they were good or bad
which direction you are heading is a mystery
you're waiting for my response
i'm silent

normally, i can fire off a quick quip
brush off your shots easily
dodge your bullets like a pro
whenever you try to get under my skin
i deflect you again and again
but this was unexpected
its not like you to cut so deep to hurt me
your cheshire like grin leaves me Silent

did you read a self help book
or join an online relationship forum
the other day you mentioned being at your wits end
i didn't pay attention to it
i never do when you say stupid things like that
i love you isn't that enough for you
now we are staring at each other
you're holding your breath now
we are now both Silent

i think you broke us
i don't know what to do or say
i let the Silence stay
i grab my coat
i go out the door
and i walk away

Insecurities

my insecurities are stalking me.
you're steeped in sickness but i fret over your unresponsiveness.
i feel like i need you more then you need me.
the voices of discontent grow louder in my head.
i want to believe your reasons are legitimate,
but the lies of past lover's leave me unconvinced.

i pick apart our time spent.
is there a deception i have missed tucked away among your perfect words?
a riddle or mystery waiting to be solved has emerged.
this has been an amazing journey,
but my daddy's words echo, "if it's too good to be true,
then he's probably lying to you"

my flaws are becoming prominent.
your concern for your own contentment grows.
you have your life all planned out and i'm not in it.
i'm a wildcard that only cast doubts.
you reassure me it'll be okay.
you tell me i have nothing to worry about
then why am i worried?

my feet cast shadows on the wall.
i watch my fears come out to play.
i don't know how to turn these lemons into lemonade.
i don't have the nerve to complain.
you explained yourself just yesterday,
but i'm still confused!

the pressure to be who you want gets to me.
i want to be who you think i am.
i hide the bitter, fearful, depressed parts of me.
i struggle every day to be half of who i am.
i don't want to ruin the illusions you have.
you are what i see i wish i could be more like you.

my insecurities are ready to overtake me.
just beyond my reach is sanity.
i must resist the urge to flip my lid.
there's questions i have that are unreasonable.
i keep waiting for my fears to fade, but know i now they are my friends.
this is how i protect my heart.
i freak out then fall apart!

The Mystery

I bring you up to heaven with my touch.
I can take you down to hell with one word.
I leave you wondering why.
You go through cards and letters trying to solve
the mystery i left behind.
you read my emails searching for answer i refused to give to you.
i don't have to tell you why.
not this time.

it hurts so much and it says so.
little i give you to ease the pain.
i leave you baffled, full of questions.
it bothers you all the time.
you can't get me off your mind.
the unanswered questions naw away at you.
in phone calls you beg me for release,
but i won't every tell you why.
not this time.

i left the dots behind.
you have to connect them on your own.
i won't tell you why, no, i won't.
you go ahead and cry.
too often i led you where you wanted to go.
but now you got to get there on your own.
i won't tell you why.
not this time.