Sparrows and Lost Loves

why do people sing about sparrows and lost loves
when i can only summon chocolate wrapped bacon dreams?
baffle me again and again,
oh this muse of mine huffs cheap cleaner behind the dollar general,
and i drop the ball again!

cascading doubts wash me out.
i've got dirt under my nails again.
i don't want to fuss or deal with the mess.
hide me in plain sight;
ignore my stupid plight.
does anyone have a chocolate bunny?
i could use a bite!

why do people drive around in circles everyday to go to a job
that barely pays when i want to run away and play?
baffle me again and again,
oh this soul of mine yearns to buy some extra spirit to numb all this boredom,
and i kick myself while i'm down again!

righteous voices drown me out.
i'm full of dirty thoughts.
i have no fight left so just knock me out.
smother what remains of the fire inside;
turn a blind eye to my pathetic cries.
does anyone have some matches?
i could use the heat!

why do i pick men that walk through me like i'm a window,
and i cry when they leave?
baffle me again and again,
oh this heart of mine plays me for the fool all the time;
acting like i got feelings to spare and no cares.

falling fears surround me.
the dirt hurts.
i'll never be clean again.
i call out for help to silence;
once again i'm underwhelmed by artistic license.
i sink deeper into the nothingness!
does anyone have some pie?
i'd like to have one more slice before i die.

Unasked

are you a dream?
i try to hold you but you always disappear.
are you a drug?
the more i get from you the more i want from you.
are you real?
you're too perfect to exist.

this game we're playing leaves me confused.
you won't give me the rules.
i'm chasing your shadow on a cloudy day, but when you smile all my doubts melt away.
i deserve more.

are you for me?
i have no idea what you want from me.
are you missing me?
you say you think about me sometimes, but is it as much as i think about you.
are you going to stay?
i'm scared you'll take my heart and run away.

this one sided dialogue is starting to loop.
i'm doing as i'm told, but i'd rather have you to hold.
i'm trying to savor our moments, but they pass too quickly.
i deserve you!

are you playing with me?
i'm feeling vunerable to you, but you come across so cold.
are you going to hurt me?
i've placed my trust into your hands, but i worry you don't care.
are you falling in love with me?
i know men and women don't fall in the same ways.

i am falling helplessly in love with you.
all these questions swirl unasked and unanswered in my mind.
i think about you all the time.
i dream about you every night.
you have all the answers, but i'm afraid to ask.
what if your answers aren't what i want to hear?
i wonder if you'll ever leave her.
i kick start your heart, but she's familiar to you.

are we going to explode or fall apart?
this won't end well.
are we both going to hell?
my happy ending will be a nightmare.
are you ready to risk it all for me?
that means you will lose her and then i might lose you.

i'm ready to put it all on the line for you, are you going to do the same for me?

A You Free World

you're picking me apart again
my esteem isn't your concern
your love isn't something you want to give to me
losing you could be the best thing to ever happen to me
no more obnoxious curse filled rants
welcome to a new and improved you free world!

questions don't always need to be answered
the universe is full of unlimited possibilities
i need to explore other realms
time may run out on me, but i'll die if i stay where i'm at

the catalyst was your accusations
they outed my doubts into the light
unicorns aren't real and neither is your heart
i released my remaining feelings for you into the air
i already feel 200% better
God doesn't need to be bothered for moments like this
i expect you to never speak to me again

life is a bore when you remain neutral
obvioulsy, i am not taking your side
vex me if it makes you feel better
i'm excited to now be living in a you free world!

When I'm Not!

if you ask you shall receive,
but i don't know the question i need to ask.
if you seek you shall find,
but i don't know what i'm looking for.
there's only confusion here.

God promises love and eternal life,
sounds like Heaven to me,
but fear whispers you'll never get there.
if this is all there is,
i worry that i'll never be blessed.

my nerves communicate to my brain
that my body is in a lot of pain.
i need to be part of God's salvation.
i fall every day into self-abusive ways.
i just want God to love me,
but it never seems to be enough for me.

if i'm a better servant for the Lord,
he will shine His grace upon me.
i don't know what to do
to find a piece of peace within me.

i run from what i can't comprehend.
i know prayer alone can't save me.
i need action to bring His love to me.
my heart needs to surrender
and let the Holy Ghost come home.

if believing wre enough,
i'd be golden.
if God were easy,
then Jesus' sacrifice wouldn't have been necessary.
i acknowledge there is greed in my heart.
i've tried to rise above the pettiness,
but i succumb to the basic temptations.

i am a child of God,
even when i think i'm not!

Fear Floats

i fill up on excuses.
my heart contracts.
the piano melody dances.
all the pieces never fit.
i wrote down the lies.
my breathe lingers.
the dryer vibrates.
all my questions unanswered.

fear floats and spreads like disease.
i held you as tight at i could,
but you slipped through me.
i wanted to be your last stop on a long train of pain.

i tabulate the denials.
my ears heard.
the tv colors flash.
all the problems unsolved.
i dine on the promises.
my stomach churns.
the darkness blankets me.
all my hopes unfulfilled.

doubt sinks and drowns dreams.
i gave you every part of me,
but you returned my gifts unopened.
i thought i'd be the last one you'd need to love.

The Mystery

I bring you up to heaven with my touch.
I can take you down to hell with one word.
I leave you wondering why.
You go through cards and letters trying to solve
the mystery i left behind.
you read my emails searching for answer i refused to give to you.
i don't have to tell you why.
not this time.

it hurts so much and it says so.
little i give you to ease the pain.
i leave you baffled, full of questions.
it bothers you all the time.
you can't get me off your mind.
the unanswered questions naw away at you.
in phone calls you beg me for release,
but i won't every tell you why.
not this time.

i left the dots behind.
you have to connect them on your own.
i won't tell you why, no, i won't.
you go ahead and cry.
too often i led you where you wanted to go.
but now you got to get there on your own.
i won't tell you why.
not this time.

The Same Old Questions

What do I need?
A question i can't answer.
More money? Less weight?
More happiness? Less expenses?

What do I want?
The answer changes daily.
A lover and a friend? A new car?
A foot rub? A new book to read?

What do I think?
Not enough to bother to answer.
World peace will never be. Is this a bite or a zit?
Will I have a job tomorrow? Can the dog understand me?

What do I dream?
The answers are always the same.
Winning the lottery. Sex with Orlando Bloom.
Having more babies. Being on the Price is Right.

What do I feel?
The answer is confusing.
Calm. Sad.
Content, yet depressed.

What do I change?
The answer is everything.
My weight. My attitude.
My hair color. My outlook.

The question never change and neither do I.