Silent

i don't know where to start
and i have no idea how to end it
this is wrong no matter how you spin it
the words come and go but none capture the moment
i'm silent

my ears heard you say it
i saw the expression on your face
you were serious and full of intentions
i'm not sure if they were good or bad
which direction you are heading is a mystery
you're waiting for my response
i'm silent

normally, i can fire off a quick quip
brush off your shots easily
dodge your bullets like a pro
whenever you try to get under my skin
i deflect you again and again
but this was unexpected
its not like you to cut so deep to hurt me
your cheshire like grin leaves me Silent

did you read a self help book
or join an online relationship forum
the other day you mentioned being at your wits end
i didn't pay attention to it
i never do when you say stupid things like that
i love you isn't that enough for you
now we are staring at each other
you're holding your breath now
we are now both Silent

i think you broke us
i don't know what to do or say
i let the Silence stay
i grab my coat
i go out the door
and i walk away

I Don't Mind the Quiet

I don't mind the quiet.
There's enough noise in my head.
When all is chaos the quiet is my friend.
I try to sort through all my thoughts and find the ones I've forgot.

I don't mind the quiet.
It brought me this song.
A soft reminder of my gentle soul.
I enjoy the moments of soundless bliss.
The comfort of quiet is refreshing after the busy of the day.

I don't mind the quiet.
I spent the last hour staring at the rain hitting the window.
I don't know where it all goes.
I think more when I can't hear you.

I don't mind the quiet.
I do get lonely sometimes and bored.
But after some time in silence I feel better.
I think the quiet washes me clean and prepares me for another day.

I don't mind the quiet.
Sometimes I do nothing at all.
No thoughts, no sorrows, no pain just quiet and calm.
This world spins so fast and the quiet never lasts.

I don't mind the quiet.
I miss it when I don't get it.
I need these tranquil moments to listen to my heart.
I know the quiet is a friend that never overstays its welcome.

I don't mind the quiet.
I wish I could have more, but life is loud, it wants to be heard.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
The quiet will leave me soon enough, but now I relish it!

Silence, Do You Some Good?!

silence is more precious then gold.
leave the sound out of your mind.
focus on what you're feeling.
breathe slow and deep to relax.
can you reach a peaceful place yet?

close your eyes to block out the world.
hold yourself for comfort.
your the only one that's always there for you.
focus on every tactile brush of your hand.
come and find what sets you free.

do you need a pill to see?
are you addicted to the numbness?
let the anger flow out of you.
let the creativity take control of you.
reclaim your soul.

my dreams are full of darkness.
i ca't forget the pain.
i'm unable to focus my thoughts.
purgatory is living;
hell is ignoring you're alive.

freedom is relative;
i've built a hell hole.
my hidden self trapped.
focus on the light.
move toward the sunshine;
one step at a time.

i see.
i feel.
the numbness has begun to fade,
but here comes the pain!

Far Flung Angel

tossed aside like a worn out rag doll,
i wanted you to kiss away my tears.
all my life i danced to the tune of my fears.
i see the end of the road and i'm not liking it!
the collision is destined and i have to live with that.

God threw me out into the world;
blonde and grey eyed, daddy's little angel;
one mistake followed by another,
it all adds up to me being a nervous wreck.
i pray to God for some relief,
but this far flung angel is out of His reach!

tell me the truth, i know it'll hurt.
i've sugar coated my faults and now no one recognizes me including me.
i wrote it all down in an emergency suicide note,
but i'll never kill myself,
but one day i'll destroy myself.

little girls are supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice,
but i'm just crazy with rotten habits i can't break.
mommy's little angel lives life to the hilt.
my halo's broken and my wings are torn.
God has forgotten this far flung angel He used to adore.

i wish upon a planet.
my wishes are too big for the stars.
i want silence inside my head and peace within my heart.
i don't know where to start.
i saw the world in black and white,
but now i'm so far out i can't find the light.

dear God,
i'm off course.
i've flung myself upon the mercy of sin
and you can see what bad shape i am in.
please forgive this far flung angel and let me back in!

Death of My Social Self or Sad Song

one more sad song plays on to pacify my lonely heart.
there's nothing new, but plenty of the same old shit here.
the house needs cleaned, but i have no energy.
i sit on the couch and pout about your lack of affection.
i haven't spoken to anyone all day, but in the silence i only find pain.

the urge to pick up the phone to call you is overwhelming.
i don't want you to know how desparate i am to hold you.
these moments of sanity are few and far between.
i realize your life is easier without me.
that makes me sad, but i have no tears to cry for you.

the dark is coming sooner now; it's time to fall back.
the light excludes the parts of me i spend the most time with.
i'm working more, eating less, and cursing the day i met you.
no more nonsense when you come around.
i will untie my tongue and tell you how i feel.

"i" is so selfish, i'm obsessed with myself.
how do i feel, what do i want, where do i belong?
i've lost the ability to empathize with others.
i've drowned in my lonliness.
this death of my social self may be permanent.
no more promises will come out of my mouth!
i will do this all on my own.

i can't stop writing because there is no more paper.
i can't quit thinking because no one cares what i think.
i have opinions even though no one wants to hear them.
i don't need a room full of people to pity me.
the voices in my head and i will have each other.
there will always be a sad song for us to sang along to!

Cold Soul

who let the cold in?
it's getting late.
i reach for the silence before it escapes.
i pull the blankets up over my head.
i lie there holding my breathe
pretending i'm hiding from death.

a knock at my door at a quarter to four,
i won't let you in next time.
i am happy to see you but sad when you go.
my house will never be your home.

you bring me my old insecurities.
i'm trying to improve myself.
i can't move forward when you hold me back.
i'm like a sponge,
i absorb whatever i surround myself with,
so i need to hear and see what is good.

why is this so hard?
i struggle for the words.
i will always have love for you,
but i can't see you anymore.
when i'm with you i forget to be true.
i do so many things i regret later,
and when you go i reek of shame
and i am stained with guilt for weeks.

i can't keep resetting myself every time you come by.
i should have never let you stay,
but i only have myself to blame,
for letting your cold soul in.

Whirlwind

throw away the trash, feed the dog
calm the thoughts racing through my head
put away the dishes, take my medicine
tell myself this is part of the plan
pay the bills, fold the laundry
suppress the heavy sighs and bored yawns
this is the glamorous life you left me

run the vacuum, sweep the floor
hope there's another chance outside my door
clip the coupons, go to the store
i thought there would be more
clean out the garage, walk the dog
your leaving me caught me off guard
the legacy of us fits into one trash bin

clean the toilets, change the sheets
i didn't know you had gotten cold feet
cancel the credit cards, forward the mail
the house echoes silence in your absence
take a shower, change my clothes
everything is moving in slow motion
the whirlwind sucked us in and destoyed us

burn the scrapbook, wipe away my tears
i've lingered too long on my fears
write down the pain, drink some more wine
i'm giving myself one last night to be contrite
glue my heart back together, put away my misery
i'm accepting your final exit and moving on
i'm checking getting over you off my to do list!

The Frequency of Silence

i run behind on everything.
when i know the end is near,
i can count the frequency of silence on both hands.

akward moments of quiet.
stares fixated on the floor.
feet shuffling towards the door.
the beating of my heart fills my ears.
i'm in tune with the frequency of silence.

hushed tones when i walk in.
people trying to look busy.
their eyes avert mine.
the sound of my breath on the air.
i know the frequency of silence well.

i missed a class on how not to be an ass.
i can remember every faux pas
that resulted in no sounds.
i'm well aquainted with the frequency of silence.