My Exorcism

cast out the demons with holy water
leave the blood dripping from my eyes
bury me alive
catch my killer
i saw her in the reflection of the butcher knife
she looked just like me except for her eyes
her eyes were wild and crazy
she's bitter and hurt
she stabbed me almost 100 times right through my heart
until she collapsed from exhaustion

life was supposed to be a party full of presents, cake, and laughter
what i got never crossed my mind, but here it is
my misery colors my eyes midnight blue
i'll sneak out to the back so y'all can get on with my exorcism

throw me to the sharks one piece at a time
the blood smells like burnt flesh
as it dries on my hands i begin to understand
i'll never be safe from myself
one day i'll successfully kill me
only i could cut right through my own heart with one sure stroke
i'm angry and hurt
i want to pull apart my two sides
let the good happy side of me free
and bury the depressed angry me alive so i can hear her screams

life was supposed to be a party
but no on invited me
so i drink alone everyday
i'm not sleeping.
the blood shot eyes, the pill bottles everywhere,
i'm out back listening to y'all's happy chatter
wondering how long this attempted exorcism will last

Scheduled Twinkies

i can't clear my brain long enough to have a thought.
pain envelopes everything i got.
i'd swallow a river of pills to drown my diseased bod.

my life is divided into the happy and the pain.
i spend more time on the dark side of my brain.
scattered to the wind on impulses whim,
i have no control when i'm without him.

i'm staring down the barrel of misery.
wondering when life will blow up in my hands.
one hour i'm up and then six i'm down.
i'm biding my time until i crash and burn.

i'm torching pieces of my soul as i go.
tearing into my reasons like fresh twinkies,
i devour what's left of my control.
i line up all my happy thoughts along the wall,
i execute them one by one until they're gone.

i wish i could block off my emotions,
like blocks of time on my calendar.
i could schedule my breakdowns inbetween meetings.
i'd pick Monday's to be perky.
Tuesday's I could be moody.
Wednesday could be neutral ground.
Thursday's I can space out a bit.
Friday I'd be down with it.
Saturday's I'd be the toast of the town.
And Sunday I'd wrap up and hide in my tears.

My mind is controlled by a remote I don't have access to.
so I go around surprising everyone.
even i get exasperated by how my mood turns on a dime.
i try to selectively remember the good times,
but the bad ones are on an infinite loop.

my pain and my fear eclipse what joy i come by.
pain and love hurt me the same.
one i can avoid and the other never leaves.
i wanted more, but i could settle for one day of predictabilty.

Party

cast out the demons with holy fire; leave the blood dripping from my eyes; bury me alive. catch my killer. i saw her in the reflection of the butcher knife. she looked just like me except her eyes. her eyes were wild and angry. she's bitter and hurt. she stabbed me 100 times in the heart until she collapsed from exhaustion.

life was supposed to be a party full of presents, cake and laughter. what i got i never thought of but here it is. my misery colors me blue. i'll sneek out the back door so y'all can get back to the party.

throw me to the sharks one piece at a time. the blood smells like burnt flesh sticky as it dries on my hands, i begin to understand. i'll never be safe from myself. one day i'll successfully kill me. only i could cut right through my heart with one stroke. i'm angry and hurt. i want to rip myself in two. let the happy and good me bury the depressed angry me alive so i can hear her scream until she dies.

life was supposed to be a party. but no one invited me. so i drink alone out back in the dark. i don't sleep. my blood shot eyes are making the world blurry. the pill bottles scattered around me. i'm sitting here just listening to y'all's happy party.