New Directions

I'm your desire.
I stroke your inner fires.
I'm enthralled by your touch.
And you can't resist me.
We are going down the wrong way,
On a one way street.
This will end badly, it always does.
If I could be strong I'd walk away,
But you know my will power has atrophied.

He walked in and blew me away.
I stand here in shocked disbelief.
The years I spent hiding away you just
ripped right through all my paper thin exuses.
Now I'm exposed for the fearful neurotic mess I've become.

I'm turning down paths unknown.
I'm steering my own destiny instead of sitting in the backseat of my life.
Time never stops and I have to embrace the now.
I don't want to waste what I preceive as my last chance to dance with happiness.
If I was logical about this I'd run away, but I know I've been swept away by your kisses.

He says words that speak to my soul.
I sit here amazed by him.
The hours I've spent talking to him have shown me more truth then a 1,000 sins.
Now I'm feeling emotions I hadn't felt since I was a kid.

The map has changed my course.
I was heading south, but my heart has turned west towards you.
This new direction to you is beautiful to me.
You're breaking me down to help me find out who I am.
You are becoming my true north.
No lies.
No secrets.
No promises we can't keep.

He is setting me free.
And I want to be the woman he see somewhere inside of me.
I want to never leave his gaze.
I will strip down before him and stand tall.
Letting him prove to me how beautiful I am to him.

He walked in and blew me away.

Be with You

Bring me closer to heaven.
Reach beyond all my defenses.
Exceed all my expectations.
Tell me what pleasures you in the dark.

You reintroduced me to ecstasy.
Your enthusiasm for my touch
Keeps me coming back for more.
I don't know where this is going,
And for once I don't care.
As long as I get to be with you.

Believe me when I say I need you.
Respond to me when I kiss you.
Elavate me up above the clouds.
Taste me deep inside.

You awakened my dorment desires.
Your tongue against my flesh drives me wild.
Caresses and kisses are never enough.
I don't know if this will last,
And for once I don't care.
As long as I get to be with you.

Irony

oh, what am I going to do?
i am falling in love with you.
my stomach is knotting up.
my head is spinning from
all these thoughts of you;
but it's complicated.
i know you don't feel the same.
i'm your friend.
oh, what am I going to do?

you are perfect for me.
it's unfortunate you love her
and you aren't in love with me.
our conversations are the highlight of my day.
the friend in me wants you to be happy
with whomever that might be,
but my heart is selfish and wants you
all to myself.

i tell you i hope it works
between the 2 of you,
but my heart screams
please let her dump him!
i feel bad but good when he says
he's afraid it's over with her.
my smile is fixed.
my supportive words rehearsed.
i'll be a good friend,
just to keep hearing your voice.

oh, what am i going to do?
i am falling in love with you.
please screw it up somehow,
please let me find a fatal flaw.
please let me be turned off by him,
instead i want to ravage him.
if there's any balance or sense
of fairness in the universe
let him fall in love with me.
oh, what am i going to do

On the Way

He's on the way.
The stage is set.
I am prepped,
Ready and willing to
welcome him on my set.

Anticipation building,
Anxiety turning my stomach,
Butterflies circling,
Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.

He's on the way.
I can't wait
to hold him in my arms.
To kiss his lips.
To feel his touch.

Excitement doesn't cover it.
I feel like i'm floating.
I want time to speed up.
Breathe, Breathe, Breathe.

i have nothing

i have nothing to say to you.
i have nothing to give you.
i have nothing to fear.
i have nothing i want from you.

be subtle, yet be true,
all of what we are rests inside of you.
i look within myself to fullfill
the needs i once expected from you.

i have nothing but happy thoughts of you.
i have nothing but good wishes for you.
i have nothing but open arms for you.
i have nothing you would want.

be gentle, yet be honest,
all of the chaos has past us now.
i have set aside the hurt
the anger i once had for you is gone.

i have nothing but forgivness in my heart for us.

Loser

do you think i'm a loser,
cuz i can't give you everything?
do you think i'm defective,
cuz i can't satisfy all of your needs?

you got me dancin' to your tune.
you keep pullin' on my strings.
my world revolves around you.
i hold my breath every time you breathe.

chargin' up for our next encounter,
readin' up on your horoscope,
got all your bases covered.
gonna impress you with how deep my feelings go.
gonna show you how much i know.
ain't ever gonna let you go.

veritgo, spinnin', never get a grip.
i ain't ever winnin' this battle we in.
you love me then you don't.
you want me then you don't.
how am i supposed to know if it's an up day or a downer?

you got me hangin' on your every word.
you go me followin' your every move.
my life is built all around you.
my heart only beats cuz you breathe.

do you think i'm a loser,
cuz i can't buy you pretty things?
do you think i'm defective,
cuz i can't fulfill your dreams?

Hubris

am i so evolved as to be beyond pride
or is it a sin to want to be free of sin?
i am stumbling through my life.
i fall repeatedly for the same lover.
only his face and name keep changing.
i scratch beyond his facade;
and every time it's the same foundation
i've built my heart upon.

i'm conceited to think that you think i'm beautiful.
i'm overshooting my target and
landing in a mess that i've cleaned up before.
whenever i fill up on hubris,
i come tumbling back down to earth.

i have bruises still blacker then blue
showing on my soul.
i've been licking these wounds for quite awhile.
i've retreated behind the door of my straw house.
you're taking a deep breath;
i know one touch from you can blow me down.

i'm arrogant to think that you think you can't live without me.
i've gone down this road before enough to know
that's it's full of unexpected twist and turns.
whenever i puff up with hubris,
i come crashing back down to earth.

i'd be stupider then i already am to let
myself fall in love with you.
but temptation strikes every time you smile at me.
and i feel the wind leaving my independent sails.
this lonliness is trumping my pride;
i want to reach out and hold you until i die.

Self-Inflicted

my heartbreaks are self-inflicted.
i fall in love with the impossible.
i comply to appease,
then i supress contrary emotions.
until i erupt, like an emotionally
charged cussing volcano.

people think i'm happy this way.
i've just been burned one too many times.
i don't want to hurt anyone,
and i don't want to get hurt anymore.
so, i put myself in isolation.
my lonliness is self-inflicted
to protect myself from pain.

you'd think these realizations
would enable me to be a better person.
but my misery is self-inflicted.
logically, it all makes sense,
but the angsty teen in me refuses to believe
that love can end happily.

just once i'd like to break away
from my self-inflicted sadness.
and punish myself with some happiness.
but fear keeps a strict house
and i am her willing prisoner.
to be alone is to be calm.
to be calm is to find peace.
i need the peace to keep the pieces of
my shattered heart together.