Chills Down Their Spines

i've finally achieved the impossible, i've become invisible.
it seems only my dad and daughter can see me.
everyone else looks right through me.
my existence forgotten, my image lost, i am no one!

i'd pray to God if i thought it'd help.
i'd lose more weight if i thought it'd make a difference.
i can alter my external appearance a million ways,
but i'd still be imperfect.

i want to bend until i break.
i want to surrender and be killed by friendly fire.
i'd love to be lovable, but i'm not.
i'd like to be popular, but i won't.
you realize early on some things never change.

i'm in love with wanting to be in love.
the concept is a wonderful sweeping and grand gesture.
reality is a harsher and much closer friend.
the truth depends on who you talk to.
there's not a single formula to create the person in your dreams.

i think in milliseconds that i'm a terrible person.
these negative affirmations never end.
i'll have them dance on my grave before i'm even dead.
the show could go on forever.
if only i could reach deeply into my mind to find the moment where my happiness died,
i might be able to revive it.

my misconceptions have outgrown me now.
every one can see i'm broken somehow.
i'm ignored by all.
people don't want to see me, because it's painful.
the thought of me sends chills down their spines,
because we all know there's a little bit of me in them.

Break Me

it's just another song
another destiny unfullfilled
i'm the one left behind
i keep searching but time is coming after me
i'll end up in the ground with all my dreams still floating around

my heart is beating
my mind is thinking
but i'm circling the wheel
never further in this cycle then before
my passage blocked by invisible fears
i'm not clever enough to break free
i want to break me

it's nothing new
it's everywhere
my orginality is a figment of my imagination
i am what you see
it's a joke to think i'd be more
i gather these doubts like flowers
and arrange them to seem less
but there's alway more to be found

my heart is dying
my mind is lying
but i move as if nothing is wrong
i'm always keeping fantasy between me and the brickwall
i'll crash and burn someday
but let me have this moment of denial
because i think i can break free
i think i can break me

break me down to the beginning
collapse my illusions
let me find my inner friend
break me so i know how to heal
break me so i cry until it no longer hurts
break me until i'm free
let me break free of all these memories haunting me

Crumbs

crumbs on my sweater make me laugh.
age hasn't made me any neater.
i'm clumsy and weak.
you'd never believe all of my stories.
the times i have just fallen over
or the black eye i got from a carton of ice cream.

i'm packing up my emotional baggage
it's going on vacation.
somewhere nice, so it can relax.
it's been burned out for a long time.
i'm gonna miss it, but not the bitterness that went with it.

crumbs on the desk make me smile.
i'm always making a mess.
i'm content and fat.
you'd never guess i'm germ-a-phobic.
the way i avoid public restrooms
and won't eat at a buffet.

i'm discarding my mental defects.
they're going to retire.
somewhere far away from here,
so they can't come back to haunt me.
i'm not gonna worry about them anymore.

crumbs all over the place.
it's just who i am.
so much more then how i eat.
i need to give myself a break.
i need to leave crumbs,
so i can always find my way back.