Ohio Cold

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.
if i were better behaved would you come back to stay?
it's dark by 6pm.
the single digit temperatures chase away all the warmth i have.
baby, please come home.
you're all i have to hold in this ohio cold.

these nights are wearing me down.
my heart is frozen solid and one more hurtful word from you
my heart will surely shatter;
as things do in this ohio cold.

am i not good enough for you?
you've forgotten me again, haven't you?
why do you run away from me and leave me to cry in this ohio cold?
i'm so tired and my bones ache.
i can't think clearly and you're so calm.
you aren't here suffering with me in this ohio cold.

i can't stay another day alone in this ohio cold.

Chills Down Their Spines

i've finally achieved the impossible, i've become invisible.
it seems only my dad and daughter can see me.
everyone else looks right through me.
my existence forgotten, my image lost, i am no one!

i'd pray to God if i thought it'd help.
i'd lose more weight if i thought it'd make a difference.
i can alter my external appearance a million ways,
but i'd still be imperfect.

i want to bend until i break.
i want to surrender and be killed by friendly fire.
i'd love to be lovable, but i'm not.
i'd like to be popular, but i won't.
you realize early on some things never change.

i'm in love with wanting to be in love.
the concept is a wonderful sweeping and grand gesture.
reality is a harsher and much closer friend.
the truth depends on who you talk to.
there's not a single formula to create the person in your dreams.

i think in milliseconds that i'm a terrible person.
these negative affirmations never end.
i'll have them dance on my grave before i'm even dead.
the show could go on forever.
if only i could reach deeply into my mind to find the moment where my happiness died,
i might be able to revive it.

my misconceptions have outgrown me now.
every one can see i'm broken somehow.
i'm ignored by all.
people don't want to see me, because it's painful.
the thought of me sends chills down their spines,
because we all know there's a little bit of me in them.

It Doesn't Matter

it doesn't matter what age you are when you lose your mother
it doesn't matter if she walks out or if death takes her away
the pain is the same, it lingers and remains

it doesn't matter the memories you have, they'll eventually fade
it doesn't matter how many tears you cry or how much you miss her
she won't be back, it hurts and causes emotional cracks

if i could i would wrap up every memory i have to keep it safe from time's erasing touch
if i had a time machine i'd go back and record every moment so i'd never forget the sound of her voice
if i had one wish it would be to have one more minute to tell her i love her one last time

it doesn't matter now it's been so long and my mind is losing her
it doesn't matter what i want, i can't stop the pain
i can't ease the desire to talk to her one more time, it's a fact and i'll be fine

it doesn't matter that no one can say why we feel this way
it doesn't matter if you understand where i'm coming from
life is never the same, i feel abandoned and lost

if i would've known it was your last day i wouldn't have left the hospital
if i knew that would be your last words to me i'd listened more
if i had been there i'd never let go of her hand when God came for her unexpectedly

it doesn't matter what's done is done
it doesn't matter i'm getting older and my daughter has forgotten her
it doesn't matter that i don't want to let her go

oh, God, why take her from me
oh, God, i miss her more with each passing day

i know the only thing that matters is she's inside of me and my daughter
she's forever mixed into our DNA
when i look into the mirror i reach out and touch her
every year our differences disappear.
it's her love that she gave me that keeps me going and
that is the only thing that matters.

Casey

your lies became your truth
evil and good became one
you could no longer tell right from wrong
your moral compass spins with no direction
i can understand that

honesty isn't in your vocabulary
all your friends are imaginary
your fantasy world is all you knew
you never cared for anyone but you
i have been there too

the lines were drawn in the sand
no one knows what happened
you aren't the type to give answers
you zig and zag to avoid reality
it is fear that drives you

you forgot about her
you buried her underneath a carefree exterior
she will haunt your dreams
one day you'll have to face her and God
i expect you will cry then too

karma will catch up to you
babies are the purest of souls
all the bad decisions will be judged
God sees through all lies
will you do good now
and will it be enough to pay what is due

What I Need

i cry alone in the darkness of my home.
i feel invisible and forlorn.
i then hear a voice, soft and sweet,
it speaks to me, you are not invisible to me.
my child, i see you clearly.
every emotion you feel comes to me too.
do not think you are alone,
because my spirit is always with you.

i felt better that night.
i said a prayer of gratitude
for the love of God and his gentle reminder,of who i am.
my load is lightened.
i go about my life at peace,
until my heart gets broken again.

i sit in the darkness of my home.
i wonder if God has forgotten me.
why must i suffer this way?
then i hear the voice again,
soft but firm, i am reprimanded.
i have not forgotten you,
but you have forgotten me.
my child, when you are suffering
I hurt a thousand times more.
If you'd listen more often,
you'd understand, that this is what you need.

i am humbled and embarassed.
i say a prayer filld with my heartfelt repentance.
my troubles are lifted from me.
i am focused and at peace.
Thank you God for not giving up on me!

now i travel lightly through life.
i listen for his directions at every fork in the road.
i pray often every day for him to guide me.
when i get lost, his gentle voice corrects me.
He is a loving tolerant father,
admonishing his wayward child,
not with fury but with love.
i always find my way when i have faith God knows what i need.