Overworked!

my mind is racing.
my heart is chasing shadows again.
i search for meaning behind the words i am reading,
but i am lost.

i am spending too many hours working for my paycheck
and not enough towards saving my soul.
my 5th straight week with nearly 60 hours worked.
i've forgotten where work ends and my life is supposed to begin.

there's no relief in sight for this overtime
and the worst part is i'm salary.
so the more i work, the more my hourly rate drops.

i'm so tired.
last night i even worked in my sleep.
i don't know how much longer i can keep this pace.
my butt and lower back have constant cramps.

i work at work.
i work at home.
i even answer emails when i'm on the road.

i'm burning this tight rope from both ends.
i have no safety net to break my fall.
i've use the past 20 minutes to walk around and stretch.
the day started at 6am and it shows no sign of ending.

this is just the beginning.
the busy season begins in september.
i have until the end of august to get all my systems in a row.
then we dig into our backlog of work.
my vacation will be working ones.

this has to be why 1 out of 4 americans are depressed.
i'm overworked and stressed.
i have sharp pains in my chest.
i'm thankful for the job, but work knows it.
it's still hard to find work.

the economy is not as recovered as dc hoped.
so i think i will find a way to cope.
most of my coping skills are destructive.
i need to learn some new tricks.

my 20 minutes are up.
it's back to the keyboard.
bck to work.
am i wicked?
cuz i hear there's no rest for the wicked!

Inequity

i carry a life full of inequity upon my shoulders.
i feel persecuted and alone in my troubles.
there are rumors amongst those i know.
the lies spread and grow beyond who i am.
the blatant manipulations of a few take their dark toll upon my precious soul.

every step i take i try to break free from the fear mongers whispering to me.
i am haunted by the time i lost locked up inside too afraid to move.
i hurt myself to know i still feel.
the blame rests with me for these sins.

one day death will seek me out.
every atom i am will turn to ash.
if i say a prayer for Jesus to be my savior,
will all my twisted thoughts disappear?
Do all my wounds heal?
i am covered in self-inflicted scars.
i bathe five times a day trying to wash away the stench of my fears.

i can't look myself in the eye in the mirror.
if God hears every one of my thoughts, does he cry like i do?
my morals are compromised.
my goodness rots on the vine;
never harvested and never applied.

i am told of a man in the bible named Job.
he suffered more then any human being has ever suffered.
his faith never waivered.
he was strong in his love of God.
i want to be more like Job, but i am weak.
i long for a stonger hand to hold mine to help me choose what's right.

i've given away all the good pieces of me.
i carry my mistakes like a cross upon my shoulders.
i have reaped what i have sown.
this life of fear is all i've ever known,
but i hope one day i will be free of all these burdens crushing me.

Chain Thinking

i get up out of bed. i hear a drum beating inside my head.
my stomach's upset. nothing found to settle it yet.
a million thoughts running through my head.
no peace inside. no calm or time to ponder.
it is what it is. no ability here. no skill set.
zero accomplished. no spell check. am i a minority yet?

faster doesn't make me better. hands shaking.
clothes dripping in sweat. i'm hoping you haven't noticed it.
this paradox i'm trapped against will be my death march.
corporate ladder or funeral procession, no difference to me.
just one more day to cross off of the calendar.

i'm frenzied on the inside. quiet and cold on the outside.
i can't let it unfold. i need to uphold my image.
smile and nod. ask a pertinent question.
do as i am told. give the right answers.
choice is null and void. i have to do this.

pull myself out of bed. get dressed.
suppress the urge to call in sick.
get in line. do the corporate grind.
my future is bleak as i live week to week.
another day with drums beating in my head.
out the door. on my way so i get paid.

more caffeine instead of booze.
i hate that i have to choose.
got a song in my ear. i want to sing along,
but i can't cuz i'm in the office with my headphones on.
won't make that mistake again!

the clock goes slow. slower then slow.
all i want is for 5 o'clock to arrive.
i want to go. i love it. nothing like it.
i tell myself every day. i say, yeah, baby,
you're living the american dream!!!
one day maybe i'll believe me~!