Wrestle the Devil

i keep waiting for something awesome to happen to me.
i'm lazy!
i need to pull my head out of my ass.
i'd rather dream my life away then work too hard.
i love to play!
i'd like to do that everyday, but i get bored.
i've forgotten i'm capable enough to learn new things.
my downward spiral into inactivity has hit rock bottom.
i have to dust off my inner sun and let it shine!

i can write so why can't i sing too?
i can walk so now it's time to run.
i can talk so now i should say something important.
i can love so now i should show someone.
i have all these skill being unused.
i'm taking a step back so i can move forward.

i'm done waiting for the world to take notice.
my attitude is shifting back into alignment.
i'm not going to worry about tomorrow.
today is the only day that matters.
every moment requires my attention.
i'll wrestle the devil out of these details
and i will conquer my inner demons!

Button

he should be angry but he's not.
i should've found a button to push by now, but i've not.
he's unpredictable and it's freaking me out.
he zigs when i zag.
he'd driving me mad!

desire flares my nostrils and dilates my pupils.
physically he provokes uncontrollable responses from me.
emotionally he confuses the fuck out of me.
i can't figure him out.
maybe he's playing me, but i got to find out.

he says one thing and does another.
i say i'm done, but i can't walk away.
he's never what i expect him to be.
he brings out every side of me.
he's always one step ahead of me!

happiness makes me smile and laugh.
cosmically he makes me feel alive again.
mentally we're acting like teenagers.
i'm unable to process all these emotions.
maybe it's time to run!

Love's Sunset

love leaves only victory etched upon the youthful follies the old love to remember.
the flame burns red hot like it does at the beginning of anything exciting and new,
but time brings differences and doubts.
the flame turns blue and cold to the touch until you notice the flame has gone out
and you don't love her anymore.

we move slowly like the snail when we don't want to change, but we know change is coming.
a tornado of broken promises, angry words, and thousands of tears rip lover's hearts apart.
go stand outside to watch the sun setting on your love.

she's picking apart every memory.
she wants to know the exact moment you fell out of love with her.
you have nothing to say as you pack your suitcase.
she automatically repacks all your things nice and neat.

life with her was perfect, familiar, and clean.
but with routine comes boredom and with boredom the yearning to stray to find entertainment elsewhere.
still, you will fondly think of her every time you put on your favorite t-shirt she bought you.
she's hoping you will miss her and come back,
but you both know you never look back.

we move like molasses in winter time when life throws us a curve ball.
you don't love her.
God knows you tried too.
you ignored the signs.
her eyes have filled up with tears.
your heart is full of fears.
you didn't want to hurt her, but you still are here.

the sun has set and you've run out of love to give her.
so you climb into your beloved yukon
and back out into the freedom of the unknown.
for some odd reason she waves goodbye.
a voice in your head whispers she'll be alright.

she waits until the car is out of sight.
she goes back inside and sits down.
finally she gives a huge sigh of relief
thank God i never had to tell him i didn't love him anymore.

Bugs

driving down this endless road,
my hand out the window,
trying to catch the wind.
the bugs sting my palm as their
guts stain my hand red.
i try to focus on the lights ahead,
but the darkness swallows them one by one.

i keep running.
i don't know why.
i'm not searching for anything,
because i know there's nothing to find.
i think as little as possible.
i'll stop running when my pain ends.
but i don't know when that'll be.

i keep my head down as the strangers walk past.
my eyes have secrets and
i keep my secrets to myself.
i'd seek forgiveness for my sins
if i thought my soul was worth it.

i keep running.
i never get tired of the path.
i circle around when i get to a dead end.
i know my running will never end.
i can't out run this pain i'm in.

if i dare to remember the pain rips me in half.
there's too many emotional bombs set to go off in my past.
relflection gets me nothing but misery.
i'm neck deep in fake sympathy.
no one understands, so i keep running.
until one day i pray my pain will end.