why do people sing about sparrows and lost loves
when i can only summon chocolate wrapped bacon dreams?
baffle me again and again,
oh this muse of mine huffs cheap cleaner behind the dollar general,
and i drop the ball again!
cascading doubts wash me out.
i've got dirt under my nails again.
i don't want to fuss or deal with the mess.
hide me in plain sight;
ignore my stupid plight.
does anyone have a chocolate bunny?
i could use a bite!
why do people drive around in circles everyday to go to a job
that barely pays when i want to run away and play?
baffle me again and again,
oh this soul of mine yearns to buy some extra spirit to numb all this boredom,
and i kick myself while i'm down again!
righteous voices drown me out.
i'm full of dirty thoughts.
i have no fight left so just knock me out.
smother what remains of the fire inside;
turn a blind eye to my pathetic cries.
does anyone have some matches?
i could use the heat!
why do i pick men that walk through me like i'm a window,
and i cry when they leave?
baffle me again and again,
oh this heart of mine plays me for the fool all the time;
acting like i got feelings to spare and no cares.
falling fears surround me.
the dirt hurts.
i'll never be clean again.
i call out for help to silence;
once again i'm underwhelmed by artistic license.
i sink deeper into the nothingness!
does anyone have some pie?
i'd like to have one more slice before i die.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
He's Never Far
he's never far; either in my thoughts or in these scars he carved into my heart.
he's never far; his smile or his hazel eyes are burned into every tear
and every twinkle of my eyes.
he's never far; his memory makes me feel and i miss him.
i miss the pain and i miss saying his name.
it's hard to be here.
he's so near but so far away.
his warmth is beyond my reach.
the reality brought us crashing down.
i feel the full weight its gravity upon my chest.
he's never far, but he's far enough away to not be mine anymore.
he's never far; either in my dreams or these words being shared with the world.
he's never far; his laugh or his caresses are casting a long shadow over me.
he's never far; time is slow to erase his mark. i miss it.
i miss him and i love it and i hate it.
it's hard to be here.
alone but haunted by the sweetest memories.
he's so near and he's so dear to me.
i feel by now i should have moved on.
he's never far, but he's oh so near!
he's never far; his smile or his hazel eyes are burned into every tear
and every twinkle of my eyes.
he's never far; his memory makes me feel and i miss him.
i miss the pain and i miss saying his name.
it's hard to be here.
he's so near but so far away.
his warmth is beyond my reach.
the reality brought us crashing down.
i feel the full weight its gravity upon my chest.
he's never far, but he's far enough away to not be mine anymore.
he's never far; either in my dreams or these words being shared with the world.
he's never far; his laugh or his caresses are casting a long shadow over me.
he's never far; time is slow to erase his mark. i miss it.
i miss him and i love it and i hate it.
it's hard to be here.
alone but haunted by the sweetest memories.
he's so near and he's so dear to me.
i feel by now i should have moved on.
he's never far, but he's oh so near!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Sickness and I
sickness and i are the oldest of friends.
i remember cold novembers' wracked with coughs and sweating from a fever's heat.
you'd think i'd be used to the familiar touch of disease but i forget.
the older i get the harder it gets to get over its affects.
bronchitis, sinus, flu, colds, allergies, and pneumonia revolve and evolve through me,
into me, around me, until i begin to wonder if death's the only hope i have left.
i try new doctors, new pills, new cure alls, but all i find is the same misery that leaves me dead inside.
the error is in my dna. my bad code has made me this way.
why bother to try when i'm doomed.
i dance around the truth holding one ailment close at a time.
miracles and prayers aren't here to be found, if Jesus saves he doesn't save me.
God used to speak to me when i was young.
i'd lay on a couch in the dark saying my childish prayers and crossing my heart.
my mother tucked me in too tight to move.
all the doctors told her i'd outgrow it all one day,
but after 40 years i grow doubtful that day will every come.
every time i leave the house new germs hitch a ride home with me.
sickness never leaves me alone.
i can count on it to visit when it pleases.
i'm well enough to forget how much it hurt, so it reminds me again how it rules me.
i should burn myself and all i own, but i'm sure the sickness would return.
yes, sickness and i are the oldest of friends!
i remember cold novembers' wracked with coughs and sweating from a fever's heat.
you'd think i'd be used to the familiar touch of disease but i forget.
the older i get the harder it gets to get over its affects.
bronchitis, sinus, flu, colds, allergies, and pneumonia revolve and evolve through me,
into me, around me, until i begin to wonder if death's the only hope i have left.
i try new doctors, new pills, new cure alls, but all i find is the same misery that leaves me dead inside.
the error is in my dna. my bad code has made me this way.
why bother to try when i'm doomed.
i dance around the truth holding one ailment close at a time.
miracles and prayers aren't here to be found, if Jesus saves he doesn't save me.
God used to speak to me when i was young.
i'd lay on a couch in the dark saying my childish prayers and crossing my heart.
my mother tucked me in too tight to move.
all the doctors told her i'd outgrow it all one day,
but after 40 years i grow doubtful that day will every come.
every time i leave the house new germs hitch a ride home with me.
sickness never leaves me alone.
i can count on it to visit when it pleases.
i'm well enough to forget how much it hurt, so it reminds me again how it rules me.
i should burn myself and all i own, but i'm sure the sickness would return.
yes, sickness and i are the oldest of friends!
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Not Another Thought
i don't want to think about it, the end of you,
hush now, not another thought about you dying will ever cross my mind.
you got to carry on, you got to be the one that's strong.
you've carried me all my life, you can't give up, i'm not done needing your hand to hold on to.
i don't want to talk about it, the day you day,
hush now, not another word about your funeral will cross my lips.
you got to pull yourself together, you got to find a way to hold on.
you've been my rock all my life, you can't go, i'm not done needing your should to cry on.
i don't want to hear about it, the sad news of your passing one day,
hush now, not another syllable about your final wishes will be heard.
you got to stay positive, you are everything to me.
you've been the one to save me all my life, you got to be here, i'm not done needing you to rescue me on your white horse.
i don't want to think about it, the sad day you die,
hush now, not another thought about your death will cross my mind.
you will carry on, you will be strong.
you have to let me die first, because without you i'm lost.
hush now, not another thought about you dying will ever cross my mind.
you got to carry on, you got to be the one that's strong.
you've carried me all my life, you can't give up, i'm not done needing your hand to hold on to.
i don't want to talk about it, the day you day,
hush now, not another word about your funeral will cross my lips.
you got to pull yourself together, you got to find a way to hold on.
you've been my rock all my life, you can't go, i'm not done needing your should to cry on.
i don't want to hear about it, the sad news of your passing one day,
hush now, not another syllable about your final wishes will be heard.
you got to stay positive, you are everything to me.
you've been the one to save me all my life, you got to be here, i'm not done needing you to rescue me on your white horse.
i don't want to think about it, the sad day you die,
hush now, not another thought about your death will cross my mind.
you will carry on, you will be strong.
you have to let me die first, because without you i'm lost.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Heartache and Hope
my heart is beating slower then i'm breathing.
i don't know what i'm needing to fix my plight.
i'm full of dismay. i'm tripping over ghosts.
all i have left is heartache and hope.
my condition feels me with loneliness in a crowded room.
i want to run away to try to outrun my pain.
i'm burning down my own disease. i'm falling into it.
hope comes and goes but my heartache never moves.
my standard's slip and he got through those cracks.
i shouldn't complain because he didn't stick around to finish the kill.
i'm regretting letting myself believe love exists. faith can't assist.
heartache and hope aren't enough to keep me strong.
my weakness overtakes my sensibilities.
i'm a special kind of fool wrapped up in past discretions.
i would love to taste freedom. everywhere i am is a prison.
heartaches are here for the long haul and i hope i'm able to handle it all!
my environment surrounds me with examples of kindness.
i think i can but i know i won't ever love again.
i'm a closet dreamer who is desperate to believe. i'm too scared to unlock the door.
hope isn't in control; only the heartache knows me.
my disaster destroyed me down to my core.
i don't want to be here anymore.
i'm ready to forgive him but i'll never forgive myself.
is there ever enough hope when the heartache never ends?
i don't know what i'm needing to fix my plight.
i'm full of dismay. i'm tripping over ghosts.
all i have left is heartache and hope.
my condition feels me with loneliness in a crowded room.
i want to run away to try to outrun my pain.
i'm burning down my own disease. i'm falling into it.
hope comes and goes but my heartache never moves.
my standard's slip and he got through those cracks.
i shouldn't complain because he didn't stick around to finish the kill.
i'm regretting letting myself believe love exists. faith can't assist.
heartache and hope aren't enough to keep me strong.
my weakness overtakes my sensibilities.
i'm a special kind of fool wrapped up in past discretions.
i would love to taste freedom. everywhere i am is a prison.
heartaches are here for the long haul and i hope i'm able to handle it all!
my environment surrounds me with examples of kindness.
i think i can but i know i won't ever love again.
i'm a closet dreamer who is desperate to believe. i'm too scared to unlock the door.
hope isn't in control; only the heartache knows me.
my disaster destroyed me down to my core.
i don't want to be here anymore.
i'm ready to forgive him but i'll never forgive myself.
is there ever enough hope when the heartache never ends?
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