Verb

i lay in bed mesmerized by the ceiling again.
i close my eyes and i see light and dark.
the shadows chase me when i try to sleep.
i feel my face with my fingertips.
i press against the bone underneath my flesh.
i feel caged in and i want to dig my nails into my skin
and tear away what brings me pain.

the path is getting narrow.
the darkness is getting stronger.
i'm turning into a being of pure feeling.
my senses are reeling.
i don't know if it's the drugs leaving or the real me being.

this life of people, lies, and sex smells like shit.
i want to break my own neck.
when the sun hides, when the clouds conceal; that's when my mind comes alive.
i spin through a billion thoughts.
i'm devoured nerve by nerve.
the air is pushing down and in on me.
all i suffer is never enough.

sacrifice me at your will.
i'm breaking down.
i can't stay wrapped up in a bubble.
i think too damn much.
i am power; raw, sensual, sexual fire.
all the reality blurs as my world collapses with one word, verb!

Death of My Social Self or Sad Song

one more sad song plays on to pacify my lonely heart.
there's nothing new, but plenty of the same old shit here.
the house needs cleaned, but i have no energy.
i sit on the couch and pout about your lack of affection.
i haven't spoken to anyone all day, but in the silence i only find pain.

the urge to pick up the phone to call you is overwhelming.
i don't want you to know how desparate i am to hold you.
these moments of sanity are few and far between.
i realize your life is easier without me.
that makes me sad, but i have no tears to cry for you.

the dark is coming sooner now; it's time to fall back.
the light excludes the parts of me i spend the most time with.
i'm working more, eating less, and cursing the day i met you.
no more nonsense when you come around.
i will untie my tongue and tell you how i feel.

"i" is so selfish, i'm obsessed with myself.
how do i feel, what do i want, where do i belong?
i've lost the ability to empathize with others.
i've drowned in my lonliness.
this death of my social self may be permanent.
no more promises will come out of my mouth!
i will do this all on my own.

i can't stop writing because there is no more paper.
i can't quit thinking because no one cares what i think.
i have opinions even though no one wants to hear them.
i don't need a room full of people to pity me.
the voices in my head and i will have each other.
there will always be a sad song for us to sang along to!