Verb

i lay in bed mesmerized by the ceiling again.
i close my eyes and i see light and dark.
the shadows chase me when i try to sleep.
i feel my face with my fingertips.
i press against the bone underneath my flesh.
i feel caged in and i want to dig my nails into my skin
and tear away what brings me pain.

the path is getting narrow.
the darkness is getting stronger.
i'm turning into a being of pure feeling.
my senses are reeling.
i don't know if it's the drugs leaving or the real me being.

this life of people, lies, and sex smells like shit.
i want to break my own neck.
when the sun hides, when the clouds conceal; that's when my mind comes alive.
i spin through a billion thoughts.
i'm devoured nerve by nerve.
the air is pushing down and in on me.
all i suffer is never enough.

sacrifice me at your will.
i'm breaking down.
i can't stay wrapped up in a bubble.
i think too damn much.
i am power; raw, sensual, sexual fire.
all the reality blurs as my world collapses with one word, verb!

For You

i'd run a marathon for you.
i'd give up crying for you.
for you i'd walk through fire.
tell me what you want me to do?
i'm no psychic.
i'm tied up in mental knots.
anything and everything is on the line.
just open your heart and say you're mine.

i've swallowed my pride.
i took my love and threw it to you on a line.
please give me a respite from my lonely nights.
hold up and stand down, just tell me you love me.

i'd lose 50 pounds for you.
i'd give up lying for you.
for you i'd walk naked through town.
tell me what i can do for you?
i can't get the right answer from you.
play the cards straight up
anything and everything is on the line.
just open you heart and say you're mine.

my heart is racing.
i've taken all my eggs and put them in your basket.
please hold me every night.
stop and see me, just say you love me.

Cursed

i'm going to surrender myself to your love.
the sacrifice i make is to lose my heart, but i hope i will be redeemed.
if you disagree all i'll have for company is misery.
i hate to suffer through another broken heart, so let yourself fall in love with me!

i've worked hard to find peace inside of me.
i want to give you everything, but i'm scared you don't feel the same.
it's enough to drive me insane.
life isn't worth living without taking risks and i'm all in for you!

i'm getting a strong sense of deja vu.
the pattern has begun to emerge.
you aren't on the same page as me,
i'm beginning to wonder if we are reading the same book.
you can't figure out where i'm coming from.
when did it become a crime to fall in love!

my stupidity knows no bounds.
i let my heart lead the charge and i've been executed.
you shake your head and wash your hands of me.
you refuse to take any responsibility.
you call me delusional and silly.
my heart shatters and my hopes scatter into the wind.

why is it always over before it even begins?
i get myself all wound up for nothing.
he let the air out of all my balloons.
why am i a toy for so many men?
i throw myself off the steepest cliff, but isn't that what love is?

i can't roll around in the mud of my regrets.
i'm stronger then the latest man to let me down.
i pack up my emotional baggage and put it on a shelf in my closet.
there's alway another one to love around the bend
and i don't ever hesitate jumping in.

i hate that lonliness has become my best friend.
i spend hours trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
i have multiple diagnosis, but no solutions.
love destroys me but i keep crawling back for more.
he was the latest in a long line of failures.
i find men easily, but i can't keep them around!

my heart and soul are bound to tragedy.
am i paying a price for some horrid past?
i never meant to break any hearts.
my tears have disappeared over the years.
i won't forget the words you said to me,
"you're too cold to ever keep a love alive"
i think you cursed me for good because i'm always alone.

Mary's Kiss

my heathen ways have stolen my wings.
God left me a note.
it told me to take a stand
and walk through the darkness into the sunshine.
the doubt burning inside of my mind went out.
i began to pull the weeds of sin that had overgrown my soul.
i found the less talking i did the more peaceful i became.

i was holding onto a rope that was not tied down.
i had an old rusty lock on my heart.
i used God's words like a gun to shoot the lock off
and open my heart back up to feel love.

i got my wings back on a hot summer's eve.
an angel dragged them back to me.
they were torn and held together with pieces of string,
but Mary kissed them so i could fly again.

i used to worry every week if i could survive one more day.
i leaned on the government's of man to do my thinking,
but i always found myself lost and forsaken.
i shifted my thoughts to pick up on heavenly council.
now i'm zipping along following God's compass.

my spiritual ways are erasing all of my pains.
God and I are walking amongst the flowers together.
my heart is light with joy
and my soul radiates from his blessings.
accepting Jesus' sacrifice was the only way to fix me.

Top of the World

I went to the top of the world. I looked around. Then I turned you down. How do I get ahead by sleeping around? No thank you. I’ve done been down that route. I got one path calling to me, it’s the one where I be myself. It’s rocky and I fall a lot. I get scraped and bruised and I learn a little bit at a time. But I keep climbing on it finding my own way back to the top of the world just being me.

Sacrifice unselfishly to do it my way. I can’t compromise this time. I look stupid from where you’re sitting. But the world’s mine for the first time it’s working for me. I can see a future clear as day. I got a plan it’s one day at a time. I do what needs to be done. Along the way I found someone. I was hiding behind your shadow afraid to bask in the sun. I’ll pass the flask of freedom on. I got enough to keep me strong. I’ll reach my goals just being me.

I’m free and wild. I’m confused and smiling. I’m looking towards the horizon hoping my dreams come true just being me. I don’t know who else I can be. I may not always like me but I know me and one day I’ll see it wasn’t all bad and it wasn’t all good but I got there doing things my way. What’s wrong with being me? I’m finally free. My façade is crashing down. It feels so good to let it all hang out. Pretending for you was wearing me out. I was forgetting my beliefs. I was losing my dreams. I am clawing my way back from the cliff. I see me, it’s been too long. You had me all wrong.

I’m the one that got lost. But now it’s better. I walked out on my own terms. I tore apart the chains you had me in. I will succeed or I will fail but I will do it just by being myself. All I can ever be is me.