Die Loving You

don't go... i need to hold onto something in the midst of all this nothing.
you're all i got saving me from insanity.
it's okay to take a stand.
we're down but not out.
don't you see... as long as i die loving you nothing else means a thing!

don't stop... spin me around in your arms all night long.
our love isn't wrong.
two people in tune is beautiful.
we aren't hurting anyone.
let the rest of the world hate.
i think as long as i die loving you they don't mean anything!

don't cry... their words are harsh but i'm your haven.
my door is always unlocked to you.
others drag you down so they don't feel blue,
but i know you're perfection and i'm blessed to have you.
i know as long as i die loving you our lives mattered!

don't hesitate... grab my hand and run in the snow.
we can fall.
we can get beaten.
we can let the world win, but let's be us and defy them all.
i hear different is the new cool.
and as long as i die loving you i won!

don't joke... i'm crazy about you.
i'll fight everyone to keep you.
they can call us names and devalue our feelings,
but we know our hearts.
we love more then they'll ever know.
i find their jealousy motivation to keep loving you until i die,
because i matter to you!

Better

tied to a butterfly's wings my anxiety flies away.
the wind and rain pound onto my heart in vain.
my strength waivers at times but i maintain i matter.
today i feel better!

happiness has never defined my life.
my personality teeters between crazy and crazier.
i give each man i love all i got but it ain't ever enough.
today i'll do better!

mood swings and personal demons take their toll.
i'm hard to like and harder to love.
the medication only destroys what makes me shine.
today i'll be better!

lonesome tears stain my cheeks.
life's sorrows overfill my cup.
on each horizon i see the road i should have been on.
today i'll choose better!

tomorrow brings unpredictable feelings.
i might be happy or i might be sad.
there's no way for me to make any kind of guarantee,
but today i was better!

Verb

i lay in bed mesmerized by the ceiling again.
i close my eyes and i see light and dark.
the shadows chase me when i try to sleep.
i feel my face with my fingertips.
i press against the bone underneath my flesh.
i feel caged in and i want to dig my nails into my skin
and tear away what brings me pain.

the path is getting narrow.
the darkness is getting stronger.
i'm turning into a being of pure feeling.
my senses are reeling.
i don't know if it's the drugs leaving or the real me being.

this life of people, lies, and sex smells like shit.
i want to break my own neck.
when the sun hides, when the clouds conceal; that's when my mind comes alive.
i spin through a billion thoughts.
i'm devoured nerve by nerve.
the air is pushing down and in on me.
all i suffer is never enough.

sacrifice me at your will.
i'm breaking down.
i can't stay wrapped up in a bubble.
i think too damn much.
i am power; raw, sensual, sexual fire.
all the reality blurs as my world collapses with one word, verb!

Mouth Full

isolation is salvation.
do i even need to speak today?
if you never say anything then no one can misunderstand you.

silence is golden and loose lips sinks ships.
you hurt my feelings and don't even flinch.
i wish you never spoke to me.

your words strip my soul and rape my feeling over and over.
you call yourself brutally honest.
i think you like being mean.

i'm tired of being the brunt of your jokes.
i'm sick of getting cut on your barbs.
that tongue of yours gives me goosebumps when it licks my flesh,
but chills me to the bone when it's not.

i've been avoiding you.
i thought i had toughened up, but my skin still isn't thick enough.
your voice gets under it every time you talk.

i don't want to hear you talk to me anymore.
i guess i will have to find a way to keep your mouth full.
that way i can actually enjoy your company.

Galaxy

world shifting, axis tilting, stars spinning
heart exploding, ears rushing, pulse racing
falling, i'm falling

sun imploding, planets colliding, galaxy expanding
giggling rapidly, tongue tied, stomach clenched
falling, i'm falling

i dance in my mind with you
in the middle of the living room floor
the bottom of the stairs
in the master closet
on my bed
it's everywhere we've been
i am falling deeper then i ought to
i've caught a tiger by his tail
and i want to yell!

moon eclipsing, asteroids passing, blackholes sucking
nerves rattled, palms sweating, lips licking
falling, i'm falling

clouds moving, rain pouring, skies darkening
thoughts doubting, stupid grinning, hyper driving
falling, i'm falling

i lie against you flesh against flesh in my mind
your smile blinds me
your warmth melts me
your voice entices me
on my bed
it's every part of you i want to touch
i'm falling faster then i want
you've got my attention,
and my entire galaxy is revolving around you!

Simmer

untapped potential rotting in my brain.
undiscovered talents wasting away.
i am too scared to dig into me.
i fear the darkness buried in my soul.
i don't want to know the havoc i can wreak.
i don't want to know what i am capable of.

unmined personality traits await.
unfullfilled anger hovers below my surface.
i need to think more then i feel.
i have to maintain control over myself.
i don't want to know i can ruin everything.
i don't want to know what it's like to lose you.

underneath all my attempts to be normal,
unmasked demons want to be free.
i see pure terror everytime i look in my mirror.
i know there's a point of no return.
i don't want to know where it is.
i don't want to know how to find it.

unrealized emotions must stay that way.
under the skin i must leave the emptiness on simmer.
i like being boring.
i like being unanimated.
i don't want to know what it is like to snap.
i don't want to know what will happen if my suppressed feelings boil over.

Edge of Thought

i think it is time to stop the lie.
i have you on the edge of my thoughts.
i want to push you off and move forward.
but my heart keeps you coming around.
i can't kill your memory and i want to think,
but all i do is feel.

and if i'm feeling then i'm not thinking.
i'm not being who i want, when your image
holds me down. i want to push you out of my mind.
but you stay on the edge, the edge of every thought,
is your lips on mine. i can't keep living like this.

it is time to toss you out.
rip up the pictures along with my soul.
scatter the pieces of happy along the road,
burning my love down until the embers don't glow.
i can't escape the bad and i can't remember the good.
so all i do is feel sad.

and if i'm feeling then i'm not thinking.
i'm not free to be with someone else,
if you are walking around my head.
your words keeping popping up and
i want to shove you off the ledge, but
you linger on along the edge of my thoughts.

i don't deserve the wounds you gave me.
i keep picking at the scabs,
opening them up again and again.
the blood won't wash from my hands.
the damage is unending, the thoughts won't leave me.
you took what you could carry,
including all that was good in me.
i loved you so hard i emptied my heart out.
why can't i kill these feelings for you?

and if i'm feeling then i'm not thinking.
no, i'm not thinking clearly.
i'm trapped by you and no matter how much
i suppress you, you stay right there on
the edge of my every thought.
it's almost enough to make me jump.