Name your Poison

name your poison, boy, for you'll i'll get it.
anything you want i can hunt it down.
you light my fire; i thought i was burnt out forever,
but you reignited all of my desires.
it might be a mistake to let you in.
i could be setting myself up for another bad end,
but name your poison, boy, and i'll make me your best friend.

i'll search high and low for whatever floats your boat.
you got me wanting you and it's never enough.
i haven't felt this alive in years.
all you do has me going crazy.
this could be the best or the worst love ever,
but i won't know until i get you where i want you.
name your poison, boy, and i can fulfill it.

every dream you ever had is my command.
you'll never want us to end.
we'll be the love that goes on and on like the song that never ends.
all of our friends will be so jealous.
name your poison, boy, and we can have it all.

vices are a part of life; you've become mine.
if i'm yours then we have all we need to survive.
we'll lay on the bed just drinking each other in.
i'll never be full and you'll never drink again.
we can build our own ivy tower; let the fools try to tear us down.
as long as i'm your poison, boy, it won't do them any good!

God Already Knows

people tell me they talk to God and he speaks to them.
i'm jealous; the voices in my head aren't my friends.
this cage i've locked myself in has no key.
why can't God speak to me?

i'm told to pray and God will take away my disease,
but what if God is in my pain?

i have a thousand words in a single thought;
they rush out of my mouth like a flash flood.
these pictures in my head are disturbed.
why does God let me see this misery?

i'm told to count my blessing every day,
but what if God wants me to be cursed?

my hands won't work the way i want.
i destroy where i had hoped to create.
my heart isn't always in the right place.
i space myself the furthest from Him.
why do i tell God to go away?

i'm told to do good and God will follow,
but what if God wants me to follow him?

Dear God,
it's me again.
did you get my last prayer?
am i on hold?
do angels bowl?
where is the off switch for my pain?
do you love them more then me?
if you are everywhere, why do i feel so alone?

the questions never end and the answers never come.
this unending circle tortures my soul,
but God already knows!

All of Mine

the slowness of a flame burning out.
the hole that gets dug too deep to fill.
the darkness that sends a chill up your spine.
the denial you cling to like a life preserver.
i felt it before i could see it.
we had passion and fire.
we burned brighter then a five alarm forest fire.
one day hot then the next day remote.
i had part of your heart, but baby i gave you all of mine!

the somber tones of a funeral dirge.
the ominous blues of a stormy summer sky.
the sudden drop in temperature as winter unfolds.
the hope you're wrong is strong.
i heard it in your voice before i saw you shut the door.
we had chemistry and joy.
we connected on levels envied by the heavens.
one day we were in sync the next day not even on the same page.
i had part of your heart, but baby you took all of mine!

the ordinary rut of the day.
the prayers you'll come back someday.
the loneliness strangling your happiness to death.
the loss of motivation to breathe.
i can still hear the echo of your car door closing.
we had love and friendship.
i knew the best how can i ever live without that.
this broken heart isn't even mine to keep.
i had a part of your heart, but baby you still have all of mine!

Uninvited

cold and pale; i feel uninvited in my own flesh.
the sweat beads upon my breasts.
i toss and turn longing for rest.
i drink the medicine waiting for its bliss.
i long for numbness.
touching my face wondering who this stranger is;
i feel uninvited in my own soul.

tired and worn; i feel uninvited in my own skin.
the day fades and i shrink into my bed.
i hope and pray tomorrow is a better day.
i wrap myself up in the pills that promise.
i desire nothingness.
looking into my eyes i see emptiness;
i feel uninvited in my own heart.

bruised and used; i feel uninvited in my own flesh.
the days and nights get mixed up in my head.
i rise and rest with the whim of my disease.
i hunt for the miracle cure.
i need the darkness.
hearing my crying i taste my salty pain;
i feel uninvited in my own mind.

i feel so uninvited everywhere all the time; even in my own life.

Let Love Be

i'm losing it. i'm falling apart, like leaves falling off the trees in the fall.
i'm losing it all. i feel barren, like the desert landscape in a calendar on a cubicle wall.
i can't think past this second.
this moment is swallowing me whole.
i'm stuck on a blank screen.
the hour glass is taunting me.
i feel wound up with no release.

i feel disconnected. i hear and see all that surround me, but none of it matters to me.
this mode i'm running in has me run down.
the cycle i'm pedaling through never seems to end.
i need a little motivation to break away and blow this monotony up.

i long for passion to take root and plant some chaos into my life.
my days aren't anything to remember.
i'm drowning in all this ordinary.
normal never suited me.
i know i hate the heartbreak when it ends, but sometimes the thrill is worth the crash landing.

these blues are making my world gray. it's daunting to force a change.
i keep looking around, but my eyes aren't ready to take anybody in.
all these people running around hooking up then breaking up looks like misery to me.
i need to win the war but these battles keep crushing my self-esteem.

sunshine and daisies were never my style and it never used to bother me.
is it age or loneliness taking their toll on me?
i wonder if it's time to give up and just let love be.

The Hope

the hope is what hurts the most.
the feeling arises and infuses you with new energy.
the fall from hope deflated wrecks the hardiest of souls.

the hope left me broken.
the joy drained from my body.
my face reflected pure disappointment.
the hope had been what i had lived for.
pain rips my heart apart.
the spring has gone dry!
the hope was all i needed and you made damn sure you took that too!

the hope built me up on a house of cards.
i'd smile at random thoughts of happiness.
you gave me moments to nurse my hopes.
your little notes fed my hopes and they had grown to epic proportions.

the hope couldn't last.
like your love it was false.
now i sit alone in the coldness of despair.
i'm in withdrawal from hope's sweet bliss.
it's hard to see past this.
i once had hope and now i don't;
that's what hurts the most.

Reluctant Adult

The big move is done.
Objects placed around each room.
Almost feels like home.

Adjusting to the new night noises.
Wondering where this road leads.
I'm feeling accomplished and pleased.
This is good.
This is right.
This is where I want to be.

The kid is figuring out where to put her stuff.
She overtakes everything she touches.
The buffer is small but necessary.
She's not a child anymore, but a reluctant adult.

She craves my attention like a 3 year old.
I try my hardest to turn her away.
She has to stand on her own as much as I can get her to let me go.
Her red hair matches her quick temper and passionate emotions.
Every day there is some drama in her life that will undo her.
OSU is proving a testing ground for her patience which was always little.

Yes, we are influx.
Yes, we are taking on new challenges.
But I tell her, this is how a life gets lived, in motion, not in rest.
So we will see where we end up.
I hope for her and I both we enjoy the journey and love the destination.
We are settling down into our own for the first time ever home.
Time will tell, it always does.