Lonliness Starts in Our Hearts

i knocked on your door but you never answered
i saw you inside before i knocked
i guess we've officially come apart
me and my anxiety's are at home now
i love how you told me at the start
if you no longer wanted me you'd just tell me
that's one more lie you told me

the way a man can drop off the planet
when he wants to rid himself of a woman
would make the great harry houdini proud
there's no mystery in playing the coward
women are driven to extremes by men
who refuse to give them closure
i've given up believing closure even exists

everyone denies involvement when a heart breaks
i wish i could be as cavalier as you,
but my conscience smacks me around when i let it down
we chase our tails hoping to catch ourselves,
be we never get anywhere and we want to place blame elsewhere
these are the games big boys and girls like to play

i listen to you tell a repeat of a misadventure in romance
the players have changed, but the game remains the same
you say you're tired of it and it's got you down
i suggest a break from love to get your head out of the clouds
but you're scared of the lonliness that lurks in the dark
my darling, lonliness starts in our hearts

i understand what it's like to have time on your hands
it's not a bad thing to be your own best friend
we fear being on our own
but we are born and we die alone
the only person we should depend on is ourselves
peace begins from within
and doubt comes from others mouths.

Little Scraps of Paper

i document my feelings on little scraps of paper.
i have them tucked away in dark secret spaces,
wondering if any words can truly paint
an accurate picture of who i am.

the little scraps of paper are turning yellow.
the lead is fading and the ink smearing.
some of it is so light i can't read it anymore.
when the words disappear,
does part of me vanish with them?

i have written my life down.
sentences strung together haphazardly.
misspellings abound and i don't recall some of the emotions at all.
will anyone care that i felt so small?

i've built a papier-mache empire.
i surround myself with pens and post-it notes,
hoping to capture the elusiveness of my soul.
my pre-occupation with me prevents me
from forming meaningful attachements.
at least that's what a therapist told me long ago.

i spend hours speaking to the dead inside my head.
i'm trying to remember a forgotten friend.
i stand in the kitchen hoping to expose a fear,
but i end up eating chocolate
and writing on a napkin how i hope i choke.

i realize my little scraps of paper won't save me.
but i can't stop myself from adding to them.
when i die i want to be buried in a suit
made out of these little scraps of papers.
then i can review them with saint peter
as he decides if my immortal soul belongs in either heaven or hell.

Eyes Shut

i'm lying here with my eyes tightly shut.
i don't want to open them,
just so i can watch you drive away.
i wish i'd known to say good bye.

with my eyes shut i can pretend,
pretend you will be back again.
i didn't know that would be the last time.
i wish i'd known you and i would end on angry words.
now you won't even respond to me.

i was full of hope.
i thought i'd finally found,
a connection, genuine and true,
a friend and a lover,
but my life cannot maintain,
a lover and a friend.
i can't have either one.

i'm lying here with my eyes tightly shut.
i can't bring myself to open them,
because i know they'll never see you again.
and i miss you more then i can comprehend.

Masterpiece

i have a wish to make.
i'm not sure what it'll take
to make my wish come true,
but if i get just one chance with you,
then i won't mind a lifetime of nothing new.

i'm not blind.
i know the odds.
i think loving you could be my masterpiece.
all the years of pain erased
when you arms wrap around me.
i know i'll finally find peace.

i want to be cinderella just once,
because i know you're my perfect prince.
we don't need a matchmaker here.
the statistics can't predict happenstance.
if you take this gamble with me,
i'll prove i'm worth the risk.

you're my inspiration to exist.
your presence enhances every nuance.
colors jump out at me.
every sound is music to my ears.
all my fears disappear
when you say my name.

i'll climb mount everest with you
and if we fall, at least i'm dying with you.
i know i can't always have my way,
but if you'd stay, i'd play the game anyway.
that's how much i want this.

i'm not known for my patience.
you see that life is a rush for me,
but without you every road is a deadend.
i hear you say you just want to be friends,
but i need so much more for my heart to mend.

just give me one chance
and i'll love you forever.
it may sound cliche,
but when i'm with you,
i'm a better person.
so help me help you realize i'm your masterpiece too.

3 Kisses

slowness grows upon my bones
reverse osmosis stalls my degradation
on top of the mountain i made from a dirty clothes pile
i am queen of everything i own
which is mostly the cheapest things i can buy
one kiss from you undid all i knew

yellow dr. pepper caps scattered on my desktop
they wait to unlock a prize for me
this is all i used to have to look forward to
two kisses from you raised my expectations

tv was my social calendar
i scheduled my life around the make believe world
thinking i have no need for more
i can live alone
i am my own best friend
three kisses from you showed me that's not true
i need you!

This

i don't care at all
if you still love her
cuz it's me you hold
my hopes are higher
then a 60's hippie trippin
all i ask is this
no lies
no secrets and
no promises you can't keep

tell me your worries
share your fears with me
i want to be your confidant
my heart beats your name
your voice brightens my day
all i want is this
no lies
no secrets and
no promises you won't keep

i can see us together,
old and happy
cuz we fit like 2 peas in a pod
you're the one that gets me
my lover and best friend
the one i can die with in the end
just give me this
no lies
no secrets and
no promises we can't keep