A Million Dandelions

he asked for my soul,
i handed it over; no doubts, no hesitation, no fears;
he asked for my lust,
i gave him all i had then he left and i got more;
he gave me his seed,
i'm trying to use it to fill a hole inside of me;
he gave me his love,
i took it and screamed at him it's not enough;

now we've reached reality,
the ecstatic mood has been broken;
an awkwardness has engulfed our every interaction,
my rational thoughts are flooding back to me;
the bell can not be unrung,
his hazel eyes have seen me crazy;

now there's secrets and lies,
i feel dirty, ashamed and unworthy;
he can't forget what his absence bore,
and i can't escape who i am when i'm not his whore;
time draws us closer to the bitter end,
love can't mend shredded dreams;

i stumbled over the ghost's of lovers past,
he boiled and now he simmers over it in his mind;
i snuck across a digital line,
my friend my fault and i agree;
i'm my own worst enemy and my own best friend;

i keep hope alive on caffeine and pizza,
he works himself into a numb living death;
i'll bury us under a million dandelions,
our love will never be gone;
we will forever float in the wind,
the seeds of us planting where ever they land!

Lock

happiness is a wonderful feeling.
joy fills you with warmth.
once upon a time i knew those feelings.
how i live in the past these days.
nothing in my present compares;
love's bittersweet taste on my tongue.
if i unwrap your last gift i'll have nothing left.

this is my place in space, locked in one moment of time.
i don't complain to anyone.
you can't unload your problems, because everyone has their own.
i'm locked into living in a moment that will never repeat.

misery is a cold black wet blanket.
sadness fills my heart with ice.
i know these feeling every damn day.
how they make my future look bleak.
i compare present to past for answers,
but none have surfaced.

i run in place, remembering the feel of your presence.
i don't bother others with these thoughts.
my problems are mental when others have real issues.
i'm locked into what you and i were meant to be.

black and white disagree but i only see gray.
in my soul there's nothing now.
i want to escape but as long as your everywhere i can't.
there's no freedom in these chains of your memory.
i get dragged down to the bottom of all that's surreal.

you locked me up with your love.
you tossed away the key when you left me.
now i sit and spin my wheels waiting for you to release me.
i don't know how to open the lock without you.
just come back for an hour.

Murder Me with Mercy

plain white paper brings dreaded news.
you feel helpless knowing you're at the end of the rope.
plastered inside your mind are terrible deaths.
you have created by osmosis your hated "ID".
self-betrayal without premeditation is murder 2.
most get out in 7-15 years, but i got a life sentence.

can you hear? can you see? can you feel my agony?
we and i boil down to alone.
trim off the fat surrounding my bones,
maybe i'm still alive under the debris.
i hope for another love, but pray i'll die free.

perilous decisions lead me to the ledge
if i don't jump i'll be wondering if it was him
but if it take the plunge and it blows up,
there'll be a fall out i am too broken to cover up.
fragile is a bad mixture for a lonely cocktail
my heart overflows with my self-pity,
a vast well barely tapped, it'll drain out upon my death.

look and listen to me carefully.
i have problems, but i set them aside easily.
i'm too tortured to be me.
i live off my own negative energy.
will you help me if i scream?

murder me with mercy.
strangle me with kindness.
force feed me some confidence.
all i know is i never change.
i ping pong back and forth between bittersweet depression
and the honeymoon of my addictions.
i have no choices so it's a done deal.
i'll be me and all of you will leave me the fuck alone!

Loose Ends

there's alot of loose ends floating around. there's hurt feelings cascading down. there's the end of something beautiful coming. i taste the blood on your tongue. i kiss you for a bittersweet goodbye. i pull away and with me i take the knife from your heart.

i'm so sorry baby. i hate who i am when i'm with you. i didn't mean to do this so badly. i've never been able to leave a room without a huff. but it's not enough. you want reasons or at least a creative excuse. i've got neither.

this was tragically slow.i didn't enojy it baby. i know you think i did. i'm sorry baby. there was a better way. i just couldn't take the time. i was urgently dying inside to let you go. it broke you apart. you swear you'll never be whole again. take it from me it's not that bad.

i'm so sorry baby. i can't stay. i hear the anger in your voice. i see the disappointment in your eyes. you built those hopes and dreams on my back. i should've told you i'm weak.

baby, i know my flaws. they were there all along. you were blinded by love. i must've hurt you when i ripped that blindfold off. i'm so sorry baby. there's no escaping it. it's time to move on. you can't keep me in your cage of love forever. it's not fun but it's got to be done. i'm so sorry baby, but i'm through with you.

Pictures

a picture of love full of smiles
no pictures of the down times
when the tears are being cried
when you curl up & think ur dying
no those r only snapshots in our minds
never forget a picture is worth 1,000 words

i have dreams displaced in time & space
i'm walking in my hometown
down the bottom of the hill on shady lane
towards the dead end
i see this surreal creepy house
surrounded my a wasteland
i am transported inside of it
running in crazy circles screaming to get out
what's it mean, i don't know
i can't even drive down that street
just in case the house is there
i don't want to know
a picture i took as a child
scares me so bad even though i'm an adult
some pictures are better left alone

i took your pictures and put them away
it's a waste to dwell so deep in the past
you forget there's a future ahead of you
but on miserable days i find myself
drawn to the closet
to the bottom of the shoe boxes
looking into your eyes
knowing this is as close to you
i'll ever get again.
bittersweet pictures bring the taste of my tears
to my lips