Time Bomb

don't charge me admission to my own execution.
the hang man's rope calls out to me.
all these hopes that died on my tongue leave me crushed by their gravity.
the peace lily is dying; the war within is still raging.
someday i wanted to change, but not today!

you were the bigger man and that makes me sad.
don't judge me by your own moral standards.
the ten commandments are more like guidelines i ignore all the time.
i envy. i covet. i lust. i fornicate. i lie. i steal. i cheat.
i don't ask for respect because i never give it.
there's no honor inside this broken down whore i've become.

the most i get takes all i got.
don't think you know what i'm going to do next.
i don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing.
i saw you were back here last night smoking.
you didn't even bother to say hi.
the words you gave me were to pacify.
we're both afraid i'm going to lose my mind.

my insides are malfunctioning.
don't believe it's guilt because i'm falling apart.
it's just my broken heart flooding my system with those tears you wouldn't let me cry.
the fears have overtaken all my reason.
your voice had lulled me into submission.
we aren't friend but you like to pretend we are.
your influence over me is fading at last.
one day you'll piss me off and that will set me off, but not today!
i'm a ticking time bomb with a broken clock!

The Risk

i've sunken down into the depths of despair
down here things aren't clear
i can hear you shouting my name
but you sound a million miles away

you can't carry my baggage anymore
i'm missing the fireworks that went off every time you walked through the door
we got comfortable with each other
that was when we got into trouble

i forgot how sweet you felt between the sheets
and you couldn't remember why you loved me
boredom seeped into the cracks inbetween us
the familiar became bittersweet
and we couldn't keep passion's fire burning in our hearts

finding someone new became all i knew
he couldn't be anything like you
you were the poison and i needed to find the anti-dote
these feeling of escape drove me into reckless escapades
i broke your heart for no reason
i stopped trying and you stopped caring
we broke down 1/2 way down the road

your touch is no longer mine
your kisses go to someone else
i didn't look at you anymore
i just saw right passed you
fog rolled into my thoughts

i saw greener grass on the other side of the fence
but when i got there the grass wasn't what i thought it'd be
i miss you, but i took that risk
no i'm paying the consequence
you're in love and it isn't with me

Right Through Me

if i could borrow a better singing voice tonight, i would sing this little melody for God.

hope has never been so sweet.
as i grow stronger in my faith,
every day i learn your plans for me.
i will not cheapen you.
i am blessed to be yours.

i have been lost
and i have been weary,
but you saw right through me.

i'm building on the right foundation now.
your words filling me with joy.
thank you for sending an every day angel.

i have been stupid
and i have been wasteful,
but you saw right through me.

love was temporary for me.
i always envied others.
you opened my eyes to what matters.
my possessions are not my worth.

i am awakened
and i am welcomed,
but you won't ever hesitate to see through me.

if i falter,
if i fall,
you will always call me out.
you see right through to the heart of me.

tomorrow will bring more temptations.
there's always a choice
and i fear making the wrong one.
you send your spirit to guide me,
if i shut up long enough to hear.

i have been careless
and i have been lazy,
but you see through me.

i know you see through my fears to who i want to be.
i know you love me all the time.
O, God, my heavenly Father,
you see right through to the heart of me
and i thank you for keeping me.

Envy the Dog

the dog stares at me while i work
she's outside chilling and i'm inside working
she has the right ideal about today

it's beautiful outside and she wants to play
but i have to work on the computer
and she doesn't understand
doggy food doesn't come free

her nana has to pay the bills
oh, today is on of thosse days
where i envy my dog!!!

Happy Place

i want to be the one you want the most.
but reality bites and i'm always your 2nd place.
i keep wishing for your feelings to shift my way,
but your heart is stubborn.
and i've been unable to point it my way.
time will heal the broken heart she gave to you,
but i worry the scar tissue will keep you from ever loving me.

i hate being selfish but i disagree with you.
you think she's your soul mate.
you believe the two of you fit perfectly together.
but baby, that ain't true.
if the two of you were meant to be,
how could she walk away from you?

she had a choice and she didn't choose you.
does that sound like true love to you?
especially, when i'd pick you every time!
i want to be the one that's always on your mind.
you catch yourself talking about her.
you stop yourself from comparing us.
in my opinion, you just met her first.

it's clear we could be an epic love affair.
your desire for me could spark a million fires.
but you can't let go of the idea of her.
this pedastool you've placed her on is too high for her to ever come down.
you say you love her flaws and all,
but i think time would prove you wrong.

the human condition is a disease we all suffer.
she's already the stupidest woman i've ever heard of,
because she doesn't want you.
i know i am biased, but i know i would treat you better.
only if you'd let me love you,
then i could show you what you truly deserve.

i'm trying to capture our lightning in a cracked bottle with no lid.
this only friends with benefits satisfies my hunger for your touch,
but my heart still starves.
i don't want to push you because i'm afraid i'll lose you.
devastation is layed down in ultimatiums.
i don't want to look back on us and see it was my impatience that chased you away.

patience has never been my forte,
but i've never felt this connected before so i'll bite my tongue
and swallow my pride and hope you eventually realize that even though you aren't where you wanted to be, you ended up in a happy place here with me.