Rent Free

a couple of clicks of the mouse and i sent your cheating heart out to her.
she was clueless, but now she's aware.
you aren't up on her pedestal anymore.
i shot an arrow through all of our hearts.

you told me you'd never talk to me again.
the fallout from you was expected.
i'm hoping now that the cord between us has been so coldly severed i can move on from you.
you weren't good to me.
i'm a person, but you only took from me.

i feel in control finally.
i'm sad she had to be caught in the middle.
i have to take what i've learned from you dominance of me.
i can't let you live rent free in my head anymore.

my stomach turns at the thought of coming face to face with you.
so far you've stayed away.
i didn't mean to chase you off of facebook or out of your apartment.
time will heal these wounds too!

i know you'll twist my words into what you need.
i wasn't able to tell you our relationship was hurting me.
when you touch me i lose all my senses.
there was only one way i could think to end this.
i crossed that line and now i need to stay strong.

i didn't matter to you.
you hurt me again and again and i LET YOU!!!
i have to accept that i created my own cage and gave you the key.
i have to answer to myself why i let you use me without mercy.
i have forgiveness in my heart for you,
and with time it'll get better for all of us!

Misery's Bitch

did you find that rabbit hole where you were hoping to find your soul?
i fell into an invisible man.
he missed what he never did understand.
he's fed, fat and happy, but i'm plotting the perfect moment for my revenge.
the cold air nuzzles my neck and chokes on my cigarette.
i'm riding his hot air to the clouds and sliding to hell on his icy stare.
there's loves embrace and fear's kisses all jumbled up inside my memories of him.

do you keep her next to your shiny new car like a trophy that says you're a star?
she thinks you're in love with her, but we both know that's not true.
loneliness stalks you with every lie you utter to her.
she's not going to buy your delay tactics forever.
she's the kind of woman that marries;
and your the kind of man that worries she wants to marry you.
i'm chasing down karma and pointing it to your door.
stack the deck anyway you want.
the truth has a way of coming out.
i can wait for your life to fall apart.
your hands were never there to hold mine when i needed it,
so mine won't be there for you when she leaves you.

did i set this up so i always lose everything?
maybe i'm hard wired to be misery's bitch, but i stopped lying.
you never broke character with me or her.
how long can you keep pretending to be the man she wants you to be?
no wonder you're always sleeping, all this acting must be exhausting!
i'd beat some sense into you if i thought you could feel.
i've had my breakdown; i wonder how long it'll be until yours comes around.
i dreamed about you lying in bed with me instead of her.
i don't know if it was a nightmare but it scared me.
you and i together won't ever be, because that would be pure misery!

Iron Will

my iron will has rusted out
leaving me susceptible to your smarmy charms.
there's no coffin big enough to hold all my doubts,
but i'll bury myself under your false pretenses.

my escape must be flawless.
i've super glued my smile on my face.
the duct tape holds my heart in place.
i can't chase you when you aren't running.
i have to laugh at how i thought you were sincere.

my fallacy was assuming you knew how to tell the truth.
i'm exhausted from arguing with myself.
i don't have any self-esteem left to give you.
support for us is down to my left pinky finger and i'm ready to cut it off.

my ears are burning from the lies you say.
i've stuffed my heart with fat to kill it.
i'd rather die at my own hands then your demands.
misery is lonely that is why it craves company.

my cognitive distortion was my thinking you'd leave her.
magical thinking can't bring me satisfaction.
your animal magnetism blew me away.
i felt you inside of me so the emotions must be real.

my groundless accusations are gaining traction.
i was told you like dirt better then having sex with me.
you're crazy to think this hasn't become personal.
i don't want to jump to conclusions, but you leave me no where else to go.

my discretion is growing from a whisper to a shout.
the lies must stop before they take over.
i disappear behind the cold wind of winter.
for now i think i can keep a lid on myself,
but i can't tell you it's forever or just until tomorrow.

Time Bomb

don't charge me admission to my own execution.
the hang man's rope calls out to me.
all these hopes that died on my tongue leave me crushed by their gravity.
the peace lily is dying; the war within is still raging.
someday i wanted to change, but not today!

you were the bigger man and that makes me sad.
don't judge me by your own moral standards.
the ten commandments are more like guidelines i ignore all the time.
i envy. i covet. i lust. i fornicate. i lie. i steal. i cheat.
i don't ask for respect because i never give it.
there's no honor inside this broken down whore i've become.

the most i get takes all i got.
don't think you know what i'm going to do next.
i don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing.
i saw you were back here last night smoking.
you didn't even bother to say hi.
the words you gave me were to pacify.
we're both afraid i'm going to lose my mind.

my insides are malfunctioning.
don't believe it's guilt because i'm falling apart.
it's just my broken heart flooding my system with those tears you wouldn't let me cry.
the fears have overtaken all my reason.
your voice had lulled me into submission.
we aren't friend but you like to pretend we are.
your influence over me is fading at last.
one day you'll piss me off and that will set me off, but not today!
i'm a ticking time bomb with a broken clock!

Big Bad Wolf

sunsets come and go
contagious diseases spread rapidly
obvious choices get ignored
time settles everyone down
tomorrow you don't want to wake up alone

girls become women you can't trust
emptiness follows your every step
reasons no longer add up
all your houses got blown down
love has become your big bad wolf
demons have replaced your dreams

calluses have formed over your heart
openess is a concept you forgot
utopia is a woman too desperate to ask questions
little by little the world folds in on you
ominous clouds are rolling in
misery is calling you in the middle of the night
beware the woman that loves you with all her might
everyone screws up, you just screw everyone

Drink It Away

i abandoned my pants in the hallway;
the contents of my stomach are in the toilet.
my body is trying to get this poison out of me, but i don't quit.
i want the alcohol to bring me oblivion.
i'm going to drink it away.

the thoughts slow down to one at a time.
my mind is wrapped up in a warm fog.
i see but i don't feel.
i take another shot to kill all the pain i got.
i'm going to drink it away.

the days and nights pass me by in a haze.
my compulsions to touch you are buried under booze.
if i begin to move, i pour one more.
one day i won't need this crutch.
one day i'll drink away the memory of your touch.

you are all i think about.
you are consuming me.
you told me i hurt you, but you hurt me too.
we were pure, but i always feel dirty.
i got jealous and tired of being runner up to her.
i'm going to drink it away.

this rejection burns as i swallow another one down.
my desire's flame is being doused by the whiskey's sting.
why'd i let you in because now i can't get you out.
i feel like i'm bleeding to death.
life is love and love is pain.
i will drink it away!

Incomplete

i ask you to marry me in one sentence
and downplay it as jest in the next,
but if my heart could shout
it would cry out for you to be my man!

i'm right here, but you don't see me.
i'd love to expand the world's population with you.
your shaved head, goatee, and hazel eyes have me mesmerized.
how do i take control with you when i've never had it before?

i don't want a phone smarter then me.
caves, bungee jumps, and roller coasters don't call out to me.
the adventure i seek drinks his whiskey neat.
he doesn't cut corners, is borderline ocd, and eats meat.

promises haven't been exchanged.
we make out and dry hump regularly.
the build up to something more has fizzled out.
my mental images are the only ones getting off.

i love chocolate, the color yellow, and daffodils.
i hate clowns, death, and people who mock me.
what i know about scott can't complete this sentence.
he camps, off roads certain vehicles, and loves at least 1 of his 7 children.

my file on him is as incomplete as this poem.
i think we'd set the world on fire together.
our demons can throw one hell of a party.
little petey and i could meet daily.

let's talk about our feelings.
undo the damage done by years of neglect.
i'll take your hand and understand.
i'll love all of you and not just the parts i like.

you're a whole person, both good and bad.
i want to know it all.
please show me every part of your personality.
i know it's more complicated then i think.

i'm not here to save you or fix you.
you don't need that from me.
i accept you just the way you are.
you're beautiful to me.

but you never gave me a chance to love you.
this romance was all happenstance.
now you get a faux happy ending with her
and i'm left alone and incomplete!

Button

he should be angry but he's not.
i should've found a button to push by now, but i've not.
he's unpredictable and it's freaking me out.
he zigs when i zag.
he'd driving me mad!

desire flares my nostrils and dilates my pupils.
physically he provokes uncontrollable responses from me.
emotionally he confuses the fuck out of me.
i can't figure him out.
maybe he's playing me, but i got to find out.

he says one thing and does another.
i say i'm done, but i can't walk away.
he's never what i expect him to be.
he brings out every side of me.
he's always one step ahead of me!

happiness makes me smile and laugh.
cosmically he makes me feel alive again.
mentally we're acting like teenagers.
i'm unable to process all these emotions.
maybe it's time to run!

Every Minute

for every minute i'm up there's 10 that i'm down,
but i hide the sad from you.
your wants supercede mine.
i drift away into impossible thoughts.
knowledge cripples my emotions.
i would abandon reason to be your friend.

our bridge is barely standing.
i keep chipping away at its foundation.
the urge to blow us all to hell tackles me to the ground.
destruction makes me feel.
i don't deserve to be close to you.

you aren't responsible for me.
we were two limbidos doing a vertical limbo.
you can let go because you never held on.
we'll never know how high we could've gone.
i imploded from arguments we only had in my head.
there's a thousands of words i heard that you never said.

crazier things happen every day.
why can't you be with me?
obstacles are meant to be overcome.
there's never still water in your heart.
i'm too unique and hard to forget.
i leave an imprint.

for every minute i spend without you there's 10 i'm wanting to hold you,
but i hide the love from you.
your dreams trump mine.
i build you up in my fantasies.
obsession takes over all logic.
i would kill her to keep you here with me till the end.

Green-Eyed Monster

i wish i was the center of your universe.
our paths must have traversed for a purpose.
this can't be our swan song.
the hollow echo of our unfulfilled potential rings over & over in my ears!

your hazel eyes beckon me to kiss you.
our fluids have been swapped and made a glorious mess.
now it's akward, this sudden breakdown of talk.
let's focus on what we do best with our tongues and hands.
emotional connections can't be tested if they don't exist.

your world collided into my wan existence.
you can't walk away after you change everything.
i don't know what makes you tick,
but when we're together it just clicks.
lies are okay if it all ends up the way i want.
it's not the journey but the destination that matters in this fight.

i'm tempted to go super nova on your life, but i still want to hold you.
i'm conflicted between vengeance and desire.
if i could have both, true satisfaction would be mine.
i know you say mean things about me.
i hear you've been talking trash.
i thought you were better then that.

i've managed to keep my green-eyed monster locked away,
but the door's shaking and i can hear it roar.
i don't know how much longer it can be ignored.
this urge i have to reap what you've sown.
to kill every dream you have in your heart.

make your choices wisely.
choose your next words carefully.
because once this thing gets started i can't stop it;
the green-eyed monster in me will devour you and your world
and we will both get torn apart!

Dear Scott

my computer screen is the only light in the room.
i watch as the gnats are drawn to its light.
i shoo them away, i'm in no mood to spill any blood today.
i got my sullen music playlist on and i'm wondering when i'll see...
of course, my pen runs out of ink mid thought,
but these thoughts of you i can't keep.

i'm looking at the date and all i see is bytes.
101111,
yes i want you
no i don't
yes
yes
yes
yes
dear scott, give me some more!!!

my life is coming to its apex.
i'm not going to get any better from here.
i crave what he won't give me.
i pissed away my chance and he's taunting me with that fact.
too bad woman.
i got myself another piece of ass and you can't compete with that.
yes i can.
no i can't
yes
yes
yes
yes
dear scott, give me some more!!!

i've lost my mind!
but i'm crazy so i do this all the time.
i hand him the keys and open up my legs.
i pace in front of my computer waiting for a message from him.
i hope he doesn't know how badly i want him,
but i know he knows i do.
this is so messed up!

it's the thrill of stolen seconds that shouldn't be mine.
the kisses are sweeter when they are forbidden.
the passion hotter when you can't stay.
every sensation is 10 times better when you only have a minute or two.
yes we can't stop.
no we can.
yes
yes
yes
yes
dear scott, give me some more!!!

i feel like a dirty whore, but i'm not getting paid or even laid.
i swear i've been such a good good girl.
there's only touching, rubbing, sucking, nibbling, and squeezing.
he has me playing with his matches.
i keep waiting for us both to catch on fire and burn.
yes i want you
no i don't
yes
yes
yes
yes
dear scott, it's time for you to give me some more!!!