No Titles

hope cries and faith dies and all i know is a history of lies.
i try to turn it around.
break the mold i let you cast me into, but the perceptions persist.
i talk to you until i'm blue in the face;
even rudeness can't cut through the surface of me you cling to.

picture perfect attitudes and cookie cutter expectations behold my uniqueness like a deadly disease.
i try to take my time.
i chip away at every misconception you've formed about me, but your stereotypical thinking resists me.
words can't undo all the brainwashing you've been through;
even knowing different isn't wrong doesn't stop you from labeling everything you think doesn't belong.

oblivious eyes and deaf ears miss out on the subtle beauty that surrounds them.
how can you miss so much yet believe your world is complete?
you rush around in your narrow tunnels of thought shunning all exceptions to your rules.
if there's no titles you get confused.
God forbid i don't want to be just like you!
and we all know you wouldn't dare try to walk a mile in my shoes.

mismatched socks and uncombed hair aren't anything to fear.
i hear my own marching band and i dance and hum right along.
i change my mind all the time.
i love to walk in warm summer rains and run in cold ones.
i think expressing yourself is cool, even if i don't agree with you.
i respect your view, is it so hard for you to do the same?

Winter in Late March

the wind cuts through my three layers of clothes as if i've come outside naked.
i turn the corner and my breath catches and my heart stammers.
the briskness of my walk fails to warm me and i come back in unable to feel my extremities.
i clumsily peel back the clothes to confirm i still have my fingers and my toes!

i cover up in three blankets and a 30 pound puggle.
an hour has lapsed and the chill still permeates every cell of flesh i have.
the winter has been a bitter enemy;
the spring an unwilling ally.
the snow begins again bringing more dread with no end.
even the ghosts of my past have been frozen solid.

i sit still in the quiet hoping to be forgotten.
the extended grey skies have crippled my enthusiasms.
now the only appealing things in my world are heat and sleep.
no one smiles or looks up between their mad dashes from heated cars to heated stores to their heated houses.
we are being held prisoner by winter's unyielding wrath.

i dream of a sun filled paradise.
palm trees, swimming pools, pink drinks with umbrellas and a tan all dance around in my head.
the mirages never stay and every morning the cold stabs my hope to death.
i'd fly away if i could afford it, but winter knows i'm stuck and delights in my misery.

the sun is out and mocking me with its shine, but no warmth it provides.
my aches have aches.
my pains have pains.
every movement triggers a tormenting throbbing of every muscle.
i crank up the thermostat and grit my teeth.
the dollars lost hurt almost as much as my fingers do.

wintertime i beg of you, move on to some other country.
i've had enough of your attention this year.
my life is on pause until you leave.
please die so i can live.
my soul is suffocating under your unrelenting gaze.
you use to be my favorite time of year, but your welcome has passed.
winter it's not you it's me!

White/Black/Grey

there's a fire in my belly and a song in my heart.
my life's a puzzle and all the pieces have been lost.
even God with his almighty hand cannot move me.
inside my head power lingers misplaced.
i drive through the memories looking for your face.
somewhere within these neurons is the place i need to be.
lock me up and throw away the key.
white has never looked very good on me.

your peace lily is wilting; your love is dying.
time is an illusion of endless misery.
turn off the fear and doubts;
build me a bridge back to my former self,
before i find the door to insanity.
you always were a light pushing away my night's.
now there's no love shining on me.
i'm counting down the days until the darkness carries me away.
black goes with everything they say.


i'm a million pieces sowed together with cheap thread.
the tears are showing and my nerves are fraying.
i hunch over your words and hoping you can save me.
the thoughts swirl in and out of my ears.
i draw upon what's left of my faith.
my eyes have too many unshed tears.
i can't go back to where i was, but i can't go where you want me.
grey suites me because it's the color of my eyes!

Don't Hesitate

don't hesitate, take my breath, breathe life into yourself at my expense.
sacrifice me for a greater good; disappear into his light.
when i'm on my own my heart struggles to thrive.
if i give myself to you i become stable once more.

i'm stubborn, selfish, and greedy in this minute i see all my life behind me
and ahead of me and there's only misery everywhere i have ever been.
i stay true to myself and it is killing me one day at a time!
i am merely human. on my own i stand alone.

if i'm brave enough to let you take over i will be whole again.
i'm scared. it is natural for me to hold back bits of me.
i fight even though i know this is right.
control is a game i was never meant to win.
so here i go down your road leaving behind all i've ever known.

these gifts you've given me have been misspent.
all my years i've failed to repent.
my sins are small in quality but overwhelming in quantity.
i always flinch when you stare into me.
now i must overcome every action i have taken.
i give you the power, go crazy with that wrecking ball.
rebuild this broken house into your palace.
i want you to live here, in me, with me, as me;
i want to be one with you, better inside and out.

we passed by the detour.
now we go on the long and winding road.
every bump, every curve, and every hill has to be felt.
my soul is in sorry shape, i let myself go long ago.
don't hesitate, not tomorrow, but now, it starts right now!
i exercise my right to choose!
God, I choose you!!!
Jesus, I choose you!!!
Salvation, I choose you!!!

10 o'clock News

white lights up and down the highway
bright lights between me and my way
i'll be a blurb tonight on the ten o'clock news
i have no excuse
i'm not a vampire it is time to step into the lights

blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror
sad lights trying to give me my cue
i'll be interviewed tonight on the ten o'clock news
i can't be a recluse
i'm not a magician i have to stay out of the lights

Bad Bug

that's a bad bug, leave it alone, it's a bad bug!
it'll sting you until you're numb;
until your throat swells shut,
and you think you're going to die, it's a bad bad bug!

that's a bad bug, let it go on, it's a bad bug!
it turns your insides out;
leaves you weak and shaking on the floor,
and you pray to die, it's a bad bad bug!

i'm sitting in the spring sunshine fighting an urge to cry.
my stomach rolls like a thunder storm.
my ribs ache from all the sickness i've expunged.
i prayed for mercy then i begged for death!

that's a bad bug, take it far away, it's a bad bug!
it overcomes you and takes control;
you aren't you anymore,
and you become just a ball of disease trying to breathe, it's a bad bad bug!

that's a bad bug, wash down all the pills to kill it, it's a bad bug.
the pain comes crashing in waves of vomit and tears;
both ends explode into misery,
and i'm chained to the bathroom like a slave to its master, it's a bad bad bug!

there's not freedom in the pink you drink.
every second i think death has arrived.
if this is living then death can't be that bad.
i prayed to find a chemical to release me from this nightmare.

that's a bad bug, it crawls inside of you and eats you alive, it's a bad bug.
it's tearing me apart one retch at a time;
i'm huddled in the corner knowing i'm going to die,
and all i feel is relief, it's a bad bad bug!

The Day Drags

as the day drags on i wonder why i bother to try;
my efforts end in disappointment.
pain is my only friend.
with every new ache i debate where my road leads.
goals seem futile.
dreams seems implausible.
hopes seem irresponsible.
yes, the more the day drags on the more restless i become.

as the day drags on it is beating me down.
every minute feels like forever.
time stops and taunts.
with every second i long to leave.
work is pointless.
planning is useless.
thinking is worthless.
yes, the more the day drags on the more i hate it.

as the day drags on i feel like i'm dying.
my flesh grows wrinkled.
my heart slows.
with every new gray hair i wish this day would end.
laughing seems futile.
smiling seems painful.
happiness seems beyond my reach.
yes, the more this day drags on the more i'm over it.

Second Chances

second chances are rare.
i don't know where this will lead but i'm going to enjoy it while i got it.
years fly by until you see the end up close and personal.
the older i get the more i understand why nothing works out according to your plans.
now i hope for the best and pray the worse will never come.

hold on, sit tight, close your eyes, make that wish but don't forget to try!

second chances should be celebrated.
i'm amazed with the changes yet stunned how much is still the same.
the years have matured us both.
i see now why we ended back then but now i know how we can last.
the older we get the better we get along.
now i'm ready to take your hand and pray this time it won't go wrong.

hold on, be strong, wrap your arms around me and don't forget to feel!

second chances aren't a movie.
i don't get to write the ending.
happily ever after is a series of choices we have to make together.
but i'll enjoy replaying every moment of this one day.
the years take away the pain but hurt's memory still lingers.
now we see how far forgiveness can take us and we pray straight from our hearts.

hold on, keep calm, open up your heart and together we will love each other again!