Heavy Heart

heavy heart
slow start
sleep beckons

sorrowful soul
body cold
life disappoints

ringing ears
ideas barren
numbness seduces

painful thoughts
medication bought
alcohol drowns

aching hands
wasted woman
moral sinks

walking dead
throbbing head
lover demands

fighting air
lying cares
family abandons

heavy heart
forgotten part
dream reckons

Bring me Light

i can't find you here.
i've been searching everywhere, but you are nowhere near.
this hunt i'm on leaves me weary.
i've grown older and my soul is getting colder because i've lost you!

bring me light.
bring me warmth.
help me feel you again.
i read your words to light a fire in my heart, but nothing starts.
i can't find you anywhere!

I can't find you here.
An empty bottle brings me no solace.
my faith waivers.
i used to hear your voice.
now i've gone deaf.
the world spins around me and i fear its love.
i've gone off the path.

bring me light.
bring me warmth.
help me hear you again.
i bow my head in fervent prayer to light a fire in my soul, but nothing starts.
i can't find you at all!

i can't find you here.
the pill bottles are scattered across the counter.
all my pain remains unrelieved.
i used to see your influence all around me.
now all i see is greed and misery.
i can't overcome the visions of my past.
i've lost sight of your love!

bring me light.
bring me warmth.
help me see you again.
i open my eyes to see the good to light a fire in my mind, but nothing starts.
i can't see where you are God!
help me find you again!

Creeper

why do you come around here?
don't you know all you cause is fear?
take a hint creeper and fuck off!

you spring yourself on people like a bear trap.
your alcoholic stupor leaves a stench!
take a hint creeper and slink off;
back into the dark where you came from!

i don't want you!
i don't like you!
your eyes creep me out!
i know you're disappointed.
you thought i'd be easy, but you make my skin crawl!

creeper take the short road home!
i want you gone forever.
i'm locking my doors.
i'm checking them twice.
i'm finished being nice.
loser, take this advice, creeper someone else!

it's not my job to prop you up.
i'm not your friend.
this has to end.
don't hang around like the unwanted fly on the wall.
have some pride and leave!
i can't take your creepy ways anymore!

take the bus creeper.
take the train creeper.
just take the next step out of here creeper!
leave me be!

Drink It Away

i abandoned my pants in the hallway;
the contents of my stomach are in the toilet.
my body is trying to get this poison out of me, but i don't quit.
i want the alcohol to bring me oblivion.
i'm going to drink it away.

the thoughts slow down to one at a time.
my mind is wrapped up in a warm fog.
i see but i don't feel.
i take another shot to kill all the pain i got.
i'm going to drink it away.

the days and nights pass me by in a haze.
my compulsions to touch you are buried under booze.
if i begin to move, i pour one more.
one day i won't need this crutch.
one day i'll drink away the memory of your touch.

you are all i think about.
you are consuming me.
you told me i hurt you, but you hurt me too.
we were pure, but i always feel dirty.
i got jealous and tired of being runner up to her.
i'm going to drink it away.

this rejection burns as i swallow another one down.
my desire's flame is being doused by the whiskey's sting.
why'd i let you in because now i can't get you out.
i feel like i'm bleeding to death.
life is love and love is pain.
i will drink it away!

Given Up the Ghost

i am feeling every fat cell tonight
i am weighed down by my heavy sighs
the only control i have is over myself
and i have failed at executing that
you toyed with my hormones
i was on a righteous track
but now i have fallen into the sinner's rack.

Jesus sat with the ones that needed saved
so right now he should be beside me
because i need him now more then ever
my bible offers me no respite
i still dream of fucking you every night

i am feeling every mile i have ever walked
my pain reminds me i am real
i have fallen all over the place
and i do not know if i can get back up again
i had fire burning through my veins
and i burst into lust filled flames

God i know i have disappointed you
right now i am a dirty minded whore
because i want him more then i want you
the scriptures tell me to flee
but i can not think when he is near me

i am feeling every regret i have ever had
my poor decisions drain me
the bottle brings a complete blackout
but i can not stay unconscious forever
eventually, i will have to take responsibility

the Holy Ghost has no love left to give me
i have no fight in me
i want to be wrong
but there is no more doubt
i have given up the Ghost for a man!

I'm drunk!

i am drunk!
stuck between the freedom and the poison
pain has drifted out on a shot glass!
i amuse myself to no end.
i wish i could cure my pain,
oops, jack daniels already did!

tomorrow might brings headaches and regret.
i have self administrated my own pain medication.
getting on the healthy band wagon causes me pain.
my story is simple,
i'm the woman that has no happy ending!

i struggle with my understanding,
technology broadcast every fault.
love rises above dead doves,
i kill my heart for you.
who dares to defile me descends from heaven.
if you fall in love your flesh burns.

i regret this mess.
but i confess that this is a bad decision.
i enjoy this disconnected vision.
wrap me up and take me to bed
i want to touch another human being besides myself.

i got here full of gutter thoughts,
i can forgive you, but not myself,
all this is typed in a haze,
thank God, i'm still well behaved.

In The Dark

in the dark i sit to gather my thoughts.
what was today?
and what did it mean to me?
the aching shoulder
or the throbbing knee,
which one will be the death of me?

in the dark i lay waiting for sleep.
what will tomorrow bring?
and how will it impact me?
the pills taken
or the alcohol drank,
which one of these will be the end of me?

in the dark i fret about my life.
where am i going?
and when will i get there?
the mistakes i'm making
or the reckless actions i'm taking,
which one will be the destruction of me?

in the dark i hope for a better day.
why can't i get better?
and when will i get it right?
the men i've loved
or the loved ones i've lost,
which one will be what breaks me?