Wash Me Away

there's plenty of work for me to do but it sits.
i feel flustered and unfocused.
my thoughts hop from one to another like the Easter bunny going house to house.
i can't decide on anything and my mind begins to bend.
15 minutes ago i was in a good mood.
then out of the blue the shades were drawn and now i'm confused and scattered.

oh, how this disease plays to win.
an attitude for every minute of every day.
the tidal waves of crushing emotions wash me away.
all that remains is a sea of exhaustion for me to drown!

there's concern knocking on the door for me.
i feel forgotten and underwhelmed.
my heart skips a beat or two trying to contain my panic.
i can't overcome it; and my hands begin to tremble.
yesterday went by so fast, but today's misery drags.
i need to hold on to the up's but the down's come too quickly.
now i'm distraught and shattered.

oh, how this disease taunts me.
a feeling for every color in the spectrum.
the storm's rain is washing me away.
all that remains is a shell full of negative space!

there's more despair then hope left here.
i feel fearful and misunderstood.
my soul bounces around different ideas to save it.
i can't settle for what tied me over before.
two days ago peace evaporated and has yet to return.
i thirst for the refreshing taste of calm.
now i'm empty and broken.

oh, how this disease destroys me.
these moods come and go as they please.
i scrub so hard to try and wash it away.
all that remains is me getting sucked down the drain.

oh,how this disease washes me away!

Crush

i have a new crush, hush!
it's a secret i keep close to my heart.
i've been bum rushed with lust!
it's time to dust off my heart and attempt to love again.
the scars run deep into my soul.
the feelings are growing but i hold back.
i hesitate to make initial contact.
rejection could crush my fragile feelings.

i don't know how many beats my poor heart has left.
time is short but heartbreak's sting is still too fresh.
i'm missing the nerve to take this chance!
i work hard to avoid the opposite sex but they're everywhere.
he is someone i always thought was cute but he had a ring where it can get me hurt,
but now i notice the ring is gone!
i don't know what happened or if he's still haunted by a divorce's ghost.
do i ask or just stare some more?

my past still shadow's my every step.
i can't go all in anymore.
these memories hurt less everyday but i'm a long way from healed.
loneliness is still a preferred state of being at this point.
i've become allergic to pain.
i cough and nearly choke to death at the thought of falling in love!

these times are tough and i have to survive.
i can't trust my heart or believe my ears.
lies are so easily disguised as hope.
truth hurts worse when told to you by someone else.
i can't deny this crush, but i can fight against it!
it won't overtake me!
this time i walk away before it ever starts.

You Kill Me

your arrogance overwhelms me.
your own ego fuels your narcissistic delusions.
you changed your path without telling me.
you had to focus and i was distracting you.
instead of sharing you closed up shop.
you abandoned me alone and in the proverbial dark.

you kill me... you didn't dump me... you killed me!
i'm not on your list for updates.
you've got to keep moving forward.
these are your choices and i get to suffer their consequences.
you kill me... that no fault attitude stabs me... you killed me!

how do two people get so far out of sync?
you ignore and then you destroy what you helped to create.
then you try to place all the blame on me.
it takes two to make a mess this big,
but you don't think i'm worthy to share your life.
you left me confused and lost while you found your zen.

you kill me... you pass judgement like you're God... you kill me!
take your precious life lessons and shove them up your own ass.
i don't need you to tell me i'm real.
my broken heart and depression yell it at me loud and clear.
you don't believe in anyone but yourself.
you kill me... you're a taker... you killed me!

i gave you everything i had and now there's nothing left.
you couldn't see past your own needs.
now you've changed and set a new course without me.
i have to adjust to the lack of your domination.
it's not too hard, because now i can breathe!
you killed me and that set me free!!!!

Bangs and a Broken Heart

i got bangs and a broken heart.
he tore my whole world apart.
i was chasing the shadow of the perfect man.
he was an illusion selling me my dreams and i paid him everything i had!

now i'm alone, older, and not wiser.
i'm thinking about what went wrong this time.
he isn't remorseful and i'm not ready to let go.
we struggle against each other's flaws.
i wanted all of him and he wanted nothing at all from me!

i had hope for the first time in awhile.
the sun can't shine on me forever.
i had fun until he took it all away.
i had him but i didn't guess he wouldn't stay.
why can't i find love that won't fade?

those silly girlhood forever fantasies got the better of me.
he preyed upon my vulnerabilities.
wishes were the fuel for his bonfire of lies.
he duped me and i let him.
i don't know if i can do this anymore.
i have to undo this damage or he'll win!

i'm retreating to nurse my wounds.
this heartache won't kill me but i'm spooked.
it's time to be less a romantic and more pragmatic.
my goals are clear and he's not meeting them.
if love could be logical then we'd be happier.
i'll take this seat at the head of an empty table
and my mind will move past what it always knew would never last!

Die Loving You

don't go... i need to hold onto something in the midst of all this nothing.
you're all i got saving me from insanity.
it's okay to take a stand.
we're down but not out.
don't you see... as long as i die loving you nothing else means a thing!

don't stop... spin me around in your arms all night long.
our love isn't wrong.
two people in tune is beautiful.
we aren't hurting anyone.
let the rest of the world hate.
i think as long as i die loving you they don't mean anything!

don't cry... their words are harsh but i'm your haven.
my door is always unlocked to you.
others drag you down so they don't feel blue,
but i know you're perfection and i'm blessed to have you.
i know as long as i die loving you our lives mattered!

don't hesitate... grab my hand and run in the snow.
we can fall.
we can get beaten.
we can let the world win, but let's be us and defy them all.
i hear different is the new cool.
and as long as i die loving you i won!

don't joke... i'm crazy about you.
i'll fight everyone to keep you.
they can call us names and devalue our feelings,
but we know our hearts.
we love more then they'll ever know.
i find their jealousy motivation to keep loving you until i die,
because i matter to you!

Heavy Heart

heavy heart
slow start
sleep beckons

sorrowful soul
body cold
life disappoints

ringing ears
ideas barren
numbness seduces

painful thoughts
medication bought
alcohol drowns

aching hands
wasted woman
moral sinks

walking dead
throbbing head
lover demands

fighting air
lying cares
family abandons

heavy heart
forgotten part
dream reckons