You Kill Me

your arrogance overwhelms me.
your own ego fuels your narcissistic delusions.
you changed your path without telling me.
you had to focus and i was distracting you.
instead of sharing you closed up shop.
you abandoned me alone and in the proverbial dark.

you kill me... you didn't dump me... you killed me!
i'm not on your list for updates.
you've got to keep moving forward.
these are your choices and i get to suffer their consequences.
you kill me... that no fault attitude stabs me... you killed me!

how do two people get so far out of sync?
you ignore and then you destroy what you helped to create.
then you try to place all the blame on me.
it takes two to make a mess this big,
but you don't think i'm worthy to share your life.
you left me confused and lost while you found your zen.

you kill me... you pass judgement like you're God... you kill me!
take your precious life lessons and shove them up your own ass.
i don't need you to tell me i'm real.
my broken heart and depression yell it at me loud and clear.
you don't believe in anyone but yourself.
you kill me... you're a taker... you killed me!

i gave you everything i had and now there's nothing left.
you couldn't see past your own needs.
now you've changed and set a new course without me.
i have to adjust to the lack of your domination.
it's not too hard, because now i can breathe!
you killed me and that set me free!!!!

Over This

i'm over this. the falling asleep with the cell phone praying you'll call.
jumping at every beep thinking you've reached out to me.
i'm over this. the waiting for you to keep your word.
the anxiousness tied to not knowing how you feel.
i'm over this. the way you do just enough to string me along.
your nonchalant attitude towards our love.

you told me you loved me.
you said you wanted to make a baby with me.
you sold me every shining piece of you and when i bought into you;
you switched yourself out with a cold distant son of a bitch whose never here!

i'm over this. begging for a minute of your attention.
being frustrated and unsatisfied every time you leave me.
i'm over this. my needs being laughed at by you.
my emotions being ignored.
i'm over this. you acting like i'm nothing to you.
everyone and everything being more important then me to you.

you said we'd be together forever.
you told me i'd be in your world.
you painted a perfect picture of a happy family and when i went to hang it on the wall;
the picture fell apart, crashed to the ground into a 1,000 pieces.

i'm over this. not knowing what you want or need from me.
hoping you show up when you say you will.
i'm over this. your vague excuses and justifications for your behavior.
your worn out speeches on patience.
i'm over this. because i deserve so much more!
because my heart is NOT your revolving door!

Doomed

the urge to call or text is overwhelming.
you pulled the plug.
you ended it.
i was brave at work, i swallowed my tears,
but on the way home i cried like i hadn't in years.

i'm so confused.
i don't know what to do.
so i'm suffering alone on the couch,
hopelessly lost because i couldn't figure you out.

your reaction surprised me.
we have a mutual acquaintance.
it should have been an it's a small world after all moment,
but you exploded and freaked out on me.
then you accused me of being a creepy cyber stalker,
like i was hunting you and your friends down online.

you didn't even say you were sorry.
you began to grill me.
things spiraled out of control.
then you said i was too much drama
and you let me go!

i'm hurt and sad but not mad.
i'm giving you time and space.
all my friend think you're hiding something
and that is why you got up in my face,
but i just miss you being at my place.

this love still echos inside of me.
i'm ruined by you and now i'm without you.
i feel doomed!

Misery's Bitch

did you find that rabbit hole where you were hoping to find your soul?
i fell into an invisible man.
he missed what he never did understand.
he's fed, fat and happy, but i'm plotting the perfect moment for my revenge.
the cold air nuzzles my neck and chokes on my cigarette.
i'm riding his hot air to the clouds and sliding to hell on his icy stare.
there's loves embrace and fear's kisses all jumbled up inside my memories of him.

do you keep her next to your shiny new car like a trophy that says you're a star?
she thinks you're in love with her, but we both know that's not true.
loneliness stalks you with every lie you utter to her.
she's not going to buy your delay tactics forever.
she's the kind of woman that marries;
and your the kind of man that worries she wants to marry you.
i'm chasing down karma and pointing it to your door.
stack the deck anyway you want.
the truth has a way of coming out.
i can wait for your life to fall apart.
your hands were never there to hold mine when i needed it,
so mine won't be there for you when she leaves you.

did i set this up so i always lose everything?
maybe i'm hard wired to be misery's bitch, but i stopped lying.
you never broke character with me or her.
how long can you keep pretending to be the man she wants you to be?
no wonder you're always sleeping, all this acting must be exhausting!
i'd beat some sense into you if i thought you could feel.
i've had my breakdown; i wonder how long it'll be until yours comes around.
i dreamed about you lying in bed with me instead of her.
i don't know if it was a nightmare but it scared me.
you and i together won't ever be, because that would be pure misery!

What I Know Is Me.

let's walk away from the window,
like we don't have a care.
let's leave behind our sorrow,
let the birds carry it into the air.

there will be other lovers.
there will be other heartaches.
cuz what i know is me,
and i always repeat my mistakes.

let's go on about our day,
like nothing hurts.
let's run around and play,
let the laughter kill the pain.

there will be other break ups.
there will be other chances.
cuz what i know is me
and i always repeat my mistakes.

let's go to bed and dream away,
like we are happy.
let's wake up and start the day,
like it's exciting.

there will be other tears to cry.
there will be other nights were we feel like we are dying.
cuz what i know is me
and i always repeat my mistakes.

Almost Right

it was almost right.
we had a shot,
but you shut us down.
you're the man i wanted,
but i'm not the woman you needed.

it's not right,
and it's not fair.
why can't i be the one you hold onto tight?
i'd love you for the rest of my life.

it was almost right.
i saw through your flaws
to a man i could love forever.
i don't know what to do.
you made your decision with cruel precision.

it's not good,
and it's not fun.
breaking hearts and crushing spirits on the run.
why couldn't i be the one you kiss goodnight?
i miss all your oddities.

it was almost right.
we almost belonged,
but now you've gone.
and i'm almost done crying.

Wondering Why

Take away the sun.
Turn all the lights off.
Let the darkness come in
And shut off all the noises.
As you sit in the silence,
Maybe a thought or two will come to you.
And maybe somewhere in them, I'll be there with you.

But, I am left wondering why.
I don't know how I could've loved you better.
I don't know how I could've been a better friend.
Somtimes there's no answers in the answers you get,
But I only hope, that you think about me sometimes.

Hold back on tomorrow.
Hesitate before you go.
Please look back over your shoulder,
Because I'm feeling like I meant nothing to you.
Maybe if you could reach out to me.
And maybe help me understand you better.

But I am left wondering why.
I don't think I'd do anything different.
I don't know if I should've lied.
Sometimes there's no reason in the reasons you're given,
But I only hope, I'm in the back of your mind.

I only hope you're wondering why sometimes.
I only hope I cross your mind like you're crossing mine.

Eeyore and I

Staring out the window wondering how i'm gonna let you go.
I watch the wind blowing the empty trees.
I notice the similarities.
Life lives in forward motion only,
but I breathe on empty.

The winter's cold curls up in my soul.
The blank slate of whiteness turns my heart old.
I sit under blankets with the heat cranked on high,
but warmth escapes me.

I'm lost and confused.
Tomorrows are blurry.
You difused all my worries.
Now I'm wrapped up tightly inside my fears.
My courage fled when you disappeared.

I want to defy my nature,
but Eeyore and I revel in melancholy together.
You never lied to me.
My heart fed the delusions.
I asked you to let me have them,
but time runs out on everything.

Smiling, fleeting at silly puppies.
I'm trying to recover a little bit of me.
I sense the journey will be long,
but you made your executive decision.
You chose to live your life without me,
and I have to find a way to move on.

What the Hell?

hey, hey, hey, all i wanted was a sunny day
but you let the rain come pouring out of your mouth.
i didn't need a disertation on all the flaws our love's got.
i didn't ask for an invitation to a break-up party.

your bringing me down.
your drowning me out.
what the hell is this all about?
one day your hugs and kisses
saying love ya's and miss ya's
now it's you gotta have your space
get out of my place
back away from my face
what the hell is this all about?

hey, hey, hey, all i wanted was to play
but you stomped around breaking all the toys.
i didn't want a presentation of how bad i am for you.
i didn't request your meditations on life with me gone.

your giving me a frown
treating me like a clown
what the hell is this all about?
one day your hugs and kisses
saying love ya's and miss ya's
now your saying goodbye
making me cry
and telling whale sized lies
what the hell is this all about???

The Bad Guy

She's beautiful. I understand what you see in her. I tried to be a better woman. I was hoping you'd try to be a better man. But you fell into your desires, we've both been burnt by this wildfire.

it was the lack of words that spoke volumes to me. The missing clothes. The new cologne. All the signs were there but I didn't want to see where they were leading me to.

So who's the bad guy here? I blame you for being weak. You blame me for gaining weight. Whose right? And Whose Wrong? I like to wear black, so does that make me the bad guy?

She's young. I understand she makes you happy. Sometimes I can't believe you're walking away. Like the years together are erasable. Like my tears are invisible. I hear the bell tolling for the death of our love.

It was the mood swings that slapped the rose colored glasses of off my eyes. The way you'd run away from me. The calls taken outside in the freezing cold. All the signs pointing me down this lonely road.

So who's the bad guy here? I blame you for cheating. You blame me for berating you. Whose good? And whose evil? I like to turn your whites pink, so does that make me the bad guy?