i'm playing at work, wishing i had a good book; debating w/myself about the current state of my life; what's wrong & what's right; i don't know anymore; i keep walking into closed doors; w/no where to go, i greive the parts of me that never got to be.
....
i'm dwelling on the past; the love i had that didn't last; it's all slipping through my fingers, like sand through the hour glass; why & how go unanswered; it's just the way it is; no more blame to place; only memories to tease me about what might have been.
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my heart burns when it's yearning to be loved; when at night the lonliness surrounds me & it's silence is drowning me; i think, is this the 1/2 way mark; am i on a down hill slide? do i try to recapture what i miss? or stay cold, wrapped up in my pride?
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why is it so hard to tell someone you still love them? is it the years that have gone by? or the fear they'll laugh at you? i just want to taste his kiss one more time; and have it take me back to 17, when life was easier.
.. ..
it was the 2 of us; wrapped up in each other; that 1st love is like no other; wild; free; passionate; intense; covered in youth; dipped in stupid and totally unrealistic fantasies; nostalga washes over me & sweetens my dreams.
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