In Progress

i hear myself through others ears
i see myself through others eyes
i want to realize i'm not who i think i am
but i can't keep from picking myself apart
it's hard to stop once it starts
i can't pick the age from the years
it's all interconnected to my fears

please don't take what's on the outside
and assume it's what i see in my mind's eye
somewhere along the way i picked up shadows
and they magnify everything i hate about me
now i'm trying to grasp that i lie to myself
i see the way i keep myself off limits
it's all tied to my deepest committments

i am tuning into a new frequency
it's more upbeat and easy going
time is slow to catch me up
but i want to follow this new road
write a new map upon my torn soul
there are detours threatening my recovery
it's an apathy i can't control rolling over me

you seem to want to shake me up
you can't stomach my self pity
but you can't pick me up
i have to want to pick myself up off the floor
your patience will be tested
my growing confidence stressed
i see a list of sins confessed

the question i ask is can i change
when i've failed here so often
the door of change neglected
i need proper guidance
and a firm hand on my doubts
when going through the darkness
i'm merely a work in progress