Womanhood Undone

i feel trapped inside a time bubble where
i'm frozen at 23 the clock stopped on Jan.
25, 1996 and i don't want to move, i don't
want to change. i want to be back there
in her hospital room holding her hand as
her last breathe escaped into oblivion

am i a woman now thati've seen death
am i a woman now cause i've been fucked
am i a woman now cause i've given birth
am i a woman now cause i pay taxes
am i a woman now ... i don't know

i see other females my age and younger
they look so together, energetic, bursting
with life, accomplishing so much and
moving forward with friends, family,work
and i sit back knowing i don't fit in

am i a woman now that i've got a career
am i a woman now that i vote
am i a woman now that i married
am i a woman now because my husband left me
am i a woman now....i don't know

inside i feel immature and lost
i'm confused on how to respond
i'm scared to speak up and
offer an idea. i sit to the back
i nod my head but don't hear their
words. i await my oblivion.

am i a woman now that i hurt
am i a woman now cause i feel
am i a woman now cause i'm over 30
do i not get to play and laugh anymore
i'd trade all this woman crap for one bright sunny day
of my child hood, i miss looking at the world
as it's a mystery to be conquered.
am i a woman now that i know the world is fucking nuts?