Everyday Miracles

You belong to me is what you say
I say there’s no one else I want to be with
It’s that simple when were together
The world takes second place
When it’s you and I face to face
I can’t help but wonder what I did so right
To make you love me
To make you mine

Let’s look back inside the turning of the clock
To the moment we met
When it looked impossible to love another
As much as we do now
Let’s see the miracle
The everyday miracle of our love as it is today

You never thought you could make it
I never thought I would want to try
But here we are together
And I have never felt so complete
There’s no where else I’d rather be
And no one else I’d rather see
It’s beautiful and perfect
It’s so simple, this everyday miracle

Stop and Think

Let’s stop and think
Just for a second
That’s not a very long time
To reconsider what you are about to say
A split second of time
To prevent blowing your future into dust
Stop and think before you open that mouth of yours
Words wound permanently
I know you’re hurt and you’re angry
I know I have been insensitive to you
And it shows
But stop and think
Stop and think
Before you end it all
Before you close the door on our hopes and dreams
Stop and think of the happy times
Stop and think of our love
Stop and think just one last time
Please stop
Please think
Before you say ‘goodbye’

Everybody Knows

Pretty pink polish on her little toes
Pretty blue eyes and a cute upturned nose
She’s beautiful today
And she knows she’ll be gorgeous when she grows up
And it shows
In her smile
In her giggle
In the way she flips her hair
She’s a woman in waiting
Eager and confident to discover her charms
She knows the boys will love her
When she gets all grown up
She’s learning the walk
And someday she’ll get down the talk
It goes by so fast
Mommy’s little girl loves dolls today
But mommy knows it will go away
No more little girl ways
She’s beautiful in every way
And tomorrow she’ll be gorgeous
Everyone knows

Careful

There’s a truth hidden deep in every heart
Buried beneath lies and misconceptions
With charm planted up on top to cover up the rough spots
Your caught somewhere in the middle
Of who you are and who you want to be
The path is tricky, steep, and dark
Careful not to slip and fall

Careful not to lose it all
No one knows and no one would care anyway
All you want is a little love
But you’re so misunderstood
Careful are they’ll see that you want more
Careful are you’ll get burned

Thoughts speed by on this roller coaster life of mine
I scream my lungs out and at the end of the ride
I don’t have a voice to tell you why
It’s a vicious circle of ½ truths and little white lies
A pinch of misdirection
A smidgen of diversion
And you’re safe again
A mask of perfection
Careful not to drop it

Careful not to lose it all
No one knows and no one would care anyway
All you want is a little love
But you’re so misunderstood
Careful are they’ll see that you want more
Careful are you’ll get burned

Be careful to protect yourself
Don’t get your hopes to high
You’ll just be disappointed in the end
Be careful or every one will discover your only human
Discover you want love
Just like me and just like them
So be careful…

Every Time

I can’t hide what I feel inside
Everyone knows I love you
I wear my heart upon my sleeve
But you don’t notice how my heart bleeds

Every time you look my way
Every time my tongue gets in the way
Every time I don’t know what to say
You back away
You back away

I try to be so cool
I conceal so many secrets
So what’s one more tucked inside my soul
But somehow everyone knows
Everyone but you

Every time you look my way
Every time my tongue gets in the way
Every time I don’t know what to say
You back away
You back away

I catch glimmers of hope in your eyes
Or is that my own desire
Reflecting back on to me
I don’t know what I really see
But I want so badly to be with you

I am told young love fades
And time will drive these blues away
I desperately want to believe it’s true
But I am so helplessly in love with you

Every time I look your way
Every time my tongue gets in the way
Every time I don’t know what to say
You back away
You back away

I am so devoted
I am in so much pain
So many secrets that I hold inside
But everyone knows how I feel
Everyone sees it
Everyone but you…

Think of Me

If you’re tired, down, and sad
Just think of me
If you’re cranky, mad, and bad
Just think of me
Think of me as your friend
That one person there through thick and thin
The shoulder to cry on
The one to tell you to move on
The one to coax you to smile
And to tell you tomorrow will be better

If you’re sick of the hassle
If you’re sick of the bustle
Just think of me
If you’re fed up
If you’re giving up
Just think of me
Think of me as your friend
The one to keep you going
The one to be there till the end
The person you can talk to
The one that loves your for you

If the world’s closing in
Just think of me
If you feel ugly and blue
Just think of me
Think of me as your friend
Tried and true
The one to lean on
The one to trust
The one to laugh with
And the one to fuss over you

True friends are few and far between
So please don’t forget about me

My Beloved One

I could stare into your eyes all night.
My beloved one.
You’re the fire in my eyes.
You’re the hope in my heart.

Nothing starts without me thinking of you.
My beloved one.
There’s only you on my mind when I dream at night.
You’re my miracle.

Life would be dark without you.
My beloved one.
I can’t pretend I’m Mozart writing perfect music to be remembered forever.
I’m all thumbs.
I mess up a lot.
But you still love me.

You’re still here.
My beloved one.
I couldn’t live without you.
My days would collapse and the nights would laugh.

If you ever left me they’d have to bury me.
My beloved one.
Without you I’d come undone.
Love is fickled.
You can take it or leave it.
You’re the reason why I bother to breathe.

I look into your blue gray eyes and the world grows brighter.
My beloved one.
Let me love you forever.
You’re my priceless treasure.
You’re my universe.
You’re the glue that keeps me together.

I’d shatter into nothingness if you left.
My beloved one, your voice calls to me.
Your laugh is music to my ears.
We can live happily ever after in the middle of the middle class.
I’ll hold you tight.

Your heartbeat against my ear fills me with joy.
My beloved one, stay.
I love you today and I’ll love you tomorrow.
You will always be my beloved one.

I’ll covet every minute I get to share with you.
My Beloved One.
I’ll store up your love to see me through the hard times.
I know one day even you have to fly on your own.

My beloved one, never forget your way back home.

Fat White Girl

Watch me pull this rabbit out of my ass! Gasp! See the fat white girl, she’s such a jackass. Does she think she’ll pass and become a multi-platinum album selling white female rapper? The first to get the accolades and the parades. The one to bring home a Grammy, moon men, and a Oscar. She’s delusional. The girl is losing it.

Lock her up in the suburbs and buy her a mini-van. Get her that husband and 2 and half kids. Don’t forget the dog and the PTA. That’s what that fat white girl’s future is supposed to be. Give it up Blondie! There ain’t nobody want to see you on a stage.

You ain’t even pretty. How you going to get famous ugly? Down another cookie and a dr. pepper, cause every one knows in this biz you need 6 pack abs, a big rack, and a tight ass to get a record deal.

There ain’t no fat people on idol that stay for long. So go back to the burger king and super size those fries then go to the fucking mall. Because fat white bitch that’s where you belong.

I knew

Self absorbed in the negative my ego’s barely registered.
I’m better with food in my mouth. It keeps me out of trouble.
I lie. It’s a simple fact. I open my mouth and out spills insanity.
If I don’t know I make it up. It works but it sucks when I get caught.

I feel that the T.V. hates me. It never tells me anything good.
I change channels all night long, but I find nothing to interest me.
Yet, I don’t turn it off. It’s enslaved me.
I want to see what will be next. I can’t miss it.

If I hear it’ll be Okay one more time I think I’ll scream.
I’ve waited 20 years for okay to come and it hasn’t.
I’ve seen bad and I got to meet worse. Devastation was horrible to me.
Death came and wouldn’t go away without taking half of me with him.
I still touch my pain, it reminds me to feel.

I cry thinking someday I’ll heal, so I keep picking at my scab to keep it fresh and bleeding because I don’t want to forget you.
I look both ways before I cross the street. I pay my taxes.
I dot my I’s and cross my t’s. If there’s a rule then it’s a rule for me.
I don’t dare color outside the lines. My fear of being caught paralyzes me a lot.

I dabble in sin. Never dipping too far in.
But one day I met this man, that’s when I fell deeper, so deep into the well.
You’d think I’d think before I leapt onto him.
I knew better but I still went into never never land holding his hand.
He’s telling me lies and I tell myself it’s truth.

This works until he leaves then I hurt. And he always leaves.
He has to go. His family is waiting for him at home.
Regret upon regret. I’m my own worst enemy.
I’ve done it again to me. My mistakes get grander every time.
What can I say? I have no excuses.
I knew. I knew. I knew.

A Wednesday

A Wednesday has arrived. Friday is within my sight. If I can just make it through the daily grind I’ll be free for a little while.

My life has faded into nothing. I work. I eat. I work some more and then I go home bored. I am too tired to play. I can’t recall the last time I ran for no reason.

I’ve become fat. I live a sedentary life style. I waddle when I walk. My jaws flap when I talk. It’s all too much for me to bare, that’s why I never look in the mirror. I’ve lost sight of me.

I’ve gotten so far past control that I’m in eating overload. I go into this world with good intentions. I never mean to mention the things I say. I’m even superstitious. But it all goes wrong anyway.

The bank won’t let me have my money. The 3 credit bureaus think they are God. I can’t buy a home because I have no self control. Reality really does bite and bite over and over again until your ripped into pieces and bleeding slowly to death. You put out your hand and it gets smacked until it’s red.

I go to church to reach some inner peace but when I can’t give 10% I fill up with guilt. I feel so worthless. My faith isn’t enough to save me. My hopes have fled me.

I drive past the pretty houses all in a row. They taunt me because they’re flaunting how much better life for those people inside of them. My brain screams ‘A house does NOT make a home!’ My demons chant back, “How would you know? How would you know? How would you know?”

I don’t know if it’ll be alright. It’s never a good night. I want to run far away and start over again. Put me in the eye witness protection program, because I’m tired of who I am. I’m so so so tired of who I am!

After 8 pm

8:25PM here I am thinking about you again. In the stillness of the night my mind races. I get caught up in my dreams. So many hopes rest upon your shoulders. I’m sorry I’m not much help. I do all I can from sinking under my despair. It’s all on you. Be strong, I need you. You’re all I have. I hold on tight. I pray I don’t squeeze you to death. Rest easy tonight. Peace comes with the light. Peace comes with the light.

8:30PM here I am wondering what you’re doing. You’re so far away where I can’t touch you. I worry about big things and silly stuff. Are you safe? Are you warm? Did you laugh today? I miss your smile the most. It’s warmth cheered my soul. Now it’s dark and cold. I feel so alone. It’s all on you. Be strong. I need you. You’re all I have. I hold on tight. I pray I don’t squeeze you to death. Rest easy tonight. Peace comes with the light. Peace comes with the light.

8:33PM here I am twirling my hair. I’m closing my eyes and wishing you were here. The day goes by so quickly. I keep my mind diverted from your image, but now is the time you settle in on my mind. My dreams can’t hold me or kiss me or keep me warm. It’s been too long since we’ve touched. I miss you. I love you so much. I remember peace will come with the light. So rest easy tonight. Peace will come with the light.

Useless Desires

Resolution - I have lots of useless desires. They keep me from moving forward. I revolve around fulfilling them. I make lists about them. I save money for them. I dream about them. My life is frozen by my useless desires.

I neglect my needs. All my energy is gone. I sit on my ass all day long. I’ve been entrenched for almost a decade in a sedentary life style. As I’ve tried to stop the expansion of my waistline I’ve sacrificed my self-esteem. No longer is the future this optimistic place to be. I fear heart disease.

How do I gain control when I let my self-discipline leave ten years ago? Who will hold me now? I know I’m beyond hope. Higher and higher I climb on the slipper slope of obesity holding my breath as each medical report hits that I won’t fall right into my grave.

I have run out of excuses to give. My existence teeters on me changing who I let myself become. No book or pill can help me when I won’t help myself. I hate sweat. I hate lettuce. But I also hate being a size 22 and running out of breath just walking to my door.

I’m at the edge of a cliff. Do I jump or do I step back and live? I don’t know what to do and no one else can do this for me. January and New years are coming. Will I stick to the new path or come undone?

I have to break a lot of bad habits. Chocolate is my heroine. Cheese is my alcohol. Pop is my vicodin. It’s got to end before I’m buried 6 feet deep in a damp dark hole. I’ve known this for years, yet the pattern continues.

I eat to soothe, to cheer, to pass the time. I’ve never known hunger. I’ll never be full. Up on the wagon I’ll go. Lock me in and take away the ho ho’s. I’m going to be a bitch. But it’ll get better. God, it has to get better!

Losing You

I forget who you are. You don’t call me anymore. We don’t talk anymore. My hopes grow smaller each day. I’m losing all I remember about you.

Your smile is fuzzy. Your laughter is fading. I can’t remember your touch. I’m losing you.

I feel it so strongly and it’s wrong. I can’t hold on to you. You’re slipping through the cracks of my mind. My heart is getting colder toward you every minute you’re gone.

I’m closing the door on us. Time is destroying us. The stars will be in the night sky for centuries to come, but our love won’t last past the next dawn.

I’ve been neglected and I’m tired of the worry and sick of the waiting. All that I wanted was you here with me so we’d have a chance but with every new day I realize you’re never going to be here with me. And I hate the pain. I’m losing you.

I get static from all my friends and family about you. I had enough doubts on my own without their’s being added on to them. I’m scared to be alone and the longer this takes the more real my fear becomes.

I don’t mean to be pessimistic but it seems pre-destined. We shined so bright and burned so hot that we couldn’t go on forever without blowing up. I’m losing you and it sucks.

Okay

My heart stops when I think of you. All the times I’ve betrayed you in my mind build up inside. I’m ready to crash into the wall and destroy the love we’ve built together. I don’t know why I do things like this.

You’re confused by me as I am. I can’t help myself. I always betray myself. The guilt burns in my soul. It sours all I touch with the stench of failure. I can’t escape myself. I’m sick of doing this to me.

I tell myself all the time to be positive. But a negative thought always comes along. I’m always sorry when I do you harm. But you’re tired of my apologies and you’re ready to move on. I don’t blame you. I never do. It’s me that’s the root of all evil.

I tell myself it’ll be ok. Someday I’ll get it right. I’m not crazy, just lazy. And if I worked on it I could be a better person to be around but it always falls to the ground.

Self-fulfilling prophecies, pre-destined before I talked or walked doomed me to be alone. I tell myself how could God be wrong. I tell myself somewhere there’s someone who’ll get me.

I tell myself everyday I’m not in pain just to get through. I tell myself a lot of things, but it never takes. I never make the cut and I’m always behind. I tell myself someday I’ll be okay. Someday it’ll all be okay.

My World

You’re the light in my life
The day and the night
You’re the one I lean on when times are tight
I can’t think of enough ways to say
You’re my world

When my world ends a new one begins
When there are times of hope
When there are moments of joy
My world of pain seems so far away
When your laughter is in the air
When your smile is shining
That’s when my world ends so a new one can begin

You lift me up when I am down
You help me out when I need it
You are my light in the darkest of nights
I just can’t describe what you mean to me
Words cannot capture your spirit
You are my sun, moon, and stars
You are my world
And I revolve around you

So when I think that the world has ended
I just look at you and a new one begins
So bring the end
And let it take me over
So I can see the birth of your world
And I can feel new again

Giving Up

I am tired and I am weary.
I am alone and I am blue
I searched my heart and came up empty.
It sure is hell being in love with you.
People keep telling me it’s time to move on.
Throw out the old and get on with the new,
But they ain’t ever been in love with you.
Every time I start to let go
There you are begging for one more try
When do I have to draw the line?
I’ve already bleed to death several times

I am tired and I am weary
I am alone and I am blue
I searched my heart and came up empty.
It sure is hell being in love with you.
You think you have finally found someone to love
She’s everything you wanted in a woman
She drives you wild and makes you want more
And the best thing about her is she isn’t me
It’s just like you to make me feel like nothing

I am tired and I am weary
I am alone and I am blue
I searched my heart and came up empty.
It sure is hell being in love with you.
I guess it’s too late to start over
I thought someday you would come around
Realize how much you need me
But I am just kidding myself to think you ever cared
If it isn’t about you then you don’t even notice I’m there
So here we go on this ride of denial
Where everything is nothing and its all smiles
It’s hell to be in love
It sucks to be in love
And I am just giving up on you

Guarentee

I see my future looking into your eyes
I know my heart’s desire is being with you for all time
Walk with me
Talk with me
Join me on this path
I guarantee my love will last

I hear you call my name over the loudest crowd
I feel your touch and the world disappears
Dance with me
Laugh with me
Join me on life’s journey
I guarantee my love will last

I taste the sweetness of your lips against mine
I search your soul and find my lifelong mate
Sing with me
Play with me
Join me on this winding road
I guarantee my love will last

The Reason

Smiles and kisses, Sweetness and Joy
Love and hugs, Laughter and more
I am in love with you
Hopelessly lost in your eyes
Just can’t stop thinking about you
I am mesmerized by your smile
I give up and fling myself into this abyss
I am in love with you
And this world revolves around you
Life doesn’t get any better than this…
I embrace my womanhood
Surround myself in lace and satin
Drown myself in gels and perfumes
Strut down the street
Proud of my body
Proud of my looks

You are the reason
You are the one that has made me come alive
You show me my beauty
You want me for who I am
And that makes me comfortable in my own skin

I feel sexy, bold, and daring
I want to be bad and wild
Dance and tease
I am walking straight and tall
Wearing dainty panties and bras
Painting my toe nails and wearing pretty dresses

You are the reason
You are the one that has made me come alive
You show me my beauty
You want me for who I am
And that makes me comfortable in my own skin

I need to please you
Be your eye candy
Delightful and sinful
Let me make you smile by using my womanly charms
I can’t get enough of this revolution
It’s a new me busting through the enemy line
I have found my feminine side

You are the reason
You are the one that has made me come alive
You show me my beauty
You want me for who I am
And that makes me comfortable in my own skin

Someday

Could time move any slower?
Is this all there is,
The 2nd hand of the clock,
Just laughing in my face?
Never realized how painful my fall from grace would be.
I would have waited for the movie version,
Instead stupid me, decided to jump off the cliff,
Right into the world’s fire.
I got burned alive and crucified by love’s desire.
So I keep running from myself
Telling the mirror that it’s not what it seems
Delusions like these keep me sane.
And still I dream, I still pray, and I still hope
You’ll come back to me someday

I am a heartbroken victim of love’s unending war.
The strife and the turmoil just wear me down even more.
I thought I had it all figured out.
I was so brave and fearless then I found out,
People aren’t always what they seem,
People aren’t always what you want them to be.
And here I am crying in my ice cream laughing,
because I’m pathetic and I know everyone hurts,
but no one could hurt more often then I do
I keep ripping my heart out and giving it away
To idiots that smash it to pieces
And I still dream, I still pray, and I still hope
That you’ll come back again someday

All I want

I can’t eat when you’re upset with me. You talk to me like I can’t feel you but I do. And it makes me so sad because your words drive home the fact you’ll never be mine I have myself every time I lean on you. I tell myself to let go, but I’m holding on. It’s self-destructive, I know, but I can’t stop. Loving you is all I want. You’re all I want. I have you memorized. Your lines deepen when I make you smile. I feel the warmth of your gaze upon my breasts. But the next day those eyes are cold and uncaring. I want to know what you want from me. What do you want me to do? I try to avoid the cliché’s. I bury myself in the work, it soothes me. I’m trapped within my thoughts. I’m hurt, but you’re playing victim. You say I expect too much and maybe I do. But it’s because I need you near me. I miss you holding me. When you push me away it causes me so much pain. When all I want is to love you. Why won’t you let me love you?

Bravo

I can’t take anymore. I’m up in the clouds and we’re floating around with no worries and in an instant I’m face down on the ground. Broken and bruised and barely breathing and you’re gone.

I never saw it coming.

The wind changed so fast. I believed every promise that our love would last. Bravo, what a great performance!

I waited with anticipation for every line. You’re the great deceiver baby. Bravo, you fooled me into loving you. Bravo! I’m losing everything.

I’m nice and warm lying in bed next to you lost in the sweetest dreams and then darkness creeps in. Then a cold chill wakes me up and you’re gone. I never saw it coming. You gave me no warnings. Every night you held me close to your heart.
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

I'm Not Done

You think I’m a fool. The way I fawned over you. You took my affection and left me with your rejection. I feel your poison killing me. As you move on my blood seethes. My veins are overflowing with your disease. My anger boils out of control, it’s bitterness on my tongue. I swear I’m not done.

You’ll pay. One day I’ll make you pay for what you’ve done. I’ll catch you soon and nail your balls to the ground where you stand. You’ll pay for what you did to me. You were cold and cruel. Like leaving was as easy as breathing for you. You already had a little something on the side. You were biding your time. I ignored all the signs. I stood frozen to the spot when you walked out at 2 on the dot.

My heart hurts. My eyes weep. My stomach hurls at the thought of you touching her curls. I feel the rage taking over and I’m ok with it. Because it’s the only way to make you pay. I swear I’m not done. I’ll make you pay someday for what you did to me.

Focus

Stuck inside my mind is your picture.
Every night your image crosses over into my dreams.
My life is missing you!

Every day there’s only half of me to get to know.
I hold onto your memories as tight as I can.
I’m so scared time will erase you from my mind.

I focus on you.
Without you in my heart I’d be nothing and have no one to love me.
I focus on you.
Your laughter and your smile.
The way you believed in me keeps me pulling through.
So I stayed focused on you.

Each year bring the same old shit to my door.
My problems pile up and haunt me.
I can’t move forward anymore.
I’m mired in my own unforgiving soul.
I can’t let go of the past.
I want to let you know I’ll never stop focusing on you.

Without you in my heart I’d be nothing and have no one to love me.
I focus on you.
My thoughts are fragmented and unclear.
I focus on you.
My emotions are unpredictable.
I fear I am losing my grip and that you’re slipping away.
And I’ll never get you back, but I stay focused on you.

I want to stop time now!
Hold it down and hang on to you.
So let the world go on it’s merry way and I’ll pass the days focusing on you.
I’ll stay here focused on you.

Lonely Days

I’m so lonely these days. My heart is wasting away. I sit in my house too afraid to leave. I’ve been hurt before. I make a list to see what I should do. I see the risks in black and white. I can’t talk.

I’m caught between what I want and my fears. Please come and get me out of here. I need someone to love. I want a hand to hold and occasional hugs. I’m starved for attention. But I’m scared of rejection. I need someone to love.

The Good Guy

I have power in my hands.
I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
There’s so much blood on my hands at this rate they’ll never be clean again.
I’m supposed to be the good guy.

The one who saves the day.
But I can’t be there always, so I get all the blame.
I’m supposed to be the good guy.

The one who does the right thing.
But it’s hard to tell right from wrong these days.
I have to be perfect but I never am.
Everyone who watches me never sees me the way I am.
The expectations of the world are crushing me.
The publics favor twists in the wind.
I’m supposed to be the good guy.

My life is complicated.
I hold my feelings in.
I’m afraid to show who I love how I feel.
I have to pay the price every time I do.
My loved one’s suffer for me and they’ve done nothing wrong.
I want to walk away.
I want to throw it all away.
But at the end of the day.
Here I am and I’m supposed to be the good guy.