The Good Guy

I have power in my hands.
I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
There’s so much blood on my hands at this rate they’ll never be clean again.
I’m supposed to be the good guy.

The one who saves the day.
But I can’t be there always, so I get all the blame.
I’m supposed to be the good guy.

The one who does the right thing.
But it’s hard to tell right from wrong these days.
I have to be perfect but I never am.
Everyone who watches me never sees me the way I am.
The expectations of the world are crushing me.
The publics favor twists in the wind.
I’m supposed to be the good guy.

My life is complicated.
I hold my feelings in.
I’m afraid to show who I love how I feel.
I have to pay the price every time I do.
My loved one’s suffer for me and they’ve done nothing wrong.
I want to walk away.
I want to throw it all away.
But at the end of the day.
Here I am and I’m supposed to be the good guy.

O

O, how you leave me breathless.
O how you make me lose control.
The way you make me feel is more then I’ve ever felt before.
You’ve cast your spell on me.
I’m trippin’ like I’m on E.

I’m so warm and fuzzy inside.
This is the first time in a long time I’ve been this happy.
You worked your magic on me.
You opened my eyes to a whole new me.
Every time I smile I have you on my mind.

I’ve never been this happy.
I’m way too perky.
It’s your style and flair.
The way I feel you when you aren’t here.
Sometimes it creeps me out.
Sometimes it freaks me out.

O, how you make me feel.
O, how you make me lose control.
It’s more then I’ve ever felt before.
I can’t run from it.
I can’t get around it.

Every where I go I know it.
Every one I see can’t stop this effect you have over me.
But deep inside there’s a voice whispering to me, O, how I worry now.
I can’t be this happy forever.
But it’s too late to turn away.
You got me in your fire.
I’m caught up in this desire.

Good Girl

I feel so sad
So heavy and bad
If I am a good girl do I get to go to Heaven?
Do I get to see you in Heaven?
Why am I alone?
Drifting aimlessly
Like a unwanted garbage barge
Just feeling so sad
So heavy and bad
If I get better do I get a ticket to heaven?
Will you be there waiting for me in heaven?
Why can’t I feel you anymore?
Everything is so cold
I just want to know
Are you proud of me?
And do you miss me?
I miss you
I miss you
Do you miss me?
Or is heaven too beautiful for you to care anymore
Does heaven take away the pain?
I feel so sad
So heavy and bad
If I try real hard can I be forgiven?
If I wish with all my might
Will God let me into heaven?
So I won’t miss you anymore
So I won’t be sad anymore
I want to go to heaven
But I feel so sad
So heavy and bad
If I am a good girl…

Circling

I watch the colors flashing
Red green red green
The numbers change one by one
I watch the digits climbing
Lost within these reflections of mine
Hypnotized by life’s misery
I keep walking down empty roads
Circling the solution that could fix it all
I see nothing ahead
But I don’t look up or down
I don’t glance side to side
It’s straight ahead to hell for me

I watch the colors flashing
Red green red green
My heart beats in time to their melody
I can’t keep fighting this
Loneliness that creeps into my veins
Missing the point each time
I am blind
I am deaf
Yet here I stand seeing and hearing what I want to see and hear

The Birthday

Happy Birthday to Me. Happy Birthday to Me.
Another year for me to fear.
Another tear for me to cry.
Another smile for me to force.
Happy Birthday to Me. Happy Birthday to Me.

I ate the cake. I opened the cards.
I see the wrinkles. I am tired.
I got spanked and my butt itched.
Oh, it's a another birthday for me.

Happy Birthday to Me. Happy Birthday to Me.
Another year to try and lose more pounds.
Another attempt to date.
Another round of denials and excuses
Happy Birthday to Me. Happy Birthday to Me.

Que Sera Sera

Plans are made and things are looking good to you
And then at the last minute it all falls through
That’s the way it is
That’s the way it goes
And no one knows what it means
When life decides to laugh in your face

He smiled at you and you smiled back
He didn’t stop and you didn’t turn around
Just two people scared to death to fall in love
Another day and another door slams on your toe
That’s the way it is
That’s the way it goes
And no one cares what it means
When life spits on your shoes

You’re late to work and the deadline is past
You’re called a slacker and loser
You just can’t pay all the bills this month
The car’s going back to the shop
You’re so behind the curve
That’s the way it is
That’s the way it goes
And no one says Tomorrow won’t be so bad
When life thinks your time has come

Everybody is dazed and confused
That’s the way it is
That’s the way it goes
Que Sera, Sera
When life happens to pass you by
When your life isn’t what you thought it would be
That’s just life’s way

Raspy

Raspy
Hoarse and corrosive
Abrasive and rude
I awake from my dream
Reality lies before me
Forceful and demanding
Confusing and listless
I runaway
I hide from him
Seeking and questioning
Knowing and betraying
My love
Destroyed
My soul
Barren
My heart
Raped
I cry for help
Raspy noises escape
My throat uncooperative
He finds me

The Road

Driving into the night under the vast black satin sky
Stars sprinkled across its canvas
I sit and ponder what just happened
You said Goodbye and Here I am crying into the night

I pass a sign telling me where I am
There are signs telling me where I’ve been
Signs about dangerous curves ahead
I saw no signs that you and I were going to end
You said Goodbye and here I am crying into the night

The road lulls me
The hum of the engine comforts me
My thoughts follow the bends in the road
I wish I had windshield wipers on my eyes
Because I’m crying like a hard driven rain
Here I am crying into the night

I am lost without a place to pull over and ask for directions
I am broken down and there’s no tow truck to call
I am wrecked but there’s been no collision
I have blown it and my tires are fine
You said Goodbye
You said Goodbye…

Good Today

I feel good today
Let us play
I feel good today
Don’t snow on my day
I feel good - - I feel good

Snow drifting down out of sullen gray clouds
Cold being drilled into every bone
By indifferent winds
Slipping and sliding on invisible icy streets
I woke up mentally ahead
I drove 2 ½ hours to get 10 miles
But I won’t let Mother Winter win
Even though Mr. Groundhog saw his shadow
I won’t give in

I feel good today
Let us play
I feel good today
Don’t snow on my day
I feel good - - I feel good

Unworthy

Blood Shot Eyes
Glazed over
Hypnotized by the glimmering screen
Flecks of light dance across the pupil
I am subjected to learning
The light burns bright
Burning day and night
My pupil dilates to adjust
I am under the curve
I AM UNWORTHY!!!

Shaking hands
Missing the keys
Spelling every word bad
Quivering
Pausing
Held in anticipation
I cannot finish my task
I am uncompleted

Red Tape

I’m sitting in limbo floating outside myself suspended from time as I watch the world pass me by. This black hole I fell into leaves me depressed and lonely. All I want is for you to hold me. What paper do I fill out for that to happen?

I’d sign it today. What’ the next step? Where do I go now? Is there another line for me to wait in? Another place to call? I’d move the moon to the sun if I thought it would get you here.

Tell me my next step and I’ll take it. Anything for you. I look around and I see every where we should be. My hopes are up in the air. Government agencies are trying to shoot them down. But I can’t stop loving you. I made a commitment to see this through, however long it takes.

No matter how deep the pain or how many times I cry. Please give me the next step. What the next step in this madness? Direct me. Show me the line. I’ll wait until I die.

Hand me the paper and I’ll sign it in blood. This is real. No games for me. Tell me my next step and I’ll take it. I’ll do anything for you.

The Way

If I find you would you let me walk beside you?
Am I responsible for my thoughts?
I’m led into dark places with confusing chases.
I keep screaming for you, but you walk the other way.
You walked the other way.

Some say I watch too much T.V.
I get a blank expression and I become it’s slave.
I say it helps me forget how bad it sucks today.
If I don’t watch the news I can keep it that way.

I’ve been searching for years for the one to ignite my inner desires.
I’ve taken detours.
I’ve crashed and burned a few times.
So many false starts and too many dead ends and then I bumped into you.
And I thought I was finally on my way.

The sky opened up and the sun rained down on me.
I heard angels singing your praises.
I could hardly breathe.
My journey was over.
My love’s been discovered and he’s more precious then gold.
You are the only way.

Some say it won’t last that you’re too good to be true.
And I’m being a fool.
I say I believe in you.
I’d rather have faith then be alone.
I know they’re wrong.
They have to be wrong.
We’re walking down life’s path hand in hand into eternity on our way.

I see my future in your eyes.
You never disappoint me.
My whole being feels your desire.
I’ll never take you for granted.
And you’ll do the same.
It's our way.

Delay my Day

Press the snooze again.
I try to delay the start of the day.
My dreams are too sweet to leave.
If I could only sleep my life away then I wouldn’t have to face that it sucks to be me.

I’m so sick of the rat race.
I’m losing myself to this place where I don’t know from day to day if I can pay all the bills and feed my kid.
My life has hit the skids.
It sucks to be me.
I’ll say it again, it sucks to be me.

I have no luck.
I trip and stumble over everything all the time.
My charms do so much harm that they’d set off a fire alarm.
It really does suck to be me.

Negative Perception

I have a negative perception of myself. I hate all within myself. I build myself up so I can tear myself down. My self-inflicted misery is all I have left of me. I look in the mirror and all I see is me and it scares me so.

I’m so good at being sad. I’m so depressed I never get dressed. I take away all the layers and expose the pain. Cover me in misery. I’m best when I detest me. I take self-loathing to new levels. I’m narcissism in reverse. All of my picture have the eyes poked out. I can’t even talk about all my self doubt.

You Were Mine

I turn the page and wipe the tears from my eyes.
One more day without you.
It’s a heavy cross to bare.
Looking at your pictures my heart swells with bittersweet pride, because you were mine.
You were mine.

It seems long ago and far away those days we laughed and loved.
The sun would catch the highlights in your hair.
You were so care free.
The world was your play toy.
No one would deny you.
Your smile opened so many hearts and you were mine.
You were mine.

You were snatched away too soon.
My pain goes on unending.
Time cannot heal these wounds of mine.
My heart will never forget you were mine.
You were mine.

Every morning I awoke to your face.
I got to watch you move and your grace always took my breath away.
You were so beautiful.
I felt blessed you were mine.
You were mine.

I could see jealousy in others eyes every time you walked holding my hand.
Our little universe we made up for just the two of us.
The sun was brighter.
The burden’s of life were lighter all because you were mine.
You were mine.

Once upon a time you were mine!

Hear my Heartbeat

Like a flash of lightning against the vast black sky I stand alone, exposed, waiting for you to come home. Your smile imprinted on my brain. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. Not without you here with me.

Those cruel words you spoke. I thought they were a joke. There’s no reason for me to let go when you’re everything I desire. I know what I want and I’ll have you eventually. You can’t escape me.

Every where you go, Every one you meet, I’ll be near enough for you to hear my heartbeat. You’ve been cruising along thinking I’m gone when I’ve been in your backseat all along. You can’t leave me like I’m the trash.

You promised me forever and I’m not giving up until you come through. You’re the fire burning in my soul. When I’m with you I’m alive.

If you want to go I can’t guarantee I won’t stalk you. You’re the one I can’t let get away. You don’t realize we were meant to be. Drop all of your insecurities our love will set us free.

Too Young to Feel so Old

I feel so much older since I last saw this place. The memories have begun to fade. Once upon a time was just a dream. I think I should go. I’m too young to feel so old. My heart is rotting from neglect. I’m hunched over walking alone. I’m too young to feel so old. I feel empty. Hollow inside. I can hear the laughter echo. I shiver and I want to hide. I don’t belong here anymore. I think I should go. I’m too young to feel so old. What I used to feel was so real. Now I mimic what should be there. I don’t know where all my emotions went. I’m walking along remembering I used to be happy. That wasn’t so long ago. I should go. The past is hurting me. I should go. I’m too young to feel so old.

Why O Why?

I’ve lost my focus. My inspiration is gone. My muse abandoned me. I’ve been used and now I’m discarded and bruised. I don’t know what to do. I watch the minutes go by as my fears start coming down mixed within my tears. I’m so petrified at the years I’ve wasted. I fooled myself into believing you meant me no harm. You stranded me. You threw me out of your arms and I hit the dirt hard. It knocked me out cold. I came to and you were long gone. There was nothing I could do. I held my head in my hands amazed at my own stupidity. You said we’d always be friends, but now I’m sitting here alone and I can see I got the short end of the stick, again.

Why O Why did you lie and leave me all alone when you knew that I loved you? Why O Why did you lie, make me cry, and swear to make you miserable? Why O Why can’t I let you go? I want to hunt you down and destroy you. Why O Why did you lie?

You set the stage perfectly. Every performance you gave me was academy worthy. The bate was on your hooks and you reeled me in every time. I was eating up every word you said. I had your bull shit with the fine wine. You left me blind. I didn’t see the punch coming. You took every one of my dimes. You said there was no crime. You conned me legally. I even felt guilty to accuse you. You made me think I was the problem. You sold your shit so well, because I bought all of it. I had pictures of you all over my place which just got foreclosed on today. I tried to look you up to bitch you out, but you don’t exist anymore. You disappeared along with my money. Damn it, you must think you are home free. Bet you already forgot about me. I’ve got a purpose now. It’s to find your sorry ass and take my money’s worth out of it.

Why O Why did you lie?

The Show

I’m just watching the show. I’m taking in all the sites and sounds. I’m lost in the crowd. Nobody knows I’m here. I watch them walk on by. The amazing parade of life. I’m an on-looker. Don’t get close. You’ll block my view. I don’t want to feel. I’m just watching the show! Pass the popcorn. Give me the chips. Get me a soda. I can’t get up I might miss it. Life is my favorite show. I never know what’s going to happen next. Now move. I see an impending event. Leave me alone. I want to just watch the show! Leave me alone. I’m just watching the show. I like being alone in the dark with my remote control. Go away! Let me watch the show.

I am Shattered

You take little pieces of me and if you put them together you'll see there are some pieces missing out of me. I am shattered. I've been torn and scattered. I don't add up to a whole person anymore. I am shattered.

I've given so much of me to you, I don't have all it takes to be myself anymore. I am shattered. I've been broken and discarded. I have ripped corners and lost pieces. I don't know where to look to find me anymore. I am shattered.

I've been tossed aside and pushed down. I got tape wrapped around my heart. I am shattered. There's glue oozing out of my soul. I can't fix myself anymore. I am shattered.

I tried too hard to pretend I didn't need my own identity. I was shallow. I am shattered. I was a cookie cutter image of your fantasy woman. I wasn't real. You weren't satisfied. I am shattered.

You said I had no depth. You wanted a woman that was more than your projection. I had no character. I am shattered. I was purely fiction. You left and my glass world shattered. I am shattered.

I surrounded myself with lies. I dressed up in a pretty disguise. I never considered you'd get tired of your own creation. I am shattered. I didn't have to think. I just asked how high? I didn't need to wonder. I just gave you what you wanted. I am shattered.

I even hid from myself. Who needs personality when you are wearing a huge diamond ring? Now I know I am not what you want anymore. I am shattered. I am only physically pleasing to you. I lack intellectual appeal. I am shattered.

You took a walk and I tried to talk and open up to you. You pulled back the veil on your painting and discovered a blob of nothing. I hadn't developed any interests therefore I'm not interesting enough for you. I am shattered. I just repeated what ever you'd say. If you liked something then I'd like it too. I don't know what I don't like. I am shattered.

I am just a shadow in heels. You finally saw a completed picture. And you left me. I am shattered. I threw the glass world you gave me at your back and it shattered. What is up is down and what is down is up. I don't know what to wear anymore because you haven't picked it out. I am shattered.

I am confused. I am naked. I am battered. I am shaken. I am raw. I am exposed. I am cold. I am alone. I can't think. I am overwhelmed. I am shattered. And finally I can live because now I'm shattered.

Pander to Me

Cookies, cakes, brownies and pies are all the things I love
Chocolate, Dr. Pepper, donuts and ice cream are all the things I crave.
Mac and cheese, cheesy fries, cheese coneys, and a big bacon classic with cheese are all the things that go straight to my hips.
These lips of mine keep sinking me deeper into this quagmire of fat.
I’m stuck in a vicious calorie cycle. Gluttony for one coming up.

I want my baby back, baby back ribs.
Where’s the beef?
Hershey’s is happiness?
B O L O G N A?
Be you, do what you do!!!

I hear it everyday. I see it everywhere. Pander to me. Pander to me.

Sell me what I don’t need.
Brainwash me to believe I have to caress before I dress.
And that calgon will take it all away.
Credit cards are the way to pay.
Yes, yes, it’s the American way.

Pander to me. Pander to me. Pander to me. I like it that way.

Everything is Still the Same

Life keeps kicking me in the ass. I never get enough to catch up, let alone, get ahead. I just paid Peter and Paul’s knocking on my door. My tax return was bogus, not enough to keep the lights on. I got doubled taxed while the rich man got richer. Wyoming sounds nice let’s go there to abandon all material possessions. We can live off the land. No, I forget Ted Turner and Hollywood bought all the land up there.

I’ll just dig my hole here and bury myself up to my hair. I’ll pretend to ignore the world and they will forget about me. You’ll see. One more working schmoe gone, but so many 1,000’s willing to work on. You can’t see me, you only see my hair. And I don’t care. Nope, I don’t care. Now I’m sitting on the toilet thinking about my lack of opportunities. Wondering if I can buy more toilet paper, pay the rent, and buy groceries. Electricity is important in sub-freezing weather. Having a car is required to go to work when there’s no subway.

I’m caught between broke and necessity. How do I pick which bill to pay when all are important? I get so frustrated. Crime is tempting. I swear I would be clever, but not today. Everything is still the same.

Top of the World

I went to the top of the world. I looked around. Then I turned you down. How do I get ahead by sleeping around? No thank you. I’ve done been down that route. I got one path calling to me, it’s the one where I be myself. It’s rocky and I fall a lot. I get scraped and bruised and I learn a little bit at a time. But I keep climbing on it finding my own way back to the top of the world just being me.

Sacrifice unselfishly to do it my way. I can’t compromise this time. I look stupid from where you’re sitting. But the world’s mine for the first time it’s working for me. I can see a future clear as day. I got a plan it’s one day at a time. I do what needs to be done. Along the way I found someone. I was hiding behind your shadow afraid to bask in the sun. I’ll pass the flask of freedom on. I got enough to keep me strong. I’ll reach my goals just being me.

I’m free and wild. I’m confused and smiling. I’m looking towards the horizon hoping my dreams come true just being me. I don’t know who else I can be. I may not always like me but I know me and one day I’ll see it wasn’t all bad and it wasn’t all good but I got there doing things my way. What’s wrong with being me? I’m finally free. My façade is crashing down. It feels so good to let it all hang out. Pretending for you was wearing me out. I was forgetting my beliefs. I was losing my dreams. I am clawing my way back from the cliff. I see me, it’s been too long. You had me all wrong.

I’m the one that got lost. But now it’s better. I walked out on my own terms. I tore apart the chains you had me in. I will succeed or I will fail but I will do it just by being myself. All I can ever be is me.

Crossing Over

I’m crossing over to you. I’m crossing over to get through. You’ll never know what I’ve had to do to cross over to you. Years keep flying by. Everyday is just like the other. Time is slipping through my fingers. I’m losing you. I don’t know what to do. Fate’s a cruel prankster. I thought we had it made. But maybe we weren’t meant to be. I’m making one last attempt to show you what you mean to me.

Bridges get burned and heart’s get broken all the time. Our situation is nothing new, but I’m not giving up hope. I want to save us. I want to keep us in love. Show the world a happy couple can survive today. I want you to realize were made of stronger ties. Love binds us for all time. I’m rebuilding that bridge one brick at a time.

Tell me you still believe in miracles. Let me see that sparkle in your eye. Fires can rekindled. Our love is true. Let me convince you I’m for real. I’ll cross any barrier just to be with you.

Bad Day

I’m having a bad day
Just go away
Leave me be to my insanity
Society has crushed my self – esteem
Every magazine I read says
I shouldn’t look like me
Every TV show I see
Is telling me I shouldn’t act like me
When did being me get to be so wrong
Where did being an individual get gonged
You want the pretty face
The perfect body
The woman to match every hottie on MTV you see
But that ain’t me
I’m curvy, bubbly, and lovable
Cute, cuddly, and huggable
But I don’t match
I don’t wear watches and rings
I’m not pretty enough for you anyways
Every one knows what is in
But what’s in isn’t who I am
I do what I like
And wear what feels good
That just being me
What I wear isn’t in the fashion zines
It’s not being catwalked in Milan
It’s just sweats, shorts, and jeans
T-shirts and nail polish
What’s a woman got to do
To get a man to see what’s true
Every day woman don’t have a stylist
I am just lucky to get my hair to lay flat
Society has wrecked my chances
I am too far outside the norm
When will you recognize
A woman like me is perfect for a man like you?