Weekend

cram it all in,
keep your head down,
and race the clock to get ahead.
your whole world holds its breath
in antcipation of a long weekend.

don't ask any questions,
they'll just open confusion's door.
5 pm is the goal.
sooner is better, later is not an option.
you have plans and hopes for this weekend.

the work week sucks you dry.
the light dims behind your eyes
you need down time to unwind,
to live your passions,
and regnite the light inside.

you give more then you have.
it's time to take some back.
kick back and relax,
let the world spin without you for a minute.
nothing will explode if you don't open your e-mail.
the weekend is here
and it doesn't last forever.

no one expect more from you then you do.
cut yourself some slack.
life is brief and eternity is endless.
pick and choose your moments
and keep the weekend for yourself.
you've earned it so enjoy it!

Deformed

i am deformed.
my scars are too big to hide.
their ugliness fills others with shame.
they avert their eyes away from me.
cut me, dissect me, take me apart
they try so hard to find my soul,
but it escaped from me a long time ago.

emotions bounce around me.
my emptiness swallows the sounds.
i have tried to hide in plain sight,
but someone always finds me out.
i don't belong.
i am not normal.

i've never experienced perfection.
my life is more instant karma then walking on sunshine.
i get kicked even after i am already down.
i can't recall a happy ending.
there has always been someone ruining it.

i am deformed.
my heart has turned to stone.
i've passed on many opportunities,
those people reaching out to fix me.
analyze me, medicate me, pray for me
they try so hard to reach my soul,
but its not home, it abandoned me a long time ago.

A Perfect Afternoon

the wind is blowing through me,
like an invisible lover, it caresses me.
i raise my head towards the sunshine.
i close my eyes and savor the warmth.
i've been so cold for too long.

i inhale deeply the scent of summer air.
i walk barefoot on the damp grass.
i had forgotten how it tickles.
i've missed the leaves on the trees
and how it seems they are whispering to me,
when the wind blows through them.

the rain has stayed for far too long.
the dirt no longer can hold it all.
the clouds move quickly,
like they are in a hurry to pass me by.
i know the weather will be changing soon.
here in Ohio it always does,
but i'm enjoying this, a perfect afternoon.

Back Home

every fall i hear the call to go back home.
where i know all the back roads.
i take it all for granted
that i'll always be wanted back home.

the place and his face are showing their age.
i can't replace either of them.
the thought of either coming to an end distresses me,
but i know nothing and no one lasts forever.

i want to go back home.
where there are wide open spaces,
familiar friendly faces,
and a place to call my own.

i'm tired of seeing lights instead of stars.
the smell of gasoline,
the noice of traffic rumbling,
and people overflow everywhere i go.
all of this makes me miss the quiet back home.

back home the night is truly black,
the stars shine brightly,
and the crickets sing their songs loudly.
there's a peace and a calm that I only find back home.

sitting on a porch swing, drinking lemonade,
and watching the flowers grow seemed so mundane,
but now that i'm older,i find it quaint.
as every year goes by, i want to drive back home to stay.

i couldn't wait to leave.
the little town was suffocating me.
i thought bigger was better, but i was wrong.
nothing here makes me feel better,
but when i go home i feel settled.

my new goal is to go back home.
i want to be close to the earth
and mess around in the dirt.
i want to remember to enjoy every minute
before it is gone.
i'm going back home!

My Beloved

i'm writing this instead of calling you.
i think you've destroyed me.
all my desire is gone.
i am cured of hope.
faith has forsaken me.
i can't help but think of you.
i know you've heard it all before
and i'm letting you fight your own war.

if you're hurting so am i.
i don't want to make you love me,
but i'd forgive it all,
if you could just love me a little bit.

i scared you and i scared me too.
i just don't want to close the door on us.
i was so disappointed that you didn't want more with me.
i had hoped time would bring you around.
i am confused.
and i'm hurt, but one day i hope you realize,
you don't have to look anymore,
because i'm right here waiting on you.

i should try to give you a little more.
i should've seen it coming.
i guess my loving you wasn't enough.
i'm slowly getting my closure.
you took a hammer to my heart
and killed the best parts of me.

i doubted your resolve.
i know i'll get over you.
but i don't think i'm ever going to open up again,
the way i opened up to you.
you know all my secrets.
i guess that's why it hurts so much!

Ten Minutes

you're sticking to me closer then the plague on my teeth.
you're spreading over my life like a contagious disease.
we met for ten minutes and i can't get rid of you!

everything changed in one heart beat.
a chance meeting, two hearts beating,
there are pheromones in the air,
eye contact made, chemistry collides,
smiles exchanged, coy under currents,
but the moment passes in a second.

i keep seeing you every where i go.
i ponder, can there be so many coincidences?
at first i would smile, then i would nod,
but after awhile, you became part of the scenery.
a flight of fancy or just a road not taken.
another part of a boring routine.

the tragedy erupts and unfurls furiously.
a rush to judgement in the name of justice.
it's all the contemporary rage,
run his undies up the flag pole.
declare your victory now the evil is gone.

pile up the evidence and put away your conscience.
backed into a corner you fought it out.
no one blames you for what you had to do.
so why can't you eat?
and why when you close your eyes,
you are back to those ten minutes?

he'll haunt you for the rest of your life.
a random stranger latched on to you
and your whole peaceful world came unglued.
ten minutes was all it took
to know how it feels to go to hell and back!

Brickwall

wrong is wrong
right is right
how simple
how strong

somewhere along the road
confusion set in
logic fled
and you heart turned cold

black is black
white is white
how obvious
how clear

once upon a time we loved
the signals got lost
you got turned around
and i hit a brickwall

love is love
life is life
how sweet
how easy

i couldn't see what i had
you couldn't wait for nothing
our tower of lies crumbled
and we destroyed each other

a rose is a rose
a thorn is a thorn
how true
how pure

today i see it all clearly
like i couldn't see it before
i was scared
and you believed me when i told you i didn't love you anymore.

good bye is forever
the truth is a lie
how final
how me

it takes only seconds
to rip apart years
i want you second
and you were right to leave

Randomness

i have found strength when i thought i had none.
i took a leap of faith when i fell in love with you.
my past stunted my growth,but my future has appeared.

why can't i be brilliant?

i think it is time to get back on the horse.
i need to lasso my imperfections,
put the proverbial horse back in the barn.

i remember what matters.
i have to learn to want what i already have.
perfection and human are contradictions.

all my random thoughts tackle me.
peace has come at last.
i succumb to the darkness within me.
now it is time to sleep.

The Gnat

out of the blue, you decide to clear the air.
you lay out before me all your errors.
the curtains are pulled back
and i see your reflection in my eyes.

you tell me, i'm the answer to your prayers.
you bring me poppies and chocolates.
i think it's time for my daddy to have a chat with you.

you show me my name tattoo'd over your heart.
you show me us in pictures where we are laughing
like a happy family,
but it doesn't change what you did.

your unfaithfulness is like a gnat,
it flies around us, and we are just waving it off,
but we can't kill it.
i ease back in the recliner.
i'm trying to find the right words,
but i'm overwhelmed with my disappointment in you.

you see the light leave my eyes.
i think we are both surprised.
i'm not angry.
i think we just ran out of love.

i'll help you pack.
you can tell everyone we ran out of steam.
there is no one to blame.
we can just quietly fade away!

Rerun

you run around screaming mine
like a dog chewing on its favorite bone.
you could pee on everything you own.
it's not going to stop me from going home.

i've seen all i need to see.
you have issues that really bother me.
you treat yourself like a king
and the whole world is here to please you.
i'm not your servant, so see ya!

you started this freak show.
i got caught up in the carnival.
your life is a full circus tent on fire.
i'd rather be married to an elephant
then listen to your bullshit another minute.

i don't need time to reconsider.
you aren't my burden.
you don't have your name in your underwear anymore,
so be a big boy and grow a set.
i didn't sign on to be your mother!
you don't get it.

i'd rather be alone
then be expected to bow to you.
so, go back to the web
and lie about yourself again.

your looks get you bites to reel the women in,
but the bait and switch that you do
will end up just like this;
you lying, her saying good bye loser,
it's a story you've lived hundreds of times before.

here's a toast to your happy ending.
i tip my hat to your unending quest
to find a woman whose so broken and blind
she'd love you for the rest of her life.
i'm changing the channel.
i've already seen this rerun!

Vacation

i'm clueless when it comes to men.
i'd rather be lonely then end up with him.
i set the bar too low.
i'm just amazed at how low it can go.
i'm listening to a foreign language
trying to make sense of it,
but it's giving me a headache.
i want to shut down my brain.
i think that would get rid of all my pain.

i'd point the finger at the person to blame,
but i would just be pointing at myself.
i need to find a new way to cope.
the pills and the booze aren't getting it done.
i need to run away from myself.
a vacation from my own neurotic tendencies,
that would be perfect, as long as i went without me.

i spin myself in circles.
i cover the same ground over and over.
i need a change of pace.
a new place with no memories.
i could look around without being haunted,
but i'm broke, so getting away is a joke.
i'll just buy a pretty painting and
jump into to it instead.
that is the closet i'll get to escaping from here.

Another Person

monday afternoon and i'm sitting at work
with nothing to do, wondering how i'll make do,
life threw me under the bus.
i yelled and cussed, but nothing brings you back,
so i hunker down to wait out the pain;
hoping another will come along and sweep me away.
i wish i was another person.

i send up a prayer to the big man upstairs
asking if he'll put my heart together again,
but all it does is rain. so i think he doesn't know my name.
even God thinks i'm lame.
i'm convinced if the sun would shine,
i could set aside this depression of mine,
but mostly, i wish i could be another person.

it's monday afternoon and i'm on my fourth pop.
i'm hoping to never sleep again.
the night isn't my friend, it just bring you back to me,
but only in my dreams.
the mornings are cruel and i don't know what to do.
if only i could be another person,
like the woman you left me for,
yeah, i wish i was her.

Stray Bullet

i'm packing up the emotional baggage you left me
i'm unloading all the crap you piled on me
the sky is clear and blue
there's too much living for me to do
for me to waste away hanging on to you.

good bye, simple and complete.
i've taken your memories and set them free.
i know you no longer think of me.
now it's time for me to say Good bye.

you ripped into me like a stray bullet from a drive by
and now i'm the one picking at the scabs.
i broke myself down, wiped myself clean.
now i'm rebuilding myself better then before.

i'm throwing away the pictures.
i've deleted all the digital links between us.
the sun is shining and it's warm,
i've got myself jazzed to be alive.
there's no more reasons to cry.

good bye, no conditions or exceptions.
i've turned off my misery.
i was struggling like a person on crutches
and it was weighing me down with sorrow.
i feel jubilant and buoyant.
now that i am focused on tomorrow.

good bye to you and your critical world.
good bye to you for good!

Embracing the Small Stuff

i'm finding thoughts that linger.
i'm feeling emotions in slow motion.
my eyes are catching every glimmer of hope.
is this how a microbe feels under a microscope?

i'm seeing every subtle shade of color.
my nose is smelling every scent in the air.
i stare at my hand in wonder as it moves like magic.
the world is like a gift i've just opened.
the best of life is in embracing the small stuff.

i've been lackadaisical in how i live.
i close my eyes and let my ears rediscover
every little sound my home utters.
the sound of a furnace running in May.
the music's melodic twists and turns.
the birds that sing and flutter around confused.
i am embracing every little noise like it's the first time i've ever heard it.

the nuances jump out at me today.
life is a delicate balance
wrapped up in a complicated yet perfect web.
i had feared myself lost to sorrow's kiss,
now i'm reborn with a joyous attitude.

the worry is gone and i feel strong.
doubt tries to insert itself but i resist it.
even if this epiphany is brief,
it's been the freshest breath of air i've ever breathed.
it has brought me tranquility.

i don't know where i'll be in five years,
and for once i don't care about it.
i have found a moment of complete calm
and i'm going to wallow in it,
happier then a pig in mud!