Another's Heartbeat

i want to feel another's heartbeat underneath my ear.
i want to have two loving arms wrapped around me tight.
i want to love.
i want passion.
i want you!

you're driving me crazy.
you sit back and watch my theatrics.
you're so sure where i'm going, but babe you have no idea where i've been.

get closer to me.
i want to kiss your hands and place them on my heart,
so you can feel how another's heart beats in response to your touch.

you're my fuel and i've come to close to empty to let you go.
please baby, stay and love me.

lying here with you in the dark, just us, each caught up in our own thoughts.
the anticipation never is as good as the dreams that haunted our nights.
i feel as if the timer on us just got set.

do you know the sound of a breaking heart?
did you hear the beating of my heart?
it speeds up with your every touch.
i want to be your every breath.

feel me.
hold me.
your control is complete.
you dictate how another's heart beats.
it's your power trip.

will you be there for me?
or should i just write you off?
tell me how you want my heart to beat for you.

A You Free World

you're picking me apart again
my esteem isn't your concern
your love isn't something you want to give to me
losing you could be the best thing to ever happen to me
no more obnoxious curse filled rants
welcome to a new and improved you free world!

questions don't always need to be answered
the universe is full of unlimited possibilities
i need to explore other realms
time may run out on me, but i'll die if i stay where i'm at

the catalyst was your accusations
they outed my doubts into the light
unicorns aren't real and neither is your heart
i released my remaining feelings for you into the air
i already feel 200% better
God doesn't need to be bothered for moments like this
i expect you to never speak to me again

life is a bore when you remain neutral
obvioulsy, i am not taking your side
vex me if it makes you feel better
i'm excited to now be living in a you free world!

It Doesn't Matter

it doesn't matter what age you are when you lose your mother
it doesn't matter if she walks out or if death takes her away
the pain is the same, it lingers and remains

it doesn't matter the memories you have, they'll eventually fade
it doesn't matter how many tears you cry or how much you miss her
she won't be back, it hurts and causes emotional cracks

if i could i would wrap up every memory i have to keep it safe from time's erasing touch
if i had a time machine i'd go back and record every moment so i'd never forget the sound of her voice
if i had one wish it would be to have one more minute to tell her i love her one last time

it doesn't matter now it's been so long and my mind is losing her
it doesn't matter what i want, i can't stop the pain
i can't ease the desire to talk to her one more time, it's a fact and i'll be fine

it doesn't matter that no one can say why we feel this way
it doesn't matter if you understand where i'm coming from
life is never the same, i feel abandoned and lost

if i would've known it was your last day i wouldn't have left the hospital
if i knew that would be your last words to me i'd listened more
if i had been there i'd never let go of her hand when God came for her unexpectedly

it doesn't matter what's done is done
it doesn't matter i'm getting older and my daughter has forgotten her
it doesn't matter that i don't want to let her go

oh, God, why take her from me
oh, God, i miss her more with each passing day

i know the only thing that matters is she's inside of me and my daughter
she's forever mixed into our DNA
when i look into the mirror i reach out and touch her
every year our differences disappear.
it's her love that she gave me that keeps me going and
that is the only thing that matters.

This Monday or Send Up a Prayer

he's got those crazy eyes again
God only know what he's got planned
i wait for the explosion
this is the calm before the storm
i hold my breath and send up a prayer

God, hold on to me
he's got me right where he wants me
i need strength to make this last
i know he's cheating on me
but i love him
so, God, help me find a way to set myself free

this monday started off bad
he came home at 1 AM
we've fought non-stop since then
i'm crying, he's lying
there's no love in this room
i hold my breath and send up a prayer

God, hear my tears
feel my pain across the stars
he's not listening to my pleas
i need you God to give me the right words
he's half way out the door
but i love him
so, God, should i let him go?

Cursed

i'm going to surrender myself to your love.
the sacrifice i make is to lose my heart, but i hope i will be redeemed.
if you disagree all i'll have for company is misery.
i hate to suffer through another broken heart, so let yourself fall in love with me!

i've worked hard to find peace inside of me.
i want to give you everything, but i'm scared you don't feel the same.
it's enough to drive me insane.
life isn't worth living without taking risks and i'm all in for you!

i'm getting a strong sense of deja vu.
the pattern has begun to emerge.
you aren't on the same page as me,
i'm beginning to wonder if we are reading the same book.
you can't figure out where i'm coming from.
when did it become a crime to fall in love!

my stupidity knows no bounds.
i let my heart lead the charge and i've been executed.
you shake your head and wash your hands of me.
you refuse to take any responsibility.
you call me delusional and silly.
my heart shatters and my hopes scatter into the wind.

why is it always over before it even begins?
i get myself all wound up for nothing.
he let the air out of all my balloons.
why am i a toy for so many men?
i throw myself off the steepest cliff, but isn't that what love is?

i can't roll around in the mud of my regrets.
i'm stronger then the latest man to let me down.
i pack up my emotional baggage and put it on a shelf in my closet.
there's alway another one to love around the bend
and i don't ever hesitate jumping in.

i hate that lonliness has become my best friend.
i spend hours trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
i have multiple diagnosis, but no solutions.
love destroys me but i keep crawling back for more.
he was the latest in a long line of failures.
i find men easily, but i can't keep them around!

my heart and soul are bound to tragedy.
am i paying a price for some horrid past?
i never meant to break any hearts.
my tears have disappeared over the years.
i won't forget the words you said to me,
"you're too cold to ever keep a love alive"
i think you cursed me for good because i'm always alone.

Pang of Jealousy

i shot myself in the foot.
i had a pang of jealousy when i saw her with you.
we were supposed to be having fun, leaving our emotions uninvolved.
i find myself wanting more of you, so i'm pulling out before any damage can be done.
i wish i could be the woman that doesn't fall in love, but i'm not wired that way.
you are a man i could easily fall in love with, so now i'm running away from you and you don't even care.

i've taken chances like this before.
i've broken my heart in the past with delusion of more, but now i'm taking my own advice.
i'm backing out your door before your shatter my heart across the floor.
you are passe about the whole thing.
i can't read you at all.
your lack of emotional response has been my wake up call, so now i feel justified in cutting myself free so abruptly.

the physical distance between us is the key in this change.
i can't let you get near enough to touch me.
my flesh would betray me.
my senses revel in the scent of you.
i must stay away from you.
i've imposed my own restraining order.
i have to save myself from how you make me feel.
i won't be able to survive another broken heart.

i can't complain about where i am.
i'm always the woman that ends up alone.
men want to play with me, but not stay with me.
i can't seem to find a man who will love me back.
i've gotten used to being second best, but i don't deserve that.
it's not my pride rescuing me this time.
i could love you with the heat of a million suns.
the chemistry will only take us so far and unfortunately, i want it all!

Let Me Burn

Let me burn.
this house is vacant.
toss away the bad and there's nothing left.
i held onto my past too long and let my future fall inbetween the cracks.

i lack empathy.
i can't find you even when you're in plain view.
if i think about you my heart hurts.
i stopped pretending i didn't love you.

i'm climbing up an endless wall.
i'll never get over you.
i'm growing older.
my excuses are ringing hollow now.
i can't turn it back onto you.

these mistakes define who i am.
i tried to not try and i succeeded with minimal effort.
all i know how to do is avoid you.
i'm packing up all that i am into a small box.
i don't need myself anymore.

i can count the good times on one hand.
the bad times go on without end.
i got one hundred dollars and a gun.
i'll drink myself numb and if that's not enough, i'll use the gun.

i'll shoot every bullet into the ghost of you.
i don't care if it works or not.
my goal is simple enough.
i have to rid myself of my own fears.

tonight i will battle myself.
in quiet reflection of the raindrops,
i'll find the place inside of me not cracked.
i'm going to defeat my own mind.
no one is getting out alive!

Back to the Earth

love is the greatest illusion of all
it makes me come alive when i know i'm already dead inside
the air gets weighed down with its expectations
the night air becomes electric with physical delights
i build up the emotion like a skyscraper
the beams are weak and the glass is breakable
there's a fragility in love's embrace
i see it every time i look over at your place
i embarass myself to show you how i am smitten with you
you're unaffected and my tower crumbles back to the earth

happiness is a futile search
it can't remain still enough to keep
i had it for a second then you went away
i left my heart wide open
your lies caught me by surprise
i see you're no good for me
sorrow's tears flood through me to drown out the hurt
i succumb to the pain
you're oblivious and i bury my happiness, giving it back to the earth.

lonliness clings to my flesh
i don't feel anything anymore
all i do is stare into the now empty air
i had thought we'd be together until my last day
but you always had another way
she's perfect and i'm not her
therefore, you don't want me anymore
i'm trying to make peace with my tragedy
you're callous so i will take this lonliness and use to come back down to the earth.

Ohio Weather

my mood can change faster then Ohio weather.
i know i frustrate you and your patience is almost out,
but i beg you to hear me out.

i've never fallen this fast or this deep.
you've got me swinging on a pendulum between love and fear.
you are perfect for me.
these changes i'm making is so that i'm perfect for you.

the two of us together can be an unbreakable combination.
i want our love to lift us up above our doubts.
you bring out a side to me i had forgotten.
my head spins just thinking of you.

jump into me and i promise to fall into you.
we have to break all the rules.
this kind of heat may burn us, but we won't ever regret it.
take me hard and fast.
touch me everywhere, and i'll lick every inch of you.

tomorrow we will walk past each other like right now didn't matter.
i'll try not to smirk, and you'll try not to look.
i notice you don't like it when i ignore you.
you know how much i adore you.

you say you need me desparately.
your affections change faster then the Ohio weather sometimes
this chemical reaction is going to blow us both to hell and back,
but baby, i can't stop!
i need you desparately too!

we can worry about the consequences tomorrow.
it's sunny and clear right now,
so strip me down and make me yours.
it might be storming 10 minutes from now, but we can ride it out.
we never know after we hook up what the fall out will be.,
but give it 5 minutes, because like Ohio weather it could change!

Needy or No Satisfaction

i've been needy lately
i need your attention
i need your touch
i need your affection
i need you too damn much
but you don't need me for any of the above

i'm chasing your shadow on a sunny day
i'm searching for a way to make you want me like i want you too
i can't find a way out of this box you put me in
it's not supposed to matter what we feel

this game of tag we're playing, why am i always it?
you've lined me up like dominoes, and i'm falling over you again and again.
this stinks worse then rotting fish
i'm wound up with no outlet for release.

i need to control my own desires.
i need to be calm.
i need to be cool.
i need to be able to walk away from you.
but none of my needs ever get met.
i'm perpetually needy, no satisfaction anywhere in my future!

Dear Scott

my computer screen is the only light in the room.
i watch as the gnats are drawn to its light.
i shoo them away, i'm in no mood to spill any blood today.
i got my sullen music playlist on and i'm wondering when i'll see...
of course, my pen runs out of ink mid thought,
but these thoughts of you i can't keep.

i'm looking at the date and all i see is bytes.
101111,
yes i want you
no i don't
yes
yes
yes
yes
dear scott, give me some more!!!

my life is coming to its apex.
i'm not going to get any better from here.
i crave what he won't give me.
i pissed away my chance and he's taunting me with that fact.
too bad woman.
i got myself another piece of ass and you can't compete with that.
yes i can.
no i can't
yes
yes
yes
yes
dear scott, give me some more!!!

i've lost my mind!
but i'm crazy so i do this all the time.
i hand him the keys and open up my legs.
i pace in front of my computer waiting for a message from him.
i hope he doesn't know how badly i want him,
but i know he knows i do.
this is so messed up!

it's the thrill of stolen seconds that shouldn't be mine.
the kisses are sweeter when they are forbidden.
the passion hotter when you can't stay.
every sensation is 10 times better when you only have a minute or two.
yes we can't stop.
no we can.
yes
yes
yes
yes
dear scott, give me some more!!!

i feel like a dirty whore, but i'm not getting paid or even laid.
i swear i've been such a good good girl.
there's only touching, rubbing, sucking, nibbling, and squeezing.
he has me playing with his matches.
i keep waiting for us both to catch on fire and burn.
yes i want you
no i don't
yes
yes
yes
yes
dear scott, it's time for you to give me some more!!!

Seek Clarity

should i be worried?
constant trouble rests on my mind
opinions are tossed out hurried
the consensus is i must be blind

time is slipping away from me on a downward slope
gracefullness isn't in my character
can't keep myself dangling on such a short rope
obsession has given me a hair trigger

underneath my calm exterior
lonliness consumes me to the breaking point
obviously, i'm pretending to be cheerier
maybe it's time to make my point

before i speak up i select my words carefully
ecstasy rest upon me seeking clarity

Adieu

i'm growing weak from the havoc you create
you disguise your lies as a lover's appetite
my heart can't be sustained with you as my mate
my hopes are flying away like a runaway kite

i built you up and you tore me down
it hurts when you don't respond
your rejection slaps me around
i dumped your belongings into the pond

my tears echo in these empty hallways
your memory haunts every corner
i let you rule me with your dominant ways
my foolish pride made me a slow learner

your anger is the only part of you i knew
it's been long overdue to bid you a final adieu

Just Keep Swimming

i'm sitting here wondering how my life got to be so plain.
i'm like a fish swimming mindlessly with the current.
i don't ponder where to go because i'm too busy swimming forward.
i'm on cruise control and there's no one behind the wheel.
i wait on a response from a computer dating service.
rejections hard, but it's harder and colder when done by instant messaging
i have to start resisting and begin to swim against the current.

i don't want to spend all the hours that remain alone.
i shouldn't have to degrade myself for a kiss.
his touch sends my senses into fits of madness.
so now i know he's danger in human form,
i can hide out here until the coast is clear.
i have to remain calm and detached,
his kind attack when they smell your waiver will.

i'm hardwired to desire what i can't obtain.
the other one never appealed to me before,
but he got a woman, so now i flirt with him more.
i still don't want him, but he's more interesting.
just because another woman has staked her claim.
all my reasons are selfish and deluding.
i can't admit to myself that i fear love.
even now i can't digest the words.
i tell myself that can't be true, it just works well in this verse.

this little sunfish wants to be loved.
sex doesn't keep me warm on cold winter nights.
the memories i want to make require committment.
i'll just keep swimming until i run out of ocean.
one day i hope the net of love will scoop me up,
but i can't hold my breath forever.
i've got to throw back the men i can't keep!

Disaster Ahead

i can still taste you at the back of my throat
every time i swallow your saltiness is on my tongue
i lick my lips automatically to savor your flavor
there's something about you that has me hooked

i think these love bites on my neck are going to bruise
we're not passed the oral stage in the play
but each production brings my house down

i know there's no happily ever after with you
my libido doesn't care if you marry me
i'm like a horny teenage boy these days
i just want to get laid every day, all day long

i'm sexually charged out to the max
and your touch sends me into full climax
all the warning signs are here
watch out woman, there's only disaster ahead,
but i keep letting you do what you you want to do to me!