Wrinkles

i'm past my prime, i wasted all of my time.
pinned my hopes and dreams on the same sleeveless shirt.
playing games without the rules; thinking heart's don't break.
pretending love never ends and i'll always be young.
all the world and all the lies show in the wrinkles around my eyes.

teased by a promise that no cosmetic can deliver
i spend money i don't have to find that elixir
and with failure comes prescriptions
sweet sleep, sweeter dreams, a vicious circle that eats away the days
this hole i can't get out of feels like home

life becomes a serious of little things
do i bother to smile or just paint one on
how do i find the spirit? where has it gone?
love seemed so plentiful and men so grateful
i feasted up the sins of their flesh
now i fast and i see no end to this lonely unrest.

there are moments i realize how alone i really am
then there are times i call it solitude instead
i think more then i feel
i wonder if any love i had was real
i'm fading away and burning out all at the same time
was anything i ever had even mine

too tired for punctuation
too bored ...
maybe tomorrow i'll finish something

No Where to Go

i clicked on the wrong button again
i'm downloading heartache from the emptiness of internet space
how long until the hurt is gone
i've been waiting for so long
there's no light only more pain

hollow sounds fill my full mind
mindlessly i walk the world
hoping life decides to send happiness my way
i'll take one heartache to go
there's nothing to do and no where to go

i'm syncing up to a life full of regret
my a.d.d. keeps asking me are we there yet
how much can one heart bleed
i'll keep eating my disease and feeding its needs
there's no joy only more sadness

time makes no sound as it wastes away
i sit so still in the darkness of a full moon
praying God finds a moment to hear my words
i'll take a new soul to go
there's nothing for me here and no where to go

i had a dream i ended up dead and alive
this lie i tell every time i smile had to be perfected in the mirror
how long did i think i could fool you
i was waiting for the right time
there wasn't a second i haven't love you

breaking a heart echoes around the soul
the cold is coming and i want to freeze me
crying into the night doesn't make it alright
i'll get a better me to go
there's nothing hold me back and yet there's no where i want to go

Today (The Shifting Perspective)

today i can see my life for years behind and forward.
how i've been wrong and how i've been right.
the choice i've made good and bad.
the bridges i burnt down.
clarity swallows me and i drown into haunted memories.

tomorrow is coming around.
i want to change course but i'm clueless.
i've been lonely so long i forget how to belong.
take a turn on the what could have been wheel.
try to remember what is like to love.
how to feel the warmth of a someones touch.
i wish i could cleanse my soul with tears but they don't come anymore.

i've dried up into a wrinkled, dark spotted flesh.
i need to know if i ever cross your mind
or am i thrown away like a piece of junk mail.
these wandering thoughts echo in my empty heart.
i found a pill that destroys my pain,
but there aren't enough to eliminate everything.

today doesn't mark any anniversary.
there's nothing special about my misery.
all these years i've tried to be the good girl.
now i see i never was good.
the mask never took hold of me.
i'm so sorry, i don't know how to make this right.

tomorrow is always on its way.
i can't stop it nor do i want it.
here and now is the best second.
i have it all in my head.
i'm afraid i'll forget.
i have this chance to take care of you instead of me.
i've run out of lies on this rope i've hung myself out to dry.

me and my fears have had an epic love affair.
now i need to see what life is like when you let go.
i need to know if time can truly heal
or will your face continue to taunt me forever.
all my dreams have collapsed into me.
everyone stares as i supernova.
everybody loves to watch when it's not their heart breaking into dust!

Stalled

stalled out in the fast lane
no where to go
no escape
i watch the crash happen
i see it all unfold
i can't stop it
the pain
the blood
the burning
capture every tear
store every smell
watch the aftermath
see everyone collapse
find the hope hiding behind the fear
lives forever altered
five minutes turns into an eternity
everyone disappears
dispersed to clear the road
until the next collision
wrap up the bloody clothes
put up a white cross on the side of the road
find a new love
wait for it to end
hold my breath
pray this one doesn't hurt
thank him for the lesson
leave your heart in the slow lane
look both ways
cross at your own risk
broken hearts stop traffic
stalled out in the fast lane

God Loves You

i'm too scared to admit i love you.
this time with you has been like living in a dream.
every moment has been one to remember.
the fear of giving my heart to you has nothing to do with you.
i've got a road of broken promises behind me.
you've been the picture of patience.
you wait for my timid heart to emerge.
God loves you and so do I.

we talk about everything and nothing.
your smile lights up my world.
before you i was gray
now everyday is in vibrant color.
i feel the ice cracking.
i hear my laughter and i no longer feel hollow.

i'm too afraid to say i love you.
you looked me right in the eyes,
your blue ones full of sincerity,
as you whispered i love you
and you kissed me so gently i fell apart.
you held me as i cried and all of my past was spilling out onto your shirt.
why couldn't i speak the truth?
God loves you and so do I.

you and i are the dynamic duo.
i've become a part of your life and you are all of mine.
all we do is find ways to be together.
this is real and i feel it too.
i don't see a boy but the man i love.
it has me confused and i know you can't wait forever.

i've let my insecurities stop me from loving you.
letting go of the hurt is so hard to do.
your embrace welcomes and warms me.
today you told me you couldn't do it anymore.
i'm frantic; in a total panic; i'm losing you.
my breathing has become shallow, i'm sweating all over.
tell him, tell him, tell him
God loves you and baby so do i!!!

i love you, i love you, i love you.
I'm hopelessly, head over heels, in love with you.
please hear me and come back to me.

Name your Poison

name your poison, boy, for you'll i'll get it.
anything you want i can hunt it down.
you light my fire; i thought i was burnt out forever,
but you reignited all of my desires.
it might be a mistake to let you in.
i could be setting myself up for another bad end,
but name your poison, boy, and i'll make me your best friend.

i'll search high and low for whatever floats your boat.
you got me wanting you and it's never enough.
i haven't felt this alive in years.
all you do has me going crazy.
this could be the best or the worst love ever,
but i won't know until i get you where i want you.
name your poison, boy, and i can fulfill it.

every dream you ever had is my command.
you'll never want us to end.
we'll be the love that goes on and on like the song that never ends.
all of our friends will be so jealous.
name your poison, boy, and we can have it all.

vices are a part of life; you've become mine.
if i'm yours then we have all we need to survive.
we'll lay on the bed just drinking each other in.
i'll never be full and you'll never drink again.
we can build our own ivy tower; let the fools try to tear us down.
as long as i'm your poison, boy, it won't do them any good!

God Already Knows

people tell me they talk to God and he speaks to them.
i'm jealous; the voices in my head aren't my friends.
this cage i've locked myself in has no key.
why can't God speak to me?

i'm told to pray and God will take away my disease,
but what if God is in my pain?

i have a thousand words in a single thought;
they rush out of my mouth like a flash flood.
these pictures in my head are disturbed.
why does God let me see this misery?

i'm told to count my blessing every day,
but what if God wants me to be cursed?

my hands won't work the way i want.
i destroy where i had hoped to create.
my heart isn't always in the right place.
i space myself the furthest from Him.
why do i tell God to go away?

i'm told to do good and God will follow,
but what if God wants me to follow him?

Dear God,
it's me again.
did you get my last prayer?
am i on hold?
do angels bowl?
where is the off switch for my pain?
do you love them more then me?
if you are everywhere, why do i feel so alone?

the questions never end and the answers never come.
this unending circle tortures my soul,
but God already knows!

All of Mine

the slowness of a flame burning out.
the hole that gets dug too deep to fill.
the darkness that sends a chill up your spine.
the denial you cling to like a life preserver.
i felt it before i could see it.
we had passion and fire.
we burned brighter then a five alarm forest fire.
one day hot then the next day remote.
i had part of your heart, but baby i gave you all of mine!

the somber tones of a funeral dirge.
the ominous blues of a stormy summer sky.
the sudden drop in temperature as winter unfolds.
the hope you're wrong is strong.
i heard it in your voice before i saw you shut the door.
we had chemistry and joy.
we connected on levels envied by the heavens.
one day we were in sync the next day not even on the same page.
i had part of your heart, but baby you took all of mine!

the ordinary rut of the day.
the prayers you'll come back someday.
the loneliness strangling your happiness to death.
the loss of motivation to breathe.
i can still hear the echo of your car door closing.
we had love and friendship.
i knew the best how can i ever live without that.
this broken heart isn't even mine to keep.
i had a part of your heart, but baby you still have all of mine!

Uninvited

cold and pale; i feel uninvited in my own flesh.
the sweat beads upon my breasts.
i toss and turn longing for rest.
i drink the medicine waiting for its bliss.
i long for numbness.
touching my face wondering who this stranger is;
i feel uninvited in my own soul.

tired and worn; i feel uninvited in my own skin.
the day fades and i shrink into my bed.
i hope and pray tomorrow is a better day.
i wrap myself up in the pills that promise.
i desire nothingness.
looking into my eyes i see emptiness;
i feel uninvited in my own heart.

bruised and used; i feel uninvited in my own flesh.
the days and nights get mixed up in my head.
i rise and rest with the whim of my disease.
i hunt for the miracle cure.
i need the darkness.
hearing my crying i taste my salty pain;
i feel uninvited in my own mind.

i feel so uninvited everywhere all the time; even in my own life.

Let Love Be

i'm losing it. i'm falling apart, like leaves falling off the trees in the fall.
i'm losing it all. i feel barren, like the desert landscape in a calendar on a cubicle wall.
i can't think past this second.
this moment is swallowing me whole.
i'm stuck on a blank screen.
the hour glass is taunting me.
i feel wound up with no release.

i feel disconnected. i hear and see all that surround me, but none of it matters to me.
this mode i'm running in has me run down.
the cycle i'm pedaling through never seems to end.
i need a little motivation to break away and blow this monotony up.

i long for passion to take root and plant some chaos into my life.
my days aren't anything to remember.
i'm drowning in all this ordinary.
normal never suited me.
i know i hate the heartbreak when it ends, but sometimes the thrill is worth the crash landing.

these blues are making my world gray. it's daunting to force a change.
i keep looking around, but my eyes aren't ready to take anybody in.
all these people running around hooking up then breaking up looks like misery to me.
i need to win the war but these battles keep crushing my self-esteem.

sunshine and daisies were never my style and it never used to bother me.
is it age or loneliness taking their toll on me?
i wonder if it's time to give up and just let love be.

The Hope

the hope is what hurts the most.
the feeling arises and infuses you with new energy.
the fall from hope deflated wrecks the hardiest of souls.

the hope left me broken.
the joy drained from my body.
my face reflected pure disappointment.
the hope had been what i had lived for.
pain rips my heart apart.
the spring has gone dry!
the hope was all i needed and you made damn sure you took that too!

the hope built me up on a house of cards.
i'd smile at random thoughts of happiness.
you gave me moments to nurse my hopes.
your little notes fed my hopes and they had grown to epic proportions.

the hope couldn't last.
like your love it was false.
now i sit alone in the coldness of despair.
i'm in withdrawal from hope's sweet bliss.
it's hard to see past this.
i once had hope and now i don't;
that's what hurts the most.

Reluctant Adult

The big move is done.
Objects placed around each room.
Almost feels like home.

Adjusting to the new night noises.
Wondering where this road leads.
I'm feeling accomplished and pleased.
This is good.
This is right.
This is where I want to be.

The kid is figuring out where to put her stuff.
She overtakes everything she touches.
The buffer is small but necessary.
She's not a child anymore, but a reluctant adult.

She craves my attention like a 3 year old.
I try my hardest to turn her away.
She has to stand on her own as much as I can get her to let me go.
Her red hair matches her quick temper and passionate emotions.
Every day there is some drama in her life that will undo her.
OSU is proving a testing ground for her patience which was always little.

Yes, we are influx.
Yes, we are taking on new challenges.
But I tell her, this is how a life gets lived, in motion, not in rest.
So we will see where we end up.
I hope for her and I both we enjoy the journey and love the destination.
We are settling down into our own for the first time ever home.
Time will tell, it always does.

No Titles

hope cries and faith dies and all i know is a history of lies.
i try to turn it around.
break the mold i let you cast me into, but the perceptions persist.
i talk to you until i'm blue in the face;
even rudeness can't cut through the surface of me you cling to.

picture perfect attitudes and cookie cutter expectations behold my uniqueness like a deadly disease.
i try to take my time.
i chip away at every misconception you've formed about me, but your stereotypical thinking resists me.
words can't undo all the brainwashing you've been through;
even knowing different isn't wrong doesn't stop you from labeling everything you think doesn't belong.

oblivious eyes and deaf ears miss out on the subtle beauty that surrounds them.
how can you miss so much yet believe your world is complete?
you rush around in your narrow tunnels of thought shunning all exceptions to your rules.
if there's no titles you get confused.
God forbid i don't want to be just like you!
and we all know you wouldn't dare try to walk a mile in my shoes.

mismatched socks and uncombed hair aren't anything to fear.
i hear my own marching band and i dance and hum right along.
i change my mind all the time.
i love to walk in warm summer rains and run in cold ones.
i think expressing yourself is cool, even if i don't agree with you.
i respect your view, is it so hard for you to do the same?

Winter in Late March

the wind cuts through my three layers of clothes as if i've come outside naked.
i turn the corner and my breath catches and my heart stammers.
the briskness of my walk fails to warm me and i come back in unable to feel my extremities.
i clumsily peel back the clothes to confirm i still have my fingers and my toes!

i cover up in three blankets and a 30 pound puggle.
an hour has lapsed and the chill still permeates every cell of flesh i have.
the winter has been a bitter enemy;
the spring an unwilling ally.
the snow begins again bringing more dread with no end.
even the ghosts of my past have been frozen solid.

i sit still in the quiet hoping to be forgotten.
the extended grey skies have crippled my enthusiasms.
now the only appealing things in my world are heat and sleep.
no one smiles or looks up between their mad dashes from heated cars to heated stores to their heated houses.
we are being held prisoner by winter's unyielding wrath.

i dream of a sun filled paradise.
palm trees, swimming pools, pink drinks with umbrellas and a tan all dance around in my head.
the mirages never stay and every morning the cold stabs my hope to death.
i'd fly away if i could afford it, but winter knows i'm stuck and delights in my misery.

the sun is out and mocking me with its shine, but no warmth it provides.
my aches have aches.
my pains have pains.
every movement triggers a tormenting throbbing of every muscle.
i crank up the thermostat and grit my teeth.
the dollars lost hurt almost as much as my fingers do.

wintertime i beg of you, move on to some other country.
i've had enough of your attention this year.
my life is on pause until you leave.
please die so i can live.
my soul is suffocating under your unrelenting gaze.
you use to be my favorite time of year, but your welcome has passed.
winter it's not you it's me!

White/Black/Grey

there's a fire in my belly and a song in my heart.
my life's a puzzle and all the pieces have been lost.
even God with his almighty hand cannot move me.
inside my head power lingers misplaced.
i drive through the memories looking for your face.
somewhere within these neurons is the place i need to be.
lock me up and throw away the key.
white has never looked very good on me.

your peace lily is wilting; your love is dying.
time is an illusion of endless misery.
turn off the fear and doubts;
build me a bridge back to my former self,
before i find the door to insanity.
you always were a light pushing away my night's.
now there's no love shining on me.
i'm counting down the days until the darkness carries me away.
black goes with everything they say.


i'm a million pieces sowed together with cheap thread.
the tears are showing and my nerves are fraying.
i hunch over your words and hoping you can save me.
the thoughts swirl in and out of my ears.
i draw upon what's left of my faith.
my eyes have too many unshed tears.
i can't go back to where i was, but i can't go where you want me.
grey suites me because it's the color of my eyes!

Don't Hesitate

don't hesitate, take my breath, breathe life into yourself at my expense.
sacrifice me for a greater good; disappear into his light.
when i'm on my own my heart struggles to thrive.
if i give myself to you i become stable once more.

i'm stubborn, selfish, and greedy in this minute i see all my life behind me
and ahead of me and there's only misery everywhere i have ever been.
i stay true to myself and it is killing me one day at a time!
i am merely human. on my own i stand alone.

if i'm brave enough to let you take over i will be whole again.
i'm scared. it is natural for me to hold back bits of me.
i fight even though i know this is right.
control is a game i was never meant to win.
so here i go down your road leaving behind all i've ever known.

these gifts you've given me have been misspent.
all my years i've failed to repent.
my sins are small in quality but overwhelming in quantity.
i always flinch when you stare into me.
now i must overcome every action i have taken.
i give you the power, go crazy with that wrecking ball.
rebuild this broken house into your palace.
i want you to live here, in me, with me, as me;
i want to be one with you, better inside and out.

we passed by the detour.
now we go on the long and winding road.
every bump, every curve, and every hill has to be felt.
my soul is in sorry shape, i let myself go long ago.
don't hesitate, not tomorrow, but now, it starts right now!
i exercise my right to choose!
God, I choose you!!!
Jesus, I choose you!!!
Salvation, I choose you!!!

10 o'clock News

white lights up and down the highway
bright lights between me and my way
i'll be a blurb tonight on the ten o'clock news
i have no excuse
i'm not a vampire it is time to step into the lights

blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror
sad lights trying to give me my cue
i'll be interviewed tonight on the ten o'clock news
i can't be a recluse
i'm not a magician i have to stay out of the lights

Bad Bug

that's a bad bug, leave it alone, it's a bad bug!
it'll sting you until you're numb;
until your throat swells shut,
and you think you're going to die, it's a bad bad bug!

that's a bad bug, let it go on, it's a bad bug!
it turns your insides out;
leaves you weak and shaking on the floor,
and you pray to die, it's a bad bad bug!

i'm sitting in the spring sunshine fighting an urge to cry.
my stomach rolls like a thunder storm.
my ribs ache from all the sickness i've expunged.
i prayed for mercy then i begged for death!

that's a bad bug, take it far away, it's a bad bug!
it overcomes you and takes control;
you aren't you anymore,
and you become just a ball of disease trying to breathe, it's a bad bad bug!

that's a bad bug, wash down all the pills to kill it, it's a bad bug.
the pain comes crashing in waves of vomit and tears;
both ends explode into misery,
and i'm chained to the bathroom like a slave to its master, it's a bad bad bug!

there's not freedom in the pink you drink.
every second i think death has arrived.
if this is living then death can't be that bad.
i prayed to find a chemical to release me from this nightmare.

that's a bad bug, it crawls inside of you and eats you alive, it's a bad bug.
it's tearing me apart one retch at a time;
i'm huddled in the corner knowing i'm going to die,
and all i feel is relief, it's a bad bad bug!

The Day Drags

as the day drags on i wonder why i bother to try;
my efforts end in disappointment.
pain is my only friend.
with every new ache i debate where my road leads.
goals seem futile.
dreams seems implausible.
hopes seem irresponsible.
yes, the more the day drags on the more restless i become.

as the day drags on it is beating me down.
every minute feels like forever.
time stops and taunts.
with every second i long to leave.
work is pointless.
planning is useless.
thinking is worthless.
yes, the more the day drags on the more i hate it.

as the day drags on i feel like i'm dying.
my flesh grows wrinkled.
my heart slows.
with every new gray hair i wish this day would end.
laughing seems futile.
smiling seems painful.
happiness seems beyond my reach.
yes, the more this day drags on the more i'm over it.

Second Chances

second chances are rare.
i don't know where this will lead but i'm going to enjoy it while i got it.
years fly by until you see the end up close and personal.
the older i get the more i understand why nothing works out according to your plans.
now i hope for the best and pray the worse will never come.

hold on, sit tight, close your eyes, make that wish but don't forget to try!

second chances should be celebrated.
i'm amazed with the changes yet stunned how much is still the same.
the years have matured us both.
i see now why we ended back then but now i know how we can last.
the older we get the better we get along.
now i'm ready to take your hand and pray this time it won't go wrong.

hold on, be strong, wrap your arms around me and don't forget to feel!

second chances aren't a movie.
i don't get to write the ending.
happily ever after is a series of choices we have to make together.
but i'll enjoy replaying every moment of this one day.
the years take away the pain but hurt's memory still lingers.
now we see how far forgiveness can take us and we pray straight from our hearts.

hold on, keep calm, open up your heart and together we will love each other again!

Sparrows and Lost Loves

why do people sing about sparrows and lost loves
when i can only summon chocolate wrapped bacon dreams?
baffle me again and again,
oh this muse of mine huffs cheap cleaner behind the dollar general,
and i drop the ball again!

cascading doubts wash me out.
i've got dirt under my nails again.
i don't want to fuss or deal with the mess.
hide me in plain sight;
ignore my stupid plight.
does anyone have a chocolate bunny?
i could use a bite!

why do people drive around in circles everyday to go to a job
that barely pays when i want to run away and play?
baffle me again and again,
oh this soul of mine yearns to buy some extra spirit to numb all this boredom,
and i kick myself while i'm down again!

righteous voices drown me out.
i'm full of dirty thoughts.
i have no fight left so just knock me out.
smother what remains of the fire inside;
turn a blind eye to my pathetic cries.
does anyone have some matches?
i could use the heat!

why do i pick men that walk through me like i'm a window,
and i cry when they leave?
baffle me again and again,
oh this heart of mine plays me for the fool all the time;
acting like i got feelings to spare and no cares.

falling fears surround me.
the dirt hurts.
i'll never be clean again.
i call out for help to silence;
once again i'm underwhelmed by artistic license.
i sink deeper into the nothingness!
does anyone have some pie?
i'd like to have one more slice before i die.

He's Never Far

he's never far; either in my thoughts or in these scars he carved into my heart.

he's never far; his smile or his hazel eyes are burned into every tear
and every twinkle of my eyes.

he's never far; his memory makes me feel and i miss him.
i miss the pain and i miss saying his name.

it's hard to be here.
he's so near but so far away.
his warmth is beyond my reach.
the reality brought us crashing down.
i feel the full weight its gravity upon my chest.
he's never far, but he's far enough away to not be mine anymore.

he's never far; either in my dreams or these words being shared with the world.

he's never far; his laugh or his caresses are casting a long shadow over me.

he's never far; time is slow to erase his mark. i miss it.
i miss him and i love it and i hate it.

it's hard to be here.
alone but haunted by the sweetest memories.
he's so near and he's so dear to me.
i feel by now i should have moved on.
he's never far, but he's oh so near!

Sickness and I

sickness and i are the oldest of friends.
i remember cold novembers' wracked with coughs and sweating from a fever's heat.
you'd think i'd be used to the familiar touch of disease but i forget.
the older i get the harder it gets to get over its affects.

bronchitis, sinus, flu, colds, allergies, and pneumonia revolve and evolve through me,
into me, around me, until i begin to wonder if death's the only hope i have left.
i try new doctors, new pills, new cure alls, but all i find is the same misery that leaves me dead inside.

the error is in my dna. my bad code has made me this way.
why bother to try when i'm doomed.
i dance around the truth holding one ailment close at a time.
miracles and prayers aren't here to be found, if Jesus saves he doesn't save me.

God used to speak to me when i was young.
i'd lay on a couch in the dark saying my childish prayers and crossing my heart.
my mother tucked me in too tight to move.
all the doctors told her i'd outgrow it all one day,
but after 40 years i grow doubtful that day will every come.

every time i leave the house new germs hitch a ride home with me.
sickness never leaves me alone.
i can count on it to visit when it pleases.
i'm well enough to forget how much it hurt, so it reminds me again how it rules me.
i should burn myself and all i own, but i'm sure the sickness would return.

yes, sickness and i are the oldest of friends!

Not Another Thought

i don't want to think about it, the end of you,
hush now, not another thought about you dying will ever cross my mind.
you got to carry on, you got to be the one that's strong.
you've carried me all my life, you can't give up, i'm not done needing your hand to hold on to.

i don't want to talk about it, the day you day,
hush now, not another word about your funeral will cross my lips.
you got to pull yourself together, you got to find a way to hold on.
you've been my rock all my life, you can't go, i'm not done needing your should to cry on.

i don't want to hear about it, the sad news of your passing one day,
hush now, not another syllable about your final wishes will be heard.
you got to stay positive, you are everything to me.
you've been the one to save me all my life, you got to be here, i'm not done needing you to rescue me on your white horse.

i don't want to think about it, the sad day you die,
hush now, not another thought about your death will cross my mind.
you will carry on, you will be strong.
you have to let me die first, because without you i'm lost.

Heartache and Hope

my heart is beating slower then i'm breathing.
i don't know what i'm needing to fix my plight.
i'm full of dismay. i'm tripping over ghosts.
all i have left is heartache and hope.

my condition feels me with loneliness in a crowded room.
i want to run away to try to outrun my pain.
i'm burning down my own disease. i'm falling into it.
hope comes and goes but my heartache never moves.

my standard's slip and he got through those cracks.
i shouldn't complain because he didn't stick around to finish the kill.
i'm regretting letting myself believe love exists. faith can't assist.
heartache and hope aren't enough to keep me strong.

my weakness overtakes my sensibilities.
i'm a special kind of fool wrapped up in past discretions.
i would love to taste freedom. everywhere i am is a prison.
heartaches are here for the long haul and i hope i'm able to handle it all!

my environment surrounds me with examples of kindness.
i think i can but i know i won't ever love again.
i'm a closet dreamer who is desperate to believe. i'm too scared to unlock the door.
hope isn't in control; only the heartache knows me.

my disaster destroyed me down to my core.
i don't want to be here anymore.
i'm ready to forgive him but i'll never forgive myself.
is there ever enough hope when the heartache never ends?